Jen's Account

Prostitute Outreach - 1/6/12

2012-01-07T11:36:00.001-08:00

I've made it to outreach at least the last four weeks in a row. Crazy huh? It has to be a new record!

Last night one of our team members was telling us a story she heard about a woman who went on a missions trip somewhere over seas. Near the end of her trip, as she was in a taxi on the way to the airport, she had a burden in her heart to talk to some gang kids on the street. Unsure of what to say to them and afraid of getting out of the car, she threw a stack of tracts out of the car towards the kids.

It was later found out that one of the kids picked up a tract and became a Christian. He then went on to translate the Bible into the language of his town and the entire town was converted.

Wow.

I was immediately hit with the thought of how amazing God is and how he can use anything... ANYTHING... for His glory. But it wasn't until my 2am drive home last night (this morning?) that I started thinking more about the woman herself.

I am going to speculate here, but here you have a woman who has some sort of sense of adventure, boldness, and, not to mention, passion for the Gospel because she chose to go to another country in the first place. and yet, she found herself in a situation where she was scared and unsure of what to say or do. I wonder what went through her head afterward...

"I can't believe all I did was throw tracts at them. Someone bolder than me would have gotten out of the car. How could God ever use me if I am still living in fear?"

and yet... because of her small act, and God's big Hand, amazing things happened.

My thoughts were racing. My heart soaring. What is usually a difficult drive home for me was easy and exciting as all these thoughts gave me my second (ahem... ok third or fourth) wind.

How many times have I walked away from a girl on the street discouraged because I didn't feel like I said the right words, prayed the right prayer, smiled the right smile... I could go on! and day after day, blog post after blog post, I find ways to wallow in this guilt that I am not doing enough. and yet a tract that laid on the ground led to an entire town being saved. Perhaps my words and prayers aren't the greatest, but God can... no... IS using it anyway!

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

Outreach Update:

*M, who was in the safe house left after being there for three weeks. Her phone has been disconnected and we don't know where she is now. Please pray for her.

*Last week, I met T and she immediately asked me to take her number. You could tell she wasn't at all ready to get out yet, but she was at least open to talking to someone. I gave her one of the scarfs we made and she threw away the one she was wearing (Love it!!) A few days later I tried to call her and her phone had been disconnected.

Last night I ran into her again, still wearing the scarf! She said her phone was back on again but it was turned off because she went to jail shortly after meeting us (that seems to happen to a lot of people we meet...). She also said her boyfriend saw the gifts from us and thought she was cheating on him. He couldn't believe it was from Christians! I am going to try to call T again soon. Pray I get through and that she is receptive :)

Reflecting

2011-12-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Last night, The After Hours team threw a' First Annual After Hours Cheesy Christmas party' and let me tell you, we know how to have a cheesy party. Complete with the ugly sweaters, goofy white elephant gifts, and every item of food having some kind of cheese in it. It was pretty amazing. But those aren't the reasons it was amazing...

On our drive home from the party, the Husband and I were discussing the ministry and all the changes over this last year. It was still less than a year ago that our founders stepped down and Jen took charge of the ministry. It was just a month later that I was voted in as a board member. And it was right around that time that Jen, Julia and I, almost all our members at that time (missing a few people), sat down at Starbucks to rough draft where the ministry was going to go from there. I was excited, but wondering what God was going to do with a ministry that was back to the bare bones again.

Less than a year later, I found myself at our party with a little less than 20 people who are now a part of our team! and there were even some people missing! Not a week goes by that we don't have a least one team on the track... and sometimes we have to be broken up into multiple teams! God has grown this ministry so much! Not to mention, just this last week, a young girl we have been praying for for months made the decision to leave her pimp and is now in a safe house! Oh me of little faith... I wondered what God could or would do through three young girls... now I know!

It all brings me back to the continuous, daily struggle of 'Am I called to this? Am I fit for this kind of ministry?' A year ago it was based around the doubts that I could be of any help to a ministry that is starting from scratch again. But today, it comes from the doubts that I have much to contribute to a team that is flourishing, full of bold, Jesus loving, go-getter people while I am still timid and often doubt what God can do through me.

But God, being pretty amazing in this way (well, EVERY way), reminded me today as we finished the book of Acts in church, that the question shouldn't be about what we are called to. We know what we're called to. We're called, as Christians, to make His name known. From there, it's all about stepping out there and doing something about it. Something! Anything! So if it means knowing that a flourishing ministry needs a bookkeeper, who made not be the best but is willing, so be it. God's really good at taking care of all the details from there.

On that note,

THANK YOU for your prayers for the ministry! We covet them now more than ever as I'm sure we have the enemy's attention ;) Not to mention, it is only through Christ and because of Christ that any of this has happened or will continue. We need Him so thank you for continuing to pray. and remember to pray for our young friend who is in the safe home.

Thank you Jesus for all you've done and using us even when we feel like we have nothing You can use.

Big News?

2011-12-08T16:34:00.000-08:00

Well hello there bloggers!

I feel like there's something really important that I need to tell you. Hmmm what is it? Something important...

Oh yes!

I GOT MARRIED!

November 20th came and went quickly like any other day. But unlike any other day, I ended that day with a different last name, a husband, and a boarding pass for the Dominican Republic! It was a wonderful day, a great week long honeymoon and now I find myself settling into married life. Life is swell!

Pictures of the wedding and honeymoon to come soon! As well as an outreach blog since I am going tomorrow!

Until then...

(every newlywed couple is allowed at least one kissy picture on the internet right? I hope so cause other wise me and the person who's facebook I stole this from are in trouble!)

I say we need a caption for the look on my pastor's face... :)

Pity Party

2011-11-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

I think I'm ready to talk again. I haven't been for a while. I've felt so negative about... well... everything that I really didn't want to infect others with it. But I'm ready now so here goes.

About a month ago we had an outreach training with World Impact and I had really been looking forward to it. I was excited to see how many people would show up, what God would do while taking the new recruits on outreach with us, and to see who would end up joining our team. Things were going well as the day approached. Wedding planning was (and still is! Two weeks!) going smoothly, time set out for Jesus was a regular part of the day, and my excitement for the ministry was as present as ever,

Then on my way to LA, something happened. I stopped by a food establishment (one that I shouldn't have stopped at anyway! No fast food Jen!) and I got a look. Yup, just a look! That's all it took! Some random girl I have never met and probably never will see again decided to stare me down with a mocking smile. I checked my teeth for food, my nose for boogers, and my hair to make sure it wasn't standing up in some way. All good. But for whatever reason, this person decided I was a good target to make herself feel better about herself.

It worked. I cried the whole way to LA wondering what was wrong with me and almost turning around at so many points on my drive. I decided I hated people. Why do I want to minister to others when people are all so cruel?

I somehow got myself to outreach and with my sad and hardening heart, I put a smile on my face and led a team out. It was horrible. To the few people we did meet I had nothing to say. I let the new recruits step in where I was lacking. We meet the sweetest woman who had such a gentle spirit and kind smile and yet all I could think is 'Who was she mean to today? Why am I here??'

Because God will be glorified regardless, outreach was still a success without me. But the desire to ever go back was gone. I missed going. I missed my friends. But I didn't know how I could go back with such an attitude toward people that wouldn't leave. Luckily with wedding stuff, showers, and other busy-ness, I never had to make the choice of if I should go with my attitude or not. God knew I wasn't ready, so He made sure of it that I couldn't.

The attitude remained. I would get cut off on the road and it would increase. The hatred. My time with Jesus... almost non-existent. My fiance was the best support as he continued to encourage me to be in the Word. I rarely did it, but appreciated his gentle nudging.

Then it happened. Today.

My mom sent me an FB status that a friend of hers had posted. It read:

"In the Atlanta airport. Just saw a total gangsta - pants sagged down to his knees, pick stuck in his hair, tattoos everywhere, headphones blaring - help a little old white granny figure out her gate and boarding pass. And then? I hugged him and told him he was precious. Yes I did. This is a true story. I am a freak."

In one small glimpse, I was reminded that there is good in people. It has nothing to do with what the guy looked like; for me, it had more to do with proving to me that people are still worth reaching out to.

But they should have been seen that way anyway! And not because there is good in them, but because God has so much good to give to us! He was spit on, abused and killed and yet still reached out and loved there very people who did that to Him (Us!)

And there you go. That's how God knocked me out of whatever stupid, selfish funk I put myself in.

And to that girl who looked at me funny and started this whole darn thing (ok she didn't... I did... but still), maybe I will get the chance to hug her...

Oh and to my outreach compadres, sorry! Miss you!

The Pen

2011-08-31T15:04:00.000-07:00

(+5 points if you thought of Seinfeld when you read the title of my post. You people make me smile.)

Just like every other Tuesday I walked into my office, ready for another day of paying bills, answering phone calls, and odd conversations.

But unlike every other Tuesday, I found this on my desk waiting for me:

Why? "My husband saw it and said you needed it, because you're like a lamb."

It's the little things, and the amazing people, that make the bill paying, the phone calls, the odd conversations, and not to mention the commute, all worth while ;)

Creative Accounting

2011-07-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer in the idea that you are either creative... or you're not. Take me for example. I have never been able to draw more than a stick person and anything that doesn't have step by step rules just confuses me. I need structure and rules in order to know how to get things done.

And that's why crocheting seems to work for me. It's not that creative of a craft (as some people think). You follow some steps, chain here, stitch there, and if something is messed up, there was probably some step that was missed. Go back and fix it and there ya go.

Either way, I am letting myself believe I may have a little bit of creativity in me... and I think that's ok.

So what have I been working on?? I'm so excited to tell!!

For my fiance (Eeeee I love calling him that!):

It's a Settlers of Catan 'Ghan! Thanks Lucy for the easy hexagon pattern and this chick for the idea in the first place ;)

What's next? Oh this is what I am REALLY excited about!

Cute little hearts!! Wedding planning has begun ;)

By the way, I haven't written about outreach in a while because I haven't been on outreach in a while... different schedules, weddings, carmageddon scare... adds up to almost a month of not going :/

BUT things are flourishing with the ministry! Please keep us in your prayers! :)

Last 2 weeks...

2011-07-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

A LOT has happened the last couple weeks. Two big things have happened:

1. My parents are going to Ethiopia!!! In the very near future they will be going to meet my little sister and hopefully, not to far after that, they will be going back to meet her!

2. I'll let pictures tell you... ;)

Prostitute Outreach - 6/10/11

2011-06-11T13:59:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna do my best to control my 'word vomit' because I already have a tendency to ramble a lot and I feel like there is a lot to write about from last night so bare with me :)

Last night was a huge new step for us! While Jen has already been working on developing relationships with people in the area, Bible studies, women's homes, pregnancy centers, etc, we had also had a desire to have relationships with the churches in the area. So it was really exciting last night to be able to conduct a training class at a church that is just blocks from the track!

Quite a few people showed up and nearly all of them (about 17 of us) joined us for outreach afterwards. Jen did a superb job at teaching the class all about the game, what to expect on outreach, and how else we can team up in this area.

During the class, someone had asked how many girls we have seen get out of the game and what the statistics are. As Jen started to explain how tough it is for girls to get out, one of the girls in the class raised her hand, motioned to the girl next to her (I believe it was her sister) and said, 'We are living proof that you can get out.' She herself was in the game from age 13 to 28. As she continued, it came out that her dad was a pimp (now a Christian) and her husband was too and is now training to be a pastor. Praise God! Sometimes I doubt if we are really making a difference and if these walls can really be broken down. When it comes down to it, I doubt how big God is. I can't speak for the rest of the team, but boy did I need to hear this girl's testimony! At that moment I was pumped for outreach because I was reminded of how powerful Jesus is!

We split up into four groups and took different parts of the track. My team was Katie, a new girl Ali, and I. The other teams seemed to have pretty crazy nights with a lot of meetings with people, but we only met two. But those two people made the night worth it!

The first girl we talked to, M, we had to chase... oops! We had parked pretty close to her but she started walking pretty quickly away from us once we started walking towards her. She was at least over a block away, as we were speed walking, when I started praying that God would turn her around. And she finally did! We finally caught up and got to talk to her. She was so appreciative of the gift, but wouldn't let us pray for her ('I already pray a lot.') We started talking more and got mixed answers as to how long she had been out there. As we were ending the conversation with her, I told her that there is a phone number in the gift bag if she ever needs anything or needs prayer. The number wasn't good enough. She wanted to be able to reach one of us. So not only did she take my number, but she actually gave me hers! I am praying she will actually answer when I call and that her phone doesn't get turned off...

The second woman, T, we kind of found by surprise. We were driving down the track and a truck kept driving next to me. I didn't look over to see what the people looked like, but when I would speed up, they would speed up and when I would slow down, they would slow down. I finally turned quickly down a street so they couldn't be near us, and there was T! We got to talk to her and pray for her for quite a while. She has two daughters around the age of 40 (she did NOT look old enough to have a 40 year old daughter!) and she really needed money for her gas payment. She said she often woke up in the morning wishing she hadn't woken up. Katie got to talk to her in more detail as I watched the same truck pass by us a few times. As Katie continued the conversation, I prayed quietly that the truck would leave us alone. By the time we finished praying with her, the truck was gone, T had tears of thankfulness for God sending us to her, and it was time to meet up with everyone else.

Please pray for M, that she will answer her phone when I do make contact, that she will be open to a friendship that will eventually lead to her letting God change her life.

Please pray for T, that she would know that prostitution is not the only way to pay her bills, that God DOES care about what happens to her, and that we will see her again.

Please pray for the area and the people in the churches stepping up. That these relationships with flourish as they become more active in reaching out to the girls.

Please pray for our team, that we would continue to be unified in Christ, holding each other accountable, and trusting each other as we do God's work together.

God is so good! He is a big God!

Holding on for dear Life!

2011-05-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't been happy with anything I write lately so here's some pictures! Yay!

Thursday night was the last night BF and I would be able to hang out for a couple weeks since I was leaving for Lake Havasu for the weekend the next day and he was leaving for Ecuador just a few days later so we had to make sure we did something especially amazing. So when he showed up at my house on a bike he borrowed from one of our pastors and wanted to take it for a ride, I couldn't wait!

Don't be jealous of our awesomeness!

Yes it was my first time on a motorcycle. Yes I was freaking out. and yes I look like a bug...

Speaking of my weekend and fearing for my life (in a good way!) here's one of the things we did in Lake Havasu. On a raft being dragged by a Pontoon. Take a look at that view!

I'm the one in the yellow who refused to let go!

Please pray for BF and the rest of the team while they are in Ecuador. I can't wait to hear how his first (of many we hope!) missions trip is going! (you really think I would date someone who doesn't also have a heart for missions??)

OH! Almost forgot to add this! My parents got their referral for a baby girl! I'll let my mom tell you more about it!

De Ja Vu!

2011-05-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

Read along with me friends...

First, Read Isaiah 39.

Got it? Good.

Second, read 2 Kings starting in verse 12.

I read Isaiah in church on Sunday and then 2 Kings yesterday morning. I was going crazy yesterday trying to figure out why it was so freshly familiar.

Think God might be trying to tell me something?

Book Report (kinda)

2011-04-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

1 of my 500 million favorite parts of The Midnight Patrol:

Mary Scott (before she started her work on the streets) was living at a Girl's Industrial Home where she was looking after new recruits to the Salvation Army. One of the girls, who grew up with quite a charmed life, came back a complete wreck after spending a week a maternity home for unmarried mothers. She would have nightmares of the idea of even having to go back. She grew up so sheltered from that kind of life that she didn't know to process all of it.

(Now this is when I interject my own thought of throwing the little brat back in there and making her get used to it. This is real life! ...but that's just me).

Mary, having compassion for the girl, went to talk to the Major about the girl:

Ought not young cadets like [her] to be shielded from such knowledge as she had unwillingly gained, from such disillusioning experiences?

Major Grace Jackson was not so sympathetic as might have been expected. Salvation Army officer were not to be shielded from unpleasant things, but exposed to them. At the time Molly [Mary] felt the reply she gave was almost ruthless. But she never forgot it. Down through the years the stern words came to her, reminding her that she had enrolled as a soldier and was engaged in a battle.

...'Scott, you've got to look at sin,' said Major Jackson grimly. 'You've got to look it in the face, stare at it, glare at it. You've got to see it for the awful thing it is. And then you've got to go and do something about it!'

Oops!

2011-04-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

Well, as predicted, it's Tuesday and I never did blog about last week's outreach. But here are at least some random thoughts about it... and some random thoughts not about it. Okay okay... so here are some random thoughts about anything.

1. Outreach

Friday night (4/15) was pretty amazing! We had a team of six girls so we were able to split up and each take different sides of the street. There were tons of girls out! Unfortunately we also received a lot of rejections too. A few people were pretty open (including a guy who tried getting into a debate with us. 'The origin of religion is the word horizon which originated with a guy named Horace. It's in the dictionary. Look it up.' - ok guy...) but most of them didn't really want to talk. We think it might have been training night for some of the girls because there were a lot of them standing along who wouldn't even make eye contact with us. You could feel the fear and yet see the stone cold looks on their faces as they tried to be strong. So sad...

2. Connections!

Just earlier that day, Jen C received a pretty amazing phone call which only shows one of the many ways God is moving in the ministry and in the area. But I'll let her tell you the rest of the story...

Update: Oops... her blog is gone! In short, a woman (we refer to her as 'Dana') in our area called a preacher who has a television show in Florida. She has turned to prostitution to support her children and wants prayer to get out. This preacher then found a way to contact Jen, asking her to contact the woman.

We are hoping to go visit Dana this week!

Atop that, Jen has made connections with 'groups' in the area. There is a pregnancy center in the area that is interested in teaming with us. Also, a guy from the church we're connected to just started a Bible study in the area also. He says there are girls who show up to the study too. Jen and I are going to go visit the study this week when we go see Dana. Praise God for divine appointments!

No matter where you live or what your passions are, there are always small (but SO significant!) ways you can team up with this ministry. I'm gonna cheat and link again, but here are ways you can help After Hours Ministry.

3. Latest Read

A few weeks ago, Jen (sometimes I think my readers must think I am talking about myself in third person. Just think 'Jen C' anytime you start to worry!) mentioned on FB a book she was reading. It's called The Midnight Patrol: The story of a Salvation Army lass who patrolled the dark streets of London's West End on a midnight mission of mercy. (I know... long title). I found it on amazon for a few bucks so I figured I would check it out. I kind of assumed it would be about maybe helping the homeless or something at the most. But no! Written in 1974, it's a story of a woman who used to go out to the streets to reach out to the prostitutes! Sweet!

Needless to say, I can't put it down. I was about to blog about one of my many favorite parts, but this post is already too long so I will do that later. But in short, it's really good. I highly recommend, whether you're into reaching out to prostitutes or not ;)

Ok that's all. Random thoughts done!

Last week?

2011-04-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

I should have blogged about last week's outreach after it happened. I really should have because it was pretty amazing. But now? Now I can't remember all the details. Ask me to quote you Seinfeld or tell you about a vendor I paid two years ago at work and I will tell you check number, amount, and date. But what did I eat for lunch yesterday? ::shrug:: Gotta love memory.

So the most I can hand you about last week's outreach is that we ran into Gary Chapman and he sang for us.

No... not THAT Gary Chapman! Silly.

...And there you go.

But I'll say this: If you prayed for us, Thank you! Your prayers were felt and answered :)

We're going back out at 1am tonight. Let's hope I'll remember to blog this time. Prayers appreciated!

SO obvious...

2011-04-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

BF says I never gave him any indication in the past that I was interested. Looks like SOMEBODY needs to learn how to read the signs! Sheesh! ;)

Thanks Abe

Prostitute Outreach - 4/1/11 (by Jen C)

2011-04-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

To start off, if you were wondering just how nutty/bad at making decisions I am, check this out:

Friday night we already had the plan of meeting at 1am for outreach. Given that the round trip back home and back to LA later wouldn't be worth the time (plus gas is killing us all these days) I had made plans to take a nap at Julia's before outreach. Pretty smart, right?

Then comes my dear Jen C. A bad influence, in the best way possible, convinces me to skip the nap and go to a Dodger game with her instead. So from the time that I got out of bed Friday morning, went to work, enjoyed the game, did outreach, and then drove home, I was pretty close to 24 hours without sleep.

And so was Jen when she wrote this blog... (and yet was still able to write a fantastic update!) ;)

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear friends,

A lot is happening and it is hard for me to find time or I guess the level of concentration needed to write. So, here goes nothin!

In the last few weeks we noticed that there weren't many girls out on the track when we would do outreach and we began to pray about possibly changing the time and or location of our outreach.
The first thing we did was decide to go out later or should I say "earlier"...the last 2 weeks we have met at 1am to pray and hit the track at about 2.

The first week, we still didn't see a lot of girls, though more than usual. We ran into a guy who runs a local liquor store that I have talked to on several occasions and asked him what was going on. He said the cops were doing a lot of undercover busts (we happened to meet a few several weeks before) and that girls were getting arrested and the track was quieting down. So I asked him where the girls were and he gave us a location just a couple of miles from our normal track. At the end of the night we went to check it out and just as he had said we saw several girls in the first couple of blocks. We decided that the following week (last night) we would go to the new track.

Back up a few minutes.... while on the old track (confused yet? ;) ) we met two sisters who were a very sweet and very broken pair. They had been working for over 30 years and they were eager to hear how we might help them change their lives. We tried to connect them with a home that night but weren't able to make the connection, so we gave them our number and took theirs and prayed with them. We weren't able to connect with them this week, but I am still hopeful that we will soon. As we were talking with them, I remembered that I had one scarf left that my sister had made for the girls and thought it would bless them, we encouraged them to remember that God was pursuing them and had good things for them when they looked at the scarf. Will you please pray with us for these two sisters?

This last week I was still in prayer about the track and where we should be and one afternoon, while thinking of all the events of the last week I realized God had already answered. In one week, the Lord connected me to a pregnancy clinic, a newly formed Bible study and a Young Life group in the exact area where we minister. Wow! Surely God is working in this area and bringing His people together, with all different gifts to reach His people. I am so blessed by the connections that have been made and excited to see how God will use the various ministries to draw the lost to Himself.

This Friday night we had enough people for two teams so we split up, one team went to the old track and one to the "new". Both of us met a lot of girls and gave out several gift bags. One thing we would ask you to pray for is the openness of the girls, that they will trust us and receive us as we seek to reach out to them. It seems that with the increased police activity, the girls are less likely to stop and talk with us and apparently we all look like cops :p

We absolutely covet your prayers for this ministry, we trust that the Lord is leading us and that He has us and we are so thankful for your partnership in prayer. For the most part we go on outreach on Friday nights, but our team needs prayer coverage all throughout the week!

In His grace,
Jen C
http://www.afterhoursministry.org/

All in Favor?

2011-03-31T14:51:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, we had a meeting for After Hours and I was asked to join the board of directors. I wasn't expecting this AT ALL so they told me I could pray about it and we'd discuss it again at the next meeting. Well, our next meeting is Sunday so I'll be voted in... that is, as long as they all still want me ;)

I've been reading up on non-profits with my handy dandy Nonprofit Kit for Dummies book and the other day I skipped ahead to learn more about being on the board:

You don't want just anybody to serve on your board. You want to choose the wealthiest, most generous members of your community who believe in what you're doing, will come to all your meetings, be advocates for your programs, provide honest and ethical oversight to the organization, and sweep the floor on weekends.

Wait... what?? ::Turns Page::

You won't find many board members who fit this description.

ummm you think?

Even so, the following three traits are critical to the success of the organization:

*Believing in your mission
*Being a good advocate on behalf of your programs
*Serving the organization as a careful and honest board member

Whew! Those Dummie authors had me going for a second there!

As you can see, this only scratches the surface of some of the changes this ministry is going through. Prayers are always appreciated! :)

Declaration of Dependence!

2011-03-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

I realized with all the bookkeeping and projects I work on at home, something was severely lacking. With having a degree in business and being in the business world for quite a few years, I knew that one of the first steps to being 'successful' was to have a good workspace. Working off a bombay chest and the bottom shelf of my book shelf wasn't the way to go. I needed an actual desk.

I set out to find something simple. I have limited space so I looked for something within the dimensions it would fit as well as in the price range I was willing to buy in. It didn't take long til Target came through with a desk that would not only work, but that was pretty too!

I started thinking of how I was going to go about getting this desk. It was heavy so I would need help getting it into my cart and into my car. I had never really assembled a piece of furniture on my own before so I might need some guidance with that too. I started thinking:

"Well I could always have Brad go to the store with me with his truck."

"I'm sure mom or Ron could help me assemble it."

But the more that I thought of options of who I could get to help me, the more a feeling of pride rose within me:

"No Jen. You can do this yourself. You don't need others. You don't need a man. You're an independent woman!"

As silly as I knew this quest for claiming my independence through a desk was, nothing I could tell myself would change my mind. It was settled. I had to do this on my own to prove, if only to myself, that I am an able person and can do things on my own. I don't know where this came from. I really don't. But it was there and that was that.

I went to the store and humbled myself enough to have a store attendant bring the desk out to my car... yes my little Yaris, telling myself it still counted as doing it on my own because I had to get the guts to ask for help (Seriously Jen??)

Two days later when I had free time during the weekend, I started working on assembling it in the garage. I had plans in an hour but I naively believed I could finish it in that amount of time.

Two and a half hours later, I was frustrated, had scratches on the desk that, turns out, was a two person job to assemble, had a sweet guy wondering where I was all this time... and yet, I still wouldn't ask for help. It wasn't finished, but I would finish later... on my own.

I later on joked with my family about the pride that caused me to do this all on my own, but it wasn't till later that I realized how ridiculous I really had been.

I was so set on being an 'Independent Woman' that I missed out on some amazing blessings and the chance to bless others:

*I have a family who loves me, who takes care of me, let's me live at home, and would have loved the chance to help me if I had asked.
*I have a really great guy who enjoys being creative and working on projects. He waited patiently for me to finish this desk, while I could have had him join me to spend time together while completing it.
*And, most importantly, I have a God who I can't do anything without. I can't come to Him without His grace, I can't 'succeed' without His will, and I can't even breathe another breath if He chose not to give it to me.

Independence? Is that really something I want?? I think not.

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
- James 4:6

P.S. Although it is now a symbol of my sin, check out my cute desk! :)

Update: Check out this quote I just found!

Tim Keller: “One of the principles of love—either of love for a friend or romantic love—is that you have to lose independence to attain greater intimacy.” (Reason for God, 47)

Encouraging!

2011-03-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship with the Mark and Brian show on KLOS. Love because they are all hilarious, play great music, and it helps the daily commute to LA go that much faster. Hate because... well, it can get kinda dirty sometime. Just not really my thing.

Anyway, I have a new reason to love the show. Check out the two-part testimony of one of the personalities on the show... it's worth your time, my friends ;)

Cough. Sneeze. Turn Page. Repeat.

2011-03-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

I haven't had the chance to give a full update on the changes and happenings of After Hours Ministry, but I will soon. In the meantime, keep praying and praise God that He is in control (because He is the only thing that makes sense!)

Until then, here's a small hint of what I have been up to lately. Or at least trying to do lately... don't you hate it when takes you 10 times longer to get things done when you're not feeling well? Ick.

Gotta love the 'for Dummies' books. Who woulda thought I'd buy one though?? ;)

Outreach tomorrow night. Pray pray pray! :)

The Throne

2011-02-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday in small group we had a discussion regarding if we truly do long for heaven and for Jesus to come back. We can say that we do, but do we still wish for other things here on earth to happen first? With an ashamed giggle, I had to admit that just minutes before going to group that day, I was thinking out loud with my sister of what I think, or hope, the next few years will bring about. It seemed like a pretty simple plan, what God would want. But then as we started discussing in group, I realized that the idea of Jesus coming back before any of these things happening hadn't entered my head.

If Jesus came back before I ever get married, before I have my own kids (biological or adopted), before I get to do full time missions, before, before, before... would I be disappointed? Or do I choose Jesus' return before my one-, three-, or five-year plan?

With that rolling around in my head, I drove down to LA for church service and a meeting. After an amazing message through Hosea, we entered a time a worship with an exhortation from the pastor: "Worship Jesus right now with everything. If you won't in here, you won't anywhere else."

Wanting to focus on Jesus alone during this time, I found myself distracted. I thought about how much I loved the music, I wondered what was to come with my meeting after church, I thought of the people I didn't get to see that day because I was out of town... and all the while, I witnessed the people around me with stretched out arms, singing as loud as they could as they praised God for all He has done.

Why was I so distracted? What do these people understand about this time of worship that I don't that causes them to praise without distraction, without worrying what others think, or without trying to impress others with their spirituality (you can tell the difference...)? I wanted to be before God's throne and worship with everything in me.

The throne.

"And above the expanse over their heads there was the likeness of a throne, in appearance like sapphire; and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness with a human appearance. And upward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were gleaming metal, like the appearance of fire enclosed all around. And downward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were the appearance of fire, and there was brightness around him. Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness all around.

Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. And when I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard the voice of one speaking."

-Ezekial 1:26-28

"...I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!"

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke."

-Isaiah 6:1-4

"At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald."

-Revelation 4:2-3

The throne!

Marriage? Kids? Missions? My plans? Do I want more than any of these things to see him on His throne? To worship him with all the creatures of the earth? To fall on my face before Him??

YES Jesus! I want Heaven!

Just an hour later, I was at our ministry meeting. We discussed new changes and what is to happen next. And all the while, I sat across the table from someone I care about, who wears their pain on their face. A weak "I'm here" smile was the most I knew how to offer. It killed me.

Marriage. Kids. Missions. My plans. Do I want more than all of these things to be in a place where there is no pain? To see an end to slavery, to divorce, to gossiping, to dissension amongst family members. To be in a place where there are no more tears?

Yes Lord. I want heaven. Come soon.

Gulp

2011-02-17T16:45:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, I read Proverbs 17:

4 An evildoer listens to wicked lips,
and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue.

7 Fine speech is not becoming to a fool;
still less is false speech to a prince.

20 A man of crooked heart does not discover good,
and one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.

27 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

Yesterday, I read Proverbs 18:

2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.

4 The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters;
the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.

6 A fool’s lips walk into a fight,
and his mouth invites a beating.

7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.

8 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.

13 If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame.

20 From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;
he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Today:

My boss walked into the room when a coworker and I were gossiping about someone.

I feel sick.

No One is in Trouble, But...

2011-02-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

Part of blogging on blogspot means you get this fancy little button that says 'Stats.' With this feature, you can see how many people look at your blog within a certain amount of time, where the people live (or at least what country), what posts they are reading, and... how they found your blog.

At least once a week, someone finds my blog by googling my first and last name. I'll admit it's a little creepy...

Who are you people who look me up??

Just curious ;)

Are you Sassier than a 5th Grader?

2011-02-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

The conversation:

Me: You girls should really be nicer to and about your little sisters. Someday you will be adults and your little sister might become one of your closest friends...

My 4th-6th grade girls at church: But they are so annoying! ahhh!! ::add some words like 'stupid' and 'hate' in there::

Me: Yeah my sister was annoying too. But now she's almost 21 and not only can she see why she annoyed me, she is no longer annoying and is really cool!

5th Grader: Wait... she's 21? how old are you?

Me: 27

5th Grader: ::looks at other girl:: wow... and she's not even married...

And on that note...

OH! but I guess I should add this, the gift my Valentine MADE for me :D

I feel spoiled...

and for Tomorrow?

2011-02-06T20:42:00.000-08:00

Two and a half years ago, as I was volunteering at the Dream Center in LA, I had this crazy and original (or so I thought*) idea that instead of only volunteering in the inner city, it could be a good thing to live there with the people...

The next day, Keith Phillips, President of World Impact, came as a guest speaker to my church in Simi Valley. He told about his ministry in the inner city for the last few decades (*proving my idea wasn't so original) and from that moment on, my heart has ached for the mission field...

Six months ago, I decided to stop sitting around and finally work on my World Impact application...

Today, after sitting on my application even longer, Keith Phillips came as a guest speaker to my church in Lancaster. I don't remember the last church service where my heart has beat so fast the entire time...

My head is spinning. I don't like feeling torn.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Selah
-Psalm 62:5-8

Gotten

2011-01-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make...

About a year ago, there was a huge buzz on the radio about Slash coming out with a new album. I've never been a fan, but I have never been a not-fan either, but for some reason, I have been wanting the album ever since. Every song features a different artist performing with him... Fergie, Adam Levine, Ozzy (should I also confess that I really like his voice?? lol)...

So yesterday, with my Borders gift card - which I had to use before they go bankrupt - I finally bought the CD.

And I LOVE it! Every song. (er... except the first line of the last song... lyrically it's... eek!) There's not one song that doesn't make me feel amazingly musically fed. And here's one of my faves... ;)

Thank you Mark and Brian. Your musical tastes and recommendations have yet to fail me.

Prostitute Outreach - 1/28/11

2011-01-29T15:44:00.000-08:00

Written by Jen C :)

You could say tonight began like any other night...we all met up at Laurie and Daryl's and went from there to 7-11 to pray. There were 5 girls tonight and true to form we began the night with being goofy and giggling a lot... even though we faced some hard realities tonight, our sense of joy never left and we simply enjoyed our fellowship as we were out. Some of us even got new nicknames which I could never explain in an adequate way on this blog so I won't even try. :)

When we first hit the track we saw a few girls here and there and at least 3 saw us and disappeared (sometimes...ok, almost all the time, they think we're cops and they run :/ ). Then we saw a group of three girls and Julia, Katie and Lindsey went to talk with them and give them gifts. They recognized them and were friendly but said they didn't need prayer. Katie remembered one of their names (cause she's awesome!) and the girl was blown away, praise God!

The next girl we talked to was approached by Katie, Lindsey and Julia as well and they walked with her for awhile and she began to open up, she had also seen us out there before. She said she wanted to get off the streets right then, but as they continued talking (and she found out they were serious!) she began to back out and told a story about moving back to Georgia where her parents are... it was hard to discern which parts of the story were true. The girls prayed for her and she continued on her way.

The last girl we met absolutely broke my heart, she was 14. At first she looked sort of weirded out by us (Jen and I were talking with her) then I thought she might cry. As she talked about her family and her life I could tell she didn't have a lot of hope and didn't believe much for her future. I asked her if she had a relationship with Jesus, she said yes. I asked her if she knew he loved her and she hesitated a little. I asked her if it was sometimes hard to believe that He loved her because of all she experienced, she said yes. I told her that His love was real so much that He sent us to tell her about it and to offer her hope. She definitely started opening up to us as we continued talking and then I asked her how she got there and soon discovered she wanted to go home but needed a ride, so we took her home. I do believe she was working out there but it was a little bit of a strange situation. Either way, praise God for the conversation we had and that we were able to take her safely home! Once we got her home, I prayed with her and said goodbye.

By this time it was getting late and we were way off our normal track so we decided to head home...but not without a few more laughs on the way ;) Praise God for the joy He gives!

Please continue to pray for these women and for After Hours Ministry, thank you!

Update

2011-01-28T13:06:00.000-08:00

I promise I do my best not to ramble... but perhaps I really don't try enough...

1. Pictures

So turns out I am awful at keeping commitments. Ok that's not true. I have had my job for 3-1/2 years and a boyfriend for almost 2 months (and that's a BIG DEAL! - it really is... turns out I might be one of those runners or something...) but commitments to taking pictures everyday? I just can't do it. I have kept a camera in my purse consistently for the last who-knows-how-many years and the number of pictures I have taken in that time can probably be easily counted. So... soddy, but no more of the picture a day stuff. Back to our scheduled (or lack of scheduled) program.

2. Seminar/ROAD TRIP!

Last weekend Jen and I went to a human trafficking conference, called 'Freedom Summit' up in Fremont. It was super fun! Well, I mean, human trafficking isn't fun. But the road trip part was fun. A lot of 80s dance party type stuff going on as well as her teaching me how to play 'Hey Cow!' while driving the beautiful 101 (it's a more complicated game than it sounds... ok not really... hehe). Anyway, we discovered that there wasn't a whole lot of new information for us to learn there. I really enjoyed hearing Dave Batstone speak (author of Not for Sale) and speakers from Hagar Cambodia, but overall, it may be a seminar for people who don't usually talk to trafficking victims on a regular basis. But over all, it was great to take time off work and officially break in Eunice! (Yes... I did finally name my car. Cute right??)

3. World Impact

I haven't updated on this in a while. I have been at a point where there isn't much I can do to move forward. I need one more reference and I am having a hard time filling that spot (under specific criteria). There is a relief that I have to wait as I have been torn about the whole deal lately (for perhaps obvious reasons? If you think about it, you may figure it out...) but overall, should this last reference be filled, I really don't know what I would do. Going forward or waiting... neither gives me peace. Neither option feels right. Prayers appreciated... :/

4. After Hours

I was going to write more when I first drafted this post, but that was before I had posted the last update. I wasn't there, but last Friday was pretty amazing. We are going out tonight and I'm excited to see what God does! We are really praying about how to continue to bring the ministry to the 'next level' and so far, God has been every bit of faithful to do that for us ;)

The end.

Prostitute Outreach - 1/21/11

2011-01-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

While Jen (yes we are 'Jen and Jen'... we are super cool like that!) and I were up in Fremont at a Human Trafficking conference, the team was out on the track talking to the girls. As Jen pointed out to us today, right around the same time they were talking to the woman about leaving for a home, God had prompted Jen for us to stop what we were doing and pray for the team and that there would be life changing decisions made that night. How amazing the Holy Spirit is!

This is written by Cynthia about that evening. I don't know what the story is on M***** now, but continue to pray for her and the rest of the girls.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks ago Friday was the first outreach I had been on in about two months. When I showed up, I was so thrilled to see the Lord had been busy raising an army of us to reach the girls on the streets! There were three new team members who joined us and praise God for more who are willing to give up their Friday nights to reach the lost!

This past Friday was a special night and I didn’t want too much time to pass before I wrote about it – not to boast about anything we’ve done but to glorify God who is working through us. This time there were five of us and we piled into my car around 8pm to head out to the track. As we arrived, it seemed to be pretty quiet on the streets. We drove a while without seeing any girls – but then again it seems like that’s always how it starts.

Then we saw the first one and Julia, Sharon and Katie approached her and were able to talk with her and give her a gift. And the night went on like that for a little while – we handed out a few more gift bags but not too many girls were interested in speaking with us in depth. We were able to pray for a couple of them however and I am always blessed when God opens that door.

Then we came upon N****. She was a little put off by us at first not really wanting to engage us in conversation (she probably thought we were cops like they all do). I assured her we weren’t and asked her where she was from and boy did her answer shock me – she said Alaska! Alaska??!! Really? What in the world are you doing down here?! She had only been in California about a month and half and found herself in bad circumstances (which she did not go into detail on) and there she was – on the streets! Oh how my heart broke for her! I told her she needed to get back home and asked her if she knew Jesus. Here is where her eyes welled up and she said yes but she was just going through a time right now – pray for her. Pray that she will get out of the game before she gets stuck down here.

Later Julia, Sharon and Katie went to speak with another girl and while Daryl and I were hanging out waiting for them we spotted another girl across the street. We went over to speak with her and she seemed broken right from the start (she had also obviously been drinking). Sensing that she might be open to the idea, Daryl immediately asked her if we could find a place for her tonight, would she be interested in leaving the streets – she said yes! Wow! All the times I’ve been out there I’ve never heard a girl say yes to that question!

We were sort of at a loss as to what to do so Daryl started making phone calls to find a place that would take her. In the meantime, I prayed with her and then she began to speak and on and on she went. I could hardly understand her but she had tears in her eyes and she seemed like she was so tired of doing the wrong things. She was also lamenting about her four kids and how she had done them wrong. Well this went on for what seemed like forever – Daryl on the phone, M****** going on and on and we finally found a place that was going to come and pick her up right away. By then the other three on our team had joined us and we were all standing out there, freezing, praying, hoping that M***** would follow through (I’ll be honest, I had my doubts).

As we’re standing there, other girls stopped by to see if M***** was ok – I mean, after all, she was surrounded by five white people and she was crying and ranting etc… We of course passed out gifts to all the girls that stopped by (one a daughter of a minister!) and one who touched my heart. A*****, only 19 years old who’s father is dead and mother is in jail. So she’s out on the streets on her own – pray for her safety.

So this scene continues for 30 min maybe 45 and then all of a sudden M***** walks away saying she can’t go to the home tonight because she promised her daughter who is in jail that she would visit her tomorrow and she didn’t want to break that promise. I really felt that was simply an excuse and that she just became scared – but perhaps she really did need to see her daughter. So we honored her request, took her phone number and promised to call her the next day after she visited her daughter and arrange for her to go to the home.

Sadly, Julia attempted to reach her multiple times Sat eve as promised but got nothing but her voice mail. If you’re reading this, please take just 2 min right now and plead with the Lord to change her heart – that she would not be afraid, that she would call us back and leave the life she is so tired of.

I know this post was long but believe me, I left a lot out. God is working and we are so privileged to be a part of it. Please pray for these girls….

A Year in Pictures - Day ?

2011-01-10T13:42:00.000-08:00

I did an awful job at keeping up with my daily pictures over the weekend. To make up for it, I will give you two today ;)

1. After not seeing my special guy for 4 day because he was gone at work, I was not only excited to see him, but I was also met with a surprise: he shaved his head! I was definitely surprised at first, but I really like it. Now I just have to control myself to not proclaim, "You're in the Jungle Baby!" every time I see him... Poor guy has to deal with my cheesy humor ;)

2. Friday night I went to eat dinner in one of my favorite places in Hollywood... Tender Greens! Yummy salads and sandwiches and things that are seemingly healthy, but with all the delicious flavors they put on it, probably not that healthy ;)

As I stood in line, scoping out a place to sit, my eyes made contact with someone who looked familiar, but it took me a second to figure out why... it was actor John C Reilly! He's been in a ton of movies. My favorite is his part as Amos in Chicago. You're no Mr. Cellophane to me, buddy!

I found a table on the other side of the restaurant facing the window to watch the people walk by... and guess who ended up stopping to chat with someone right outside the window? YUP! Check out my paparazzi skills...

I should probably add that outreach on Friday was pretty amazing ;) I will try to blog about that sometime too!

A Year in Pictures - Day 6

2011-01-06T15:51:00.000-08:00

Be kind... I am using my cell phone for a camera.

My lunch today? Food that's bad for the body and 'food' that's good for the soul! Mmmm... it was a nice break!

Mmmm Chipotle

By the way, as I sat quietly eating and reading, I saw two cops go by... on horses! In Hollywood! By the time I stopped laughing and decided I should take a picture, they were gone. As wonderful as time in the Word is, the cops might have been a more interesting picture... soddy!

A Year in Pictures - Day 5

2011-01-05T16:46:00.000-08:00

I was gonna blog about something else... until these showed up at my desk...

WOW! I am so spoiled! I really don't feel like I deserve to be treated so sweetly!

Then it got me thinking of God's salvation for us, His grace, and his blessings and gifts. Sometimes I forget, even in the midst of being a recipient of them, how much I don't deserve anything that's good from Him. He is so good to us!

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" - Matthew 7:11

Guilty

2011-01-04T15:41:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure this sums up my blog...

Thanks (yet again) Abraham and this guy... oh and Lemony Snicket too (How many need-to-get-to-those-eventually books are you allowed to have until you have to just stop collecting? Because this book might be added to that collection soon...).

By the way, if I don't take a picture by the end of the day, this is my cheater solution to still having my daily pic. I'll do my best to not make a habit of it.

A Year in Pictures - Day 3

2011-01-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

As predicted, today was a snow day. And being the 'summer-lovin-cold-hatin' girl I am, I stayed home all day. I decided I am more than ready to return to work, to be productive... so to fill that need to be productive, I cleaned my room, crocheted a lot, read 20 chapters of the Bible (usually I read 10 a day!), caught up on bookkeeping, and listened to John Piper speak at the Passion conference.

But one thing I did NOT do today is let my sister beat me at cards... (sigh...)

P.S. I miss my nutty coworkers. :P

Speechless

2011-01-03T18:01:00.001-08:00

Revelation 4

1After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven! And the first voice, which I had heard speaking to me like a trumpet, said, "Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this." 2At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. 3And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald. 4Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. 5From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, 6and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal.

And around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures, full of eyes in front and behind: 7 the first living creature like a lion, the second living creature like an ox, the third living creature with the face of a man, and the fourth living creature like an eagle in flight. 8And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they never cease to say,

"Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,
who was and is and is to come!"

9And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, 10the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying,

11 "Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created."

A Year in Pictures - Day 2

2011-01-02T15:14:00.000-08:00

Unlike any other place, when it snows in CA, everything gets shut down. "Everything" meaning freeways.

I have been off work since the 23rd. My inbox will be a mess, I have tons of 'beginning of the year' projects, and, I'll admit, I do miss having a normal schedule...

But that said, should I pray what has begun today continues? This could change my plans to return to work tomorrow... oh darn (sarcasm intended)

2011?

2011-01-01T23:58:00.001-08:00

Updates on life have been neglected because:

a. refer to my last post. (and if anyone wasn't able to figure out the cryptic drawing, I have a boyfriend! Yay!)
b. when I am not at work I am not online much. It's REALLY nice! But my faithful followers suffer...
c. Christmas! New Years! So much happening!

So to quickly update, and follow up on a post from a while back, I am back on facebook. For the time being, I feel like my narcissism has taken a rest... but prayers are appreciated that ALL will be for the glory of God... and will stay that way ;)

And another update... I am almost to day 50 of my "10 chapters a day in the Bible" reading plan! That's 500 chapters of the Bible that I have read in less than 2 months! Take tha New Year's resolutions! Who needs a date of the year to start something new and amazing! (and if anyone was wondering... the book of Judges rocks. Do it!)

Oh and speaking of New Years... Happy New Year! About 5 of the bloggers I follow are doing this whole "picture a day for a year" thing. I think it's kinda cute and it gets people to blog more, so I am gonna take my shot at it.

Given that I have about ten minutes left of January 1, this picture will be of what is directly in front of me and will give a description (or maybe not?) of what I did for New Years Eve:

Sorry it's so dark!

Here's to 2011! I'm starting it off well with yet another rambling blog post... ;)

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

2010-12-14T17:34:00.000-08:00

...and I have two to 'sum up' the latest happenings!

I might be really behind the times with this, but apparently Instant Messengers have this program where you can draw pictures and send them to each other. My drawings... BAD! But the one's I receive?

Jesus (football + GF) = happy BF!

In case you need clarification, I am 'GF' and somehow (miraculously?), I am included in the equation of making 'BF' smile...

Well, smiling is the goal, at least. But this might be reality for him once things settle in:

(That's him pulling out his hair. Poor guy... he has no idea what he is in for!)

My life in pictures... The End!

P.S. I am REALLY EXCITED!

True Love

2010-12-13T17:47:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to get enough of Phil Wickham's music lately. Here's what has been stuck in my head the last few days ;)

Breathe Jen

2010-12-09T16:55:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how life can take a turn... a *wonderful* turn... and yet I can still find myself freaking out.

Freaking out because I am afraid that I am going to mess it all up.
Freaking out because I am going to have to start being real.
Freaking out because "if it's too good to be true, it probably is," right?

So yeah... I'M FREAKING OUT!

Well, I was. Until I reminded myself (through talking and walking and praying it out) that I don't need all the answers and I don't need to be in control either.

Yes I AM going to mess it up.
Yes I AM going to have to be real... and it's going to get ugly.
Yes it DOES seem too good to be true, but that doesn't mean it really is.

And Yes... I need to trust that God knows better than me, that He is sovereign, and that when I mess this up (not if), He will use it to show His glory.

Phew! Much better ;)

Thank you Lord for not letting me be in control, for knowing me better than I know myself, and for holding me through every step of this crazy life! Oh and thank you for the comfort of Italian food and the talented hands who make it. I love the little blessings you give us along the way!

28 Days!

2010-12-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

Nope this is not a movie review... I am celebrating 28 days (in a row) of being in the Word! This might seem silly to celebrate, but most Bible reading plans have never really worked for me. Usually I will do good for a week (MAYBE two) and then give up. But here I am, 28 days and going strong! :)

Thank you Jesus for your Word and for giving me the desire to dig in!

"We cannot worship a God we do not know. Worship is hollow if disconnected from Word." - David Platt

(If you want to check out this reading plan that even *I* can follow, go HERE!) :)

Amen

2010-12-03T12:43:00.000-08:00

Psalm 25

Teach Me Your Paths
Of David.

To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame;
let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O LORD;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!

Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.

All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For your name’s sake, O LORD,
pardon my guilt, for it is great.
Who is the man who fears the LORD?
Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.
His soul shall abide in well-being,
and his offspring shall inherit the land.
The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him,
and he makes known to them his covenant.
My eyes are ever toward the LORD,
for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
bring me out of my distresses.
Consider my affliction and my trouble,
and forgive all my sins.

Consider how many are my foes,
and with what violent hatred they hate me.
Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
for I wait for you.

Redeem Israel, O God,
out of all his troubles.

But I NEED it!

2010-11-29T15:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my sister and I were sitting in small group. I looked up at the clock when it ended and realized we still had about a half hour until church service started.

"Let's go get Starbucks. I need coffee." I said.

"Jen, you don't NEED it," Courtney replied, convictingly (yes I am making up words) "You just want it." She can be so annoying... (hehe)

"No... I need it!" I protested. But instead of running to my car, I let time pass and I missed my opportunity to get some yummy coffee.

Do I ever really NEED Starbucks? A $4 cup of water filtered through delicious dirt?

Did I really NEED the 4 books I bought the other night?

Do I really NEED to have lunch out every day, those cute shoes at Target, or to go to that really expensive hair stylist instead of Supercuts?

I'm feeling convicted today. And when I feel convicted, I start posting youtube videos that I have already posted 5 times before, but the kick in the head still hurts just as much.

After Hours Update

2010-11-23T17:45:00.000-08:00

Written by Jen C

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for the delay in writing this, there has been so much going on, it is hard to find time to sit and write.

I really just want to give thanks to the Lord for all that He has done and is doing...we have so clearly seen His hand in the last several weeks. I had written before about feeling like we were hitting a wall of sorts in our ministry, well that wall is a crumblin! I really believe it started in prayer several weeks ago. As a team we took time just to seek the Lord and His vision, He began to reveal to us our next steps but He also began to reveal to us things that were hindering. I was strongly convicted of pride, thinking I could do things on my own rather than seeking the Lord. As I and others repented of the sin God had shown us in our hearts and sought Him in prayer, we began to see a breakthrough. We were able to hear Him more clearly and truly many of the walls had come down.

2 Fridays ago we hit the streets again, this time it was just Daryl and I and two new friends from Kansas City, who are being led to start their own outreach. We were so blessed to have them out with us and the Lord (as always) did great things!

2 women in particular really stood out to us: A**** and E**** sadly, what I noticed about both was a sense of hopelessness as if every ounce of hope they might have had was stripped away by the pain they daily endured. Each girl looked as though she was merely a shadow of who she once was or who she was intended to be. I can hardly think of anything more devastating than the loss of hope.

A was very willing to talk and shared some about herself, she had been on the streets for a long time. I gave her all of our information and told her we could help her if she wanted to get off the streets. I then prayed for her and said goodbye. I have said a lot of hard goodbyes in my lifetime but the ones I experience on the street week after week are by far some of the most difficult. Everything in me wants to take the girl with me that instant, so that she will never experience the terror of what has become her life again.

When we approached E I saw the same look that I did in A...hopelessness. We asked her a few questions and then asked if we could pray for her and she said, "pray that I get off these streets". You may think that we commonly hear that but in truth, it is seldom spoken. So, we did pray and told her there was a place we could take her anytime and gave her our number and then without a word she slowly, dejectedly walked away. It was as if she was so hopeless our offer of hope overwhelmed her and not believing it to be possible she became more hopeless even in that instant. My heart broke, as did the rest of team's. We spoke for a few minutes about what the Lord was showing us in that moment and realized we may not have made it perfectly clear that we could help get her off the streets that night. So we piled in the car and drove down to where she was. Daryl rolled down the window and asked her if she wanted to get off the street tonight and she replied by saying "my mom is coming to get me right now". Well, who knows, maybe she did call her mom (although I highly doubt it) but literally just seconds later the police pulled up and stopped her.
We all looked at each other and realized that God had answered us, maybe not in the way we had hoped, but she was going to get off the streets that night.

It is quite common for girls to go to jail and a few days later be back out on the street, my prayer is that in E's case she will not even consider it and will find herself somewhere safe where she can begin a new life. It's not too much to ask, it's not impossible, in fact it is absolutely possible with the Lord and it is His will that she be free. It is God's will that these young women have great hope in Him and that is our heart's desire as well.

Please continue to pray that we would hear from the Lord not just in long term vision but for every single decision, conversation, prayer....everything. We can do nothing apart from Him.

Praise God for all the doors He is opening:
A partnership with the Walter Hoving Home in Pasadena
Our next training class and outreach with Reformation House of Prayer in Los Angeles (December 4th)

She did it again...

2010-11-23T11:34:00.000-08:00

Because I don't have facebook anymore (I still LOVE being free from it!), this is the only way I can share things that have been really convicting for me and I can only hope my two followers get something out of it...

Putting down the chocolates...

Psalms and Isaiah

2010-11-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

Psalm 12
To the choirmaster: according to The Sheminith. A Psalm of David.

Save, O LORD, for the godly one is gone;
for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man.
Everyone utters lies to his neighbor;
with flattering lips and a double heart they speak.

May the LORD cut off all flattering lips,
the tongue that makes great boasts,
those who say, "With our tongue we will prevail,
our lips are with us; who is master over us?"

"Because the poor are plundered, because the needy groan,
I will now arise," says the LORD;
"I will place him in the safety for which he longs."
The words of the LORD are pure words,
like silver refined in a furnace on the ground,
purified seven times.

You, O LORD, will keep them;
you will guard us from this generation forever.
On every side the wicked prowl,
as vileness is exalted among the children of man.

Psalm 13
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Isaiah 12

You will say in that day:"I will give thanks to you, O LORD,
for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
that you might comfort me.

"Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation."

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. 4 And you will say in that day:

"Give thanks to the LORD,
call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim that his name is exalted.

"Sing praises to the LORD, for he has done gloriously;
let this be made known in all the earth.
Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."

DELETED!

2010-11-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

In light of my last post (wow did you really need me to link to it? Scroll down lazy!), I decided to kill a snake...

Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling convicted of some things:

1. I'm a bad friend. The 'Hi' 'How ya doin?' and 'Welp, I'm prayin for ya' (while all in passing) just can't be what God intended when He brought His people together to fellowship and encourage one another (Hebrews 10:24-25)

2. I'm a big ugly gossip. Need I say more? :(

3. I'm horrible at managing my time. I have started a new Bible reading plan and it's only made me realize how little time I devote to spending time in God's word. I need more!!

4. I'm prideful. VERY prideful. I constantly have to ask myself when I tell people about the After Hours Ministry (or blog about it): Am I talking about it because I am super excited about what GOD is doing? or to tell people what *I* am doing?? My motivation for sharing things about myself needs to be in constant 'check.'

5. I'm lazy. If something is going to take more effort than a simple task would, I will either procrastinate or just not do it at all.

Interesting that during this time, I would come across this: Social Media and Digital Discernment (It's long... but even 'lazy me' got through it.)

OUCH Pastor! Way to go with the 5 finger death punch to the heart!

That's when I killed my snake: I deleted my facebook. And I feel so FREE! I'm excited what God is going to do with my relationships, my tongue, my time, my pride, and my laziness!

Eww... I think I just threw up in my mouth...

Watch Out For Snakes!

2010-11-14T20:47:00.000-08:00

A Few years ago we had a garden snake in our front yard. Luckily I wasn't home for it, but legend says it climbed up our front door trying to get in the house! Gross! For quite a long time after that happened, every time I would leave the house to go to work, my mom would walk me to the door and then yell out as I walked to my car:

"Watch out for snakes!"

It became our family joke... always watching out for snakes. But perhaps there was something prophetic there. Just the other night my mom told me this story that she heard in a sermon...

There was a young woman who bought a snake when it was just a 'baby.' This snake would sleep on a pillow next to her head and then when it started to get bigger, it would sleep at the foot of her bed. 'Snuggles' was her precious pet. One day she took her snake to the vet because he hadn't been eating for about a month or so.

"Have you noticed anything else strange about your snake besides his eating habits?" the vet asked.

"Yes actually" the concerned snake owner explained, "Usually he sleeps at the foot of my bed. Lately I will wake up in the middle of the night and find him stretch out by my side, from my feet all the way to my armpit."

"Kill it"

"What??"

"Kill the snake... now."

"Kill Snuggles? I can't kill Snuggles! Why do I need to kill him?"

"Because," the vet explained, "He is measuring you to see how much bigger he needs to get to eat you."

Thoughts:

EWWWWWW!!! SNAKES!!!
EWWWWWW!!! SNAKES THAT EAT PEOPLE!!!

Once I finally got through the heebie jeebies, my mom talked about the reason this story was told: SIN!

Sin! It's "crouching at your door" (Genesis 4:7)! And it wants to EAT you! Sin... it starts out as something small, something managable, but then it grows to a size where you have only two choices: let it gobble you up in your sleep or kill it.

More thoughts:

EWWWWWW!!! SIN!!!
EWWWWWW!!! SIN THAT EATS PEOPLE!!!

Lessons of the day:

1. Don't have snakes as pets. I mean, really people??

2. "Be killing sin or sin will be killing you." - John Owen

Shopping

2010-11-09T16:44:00.000-08:00

Through the process of car shopping this last weekend, I realized there was something uncomfortably familiar about it: It's a lot like 'man shopping.' Like I said, this is going to be really uncomfortable. Bare with me here... I'm going to a 'Marriage Conference for Singles' type thing this weekend so I guess I am just preparing myself for it and it's on the brain. ::shrug::

When shopping for a car, it's all about all the details that we are looking for, what we want, what we don't want, what we are willing to compromise on, and what we are willing to pay for it. And then in the end, it becomes a game. We plan out what we can say to the sales man to get the price lower, he says what he can to make us think the price is better than it is, and then we walk away either with what we wanted because we played our game right, or we walk away empty handed with the hopes that the next day we will receive a phone call from the sales man when he has finally come to his senses and is willing to make a better offer.

What else does that sound like? The dumb dating game. Like a car, we investigate some things:

Year/Mileage - How much life experience has he had? Too much? Too little?
MPG - Is the effort we put into the relationship going to be matched?
Body/color - Is he attractive??
Engine type - What do they believe? What drives them? (You would think religion would be under 'details' but for those of us who are Christians, loving Jesus is not just a detail... it should influence the way the person functions in every way!)
Accessories - We have our negotiables and our non-negotiables. We would like those tinted windows and spinning rims (a neat eater with an amazing beard) but its not enough to get us to walk away. But if there are no power locks or A/C (heart for the poor and a good sense of humor), No Thanks! I'll keep looking!

Price - Then we get to the bottom line. How much of ourselves are we willing to give to this relationship? If the life experience is more than we want, shouldn't we be able to offer less of ourselves? If the beard was included, would we invest a bit more of ourselves?

A game. A game about what we can get for what we give.

And yet, we do the same to Jesus. It's all a game of give-and-take. We tell ourselves its not. We preach against 'prosperity gospel' til we are blue in the face... but we still do the same thing. When our car breaks down, we give Jesus less praise than deserved. When He gives us a new car, we lift our arms in gratitude... because He gave us what we wanted. We seem to think the commandment to praise Him no matter what (Philippians 4:4) is allowed to be tossed out the window when things get tough. We turn our relationship with Christ into just another shopping game, giving only what we think is deserved based on the wants that we get, instead of based on obedience and on what we have already received, which is worth so much more than a dumb car or a guy who can laugh.

Sigh...

Anyway, this was just a long-winded, rabbit-trail way of introducing my cute, practical, low mileage, good mpg, with all the bells and whistles new car! No name yet... any suggestions?

Ode to Fiona

2010-11-05T15:18:00.000-07:00

Before you judge me for naming my car, if you are a parent then you have all the fun in the world naming your kids and ruining their lives with the weird name ideas that come into your head. My car is just an inanimate object. Any ridicule for the names I give my cars will only affect me. I could totally judge you with far greater reason if I wanted to, but I won't. But what I will do is continue to name my cars. (Ideas are streaming in now for my new one!)

That said, Fiona got into an accident last week. I was driving out of town for my mini vacation when I suddenly lost control of the car, slammed into the median to my left, and then went spinning across the 4 lanes of the freeway. How did I lose control? Good question. I'd like to know that myself! All I know is by the grace of God I didn't hit anyone, flip over, and no one was hurt. Whew! Well, no one... except... ::tears:: ...Fiona.

Almost 7 years ago, I purchased my first car. As a youngin' in my early 20s, it was time to make my first big purchase. (Look at how skinny I was!)

Over that time of 7 years... wow think about it! 7 years! That's longer than any job I have ever had! That's also a longer period of time than any relationship I have ever had! And let's face it... Fiona has probably suffered much more abuse than any of my boyfriends ever did... ::gulp::

Within that 7 years, I have learned how to become a better driver (or worse... depending on how you look at it... working in LA has ruined me!), I have driven her to and from Valencia, LA, San Diego, and other locations, on a REGULAR basis! I have also stuffed her full of over 30 Treasure Boxes at once (and those things are heavy too!)

She has also listened quietly as I cried my heart out through hurt friendships, lost relationships, broken engagements (well, only one. Thank goodness. Yikes!), and dealt with mean drivers. She kept secrets that no one else knows... oh dear if that girl could talk! Without complaint, she let me use words a sweet Christian girl shouldn't. She knew my sinful nature better than many!

In her last days, she had a lot of repairs needed. But she still brought me to and from work, church, home, etc... regardless of my neglect to fix her problems or clean her.

And now? Now she has been taken away by a tow truck carrying other cars that most likely have the same destiny... sold piece by piece. But me? I will easily move on. I will move on to something younger and better and forget the attachment I had with this lovely girl who wanted to do nothing more than treat me right. Sheesh I sound like a man! (I kid I kid! kinda...)

Goodbye my friend! Hugs and kisses for a car that served me well!

Who do I think I am??

2010-11-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Amidst everything that has been happening lately (which I will update on later... I always say that, but do I ever really? *Oh well*), God has been sprinkling reminders all over the place of His sovereignty, of His promises to take care of me (Matthew 7:11), and of my sinful tendency to lose all faith in Him the second things go differently than I think they should. It's pretty disgusting when it comes down to it.

When my mom told me my car was officially totaled, I panicked, wondering how I would ever get by (I am so stinkin' dramatic...)

But then when I was told about the open doors to get a new car, a weight was lifted and I was jumping and singing...

Shouldn't I have been rejoicing regardless??

Then today my dear friend posted this as her facebook status:

"As Solomon wrote, "For God gives rest to his loved ones" (Psalm 127:2).

And so it is for the person who puts his or her trust in God. When we are worrying, we are really saying that God isn't in control, that God is not paying attention. When we worry, we are not trusting in the providence of God.

And what is the providence of God? It is the belief that God is in control of the universe. And specifically as Christians, it means we believe there are no accidents in our lives. Nothing touches us that has not first passed through His hands.

- Greg Laurie (see full entry Here)

Wow! So true! If I am truly trusting in God with my life, will I still be worrying or stressing? No way! David slept peacefully in the lion's den. Why? Because he trusted in God regardless of His circumstances! If I truly believe that this car accident is a PART of God's plan, not a set back from it, what kind of joy would I have BECAUSE of the accident?

To take it further, I was then reminded me of something Francis Chan wrote in his book, Crazy Love. It's one of my favorite books and this part was one of those that stuck with me because I had never heard it this way before:

"When I am consumed by my problems – stressed out by my life, my family, my job – I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a “right” to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it’s ok to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we’ve been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won’t be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God’s strength, our problems are small, indeed.

Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are?

So when we worry and stress, not only are we showing God that we don't trust Him, but it is actually sinning! We are making our circumstances a bigger god in our lives than the one God who can take care of those circumstances! That's so crazy and humbling!

Jesus, forgive me of my sin of not trusting you. YOU ARE BIGGER!

Darkness Falls Across The Land...

2010-10-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

One more video. Plus no time for real blogging because I am leaving for SLO today. Yay for Tina time!! :)

P.S. Yesterday morning my mom randomly, totally out of nowhere, said to me, "We really do need to learn that Thriller dance." Does that make her the coolest mom ever? I'd say so!

P.S.S. I actually posted this blog on Wednesday but had it scheduled to show up yesterday, thinking I would be halfway to my destination by then. Little did I know I would have been in an accident around the same time this posted! So no trip for me. Blog about the accident coming soon ;)

Math Lovers Unite!

2010-10-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry no real blogs lately. I will get out of this postingvideos&weirdpicturesinsteadofpostingrealthoughts phase soon. Until then...

"What does a person look for then?"

2010-10-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

I'm really only posting this because the girl with the spikes coming out of her head was starting to creep me out. And because I like it.

Thanks again Abraham Piper. Check out the comments on his post.

You might end up dumb(er) for reading this

2010-10-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

To warn you from the beginning, with thunder and lighting and bursts of rain, my bedroom was it's own special light show and earthquake box all night. Kind of like Star Tours... only it didn't make me feel sick... or bored (Sorry Disney fans... but that ride made it onto the 'Jen's least favorite rides EVER' list...)

All that to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. It was loud, bright, and... well, a little scary... and now? Now I am tired, jittery from too much caffeine, and crazy haired...

Google FAIL. I did a search for 'cartoon crazy bed head hair' and got this... ummm...

Now that you've been warned, here's an update of things that no one really cares about anyway:

1. Never mind. This was a dumb idea. I don't feel like updating. I'm too tired... and jittery... and crazy haired (but NOT like the picture above) to be funny or creative or intuitive.

Enjoy the creepy picture. ;)

Because I like to laugh...

2010-10-15T13:56:00.000-07:00

...and I'm sure you do too, here are a couple videos that are pretty funny! Some are old and some are newer... but fun nonetheless!

1. Chris Tomlin. Like you've never seen him before.

2. Told you being a single lady is awesome! Everyone wants to be one...

3. Since I've been talking about what a horrible person I am, the fact that I enjoy this video immensely only shows what a twisted person I really am. But I challenge you, oh you twisted soul, to not like it also. ;)

Update: Turns out Abraham Piper had the same idea as me today. The first two videos are kinda dumb... the third almost made me pee my pants... (just sayin')

7 Days of Denial

2010-10-13T18:11:00.000-07:00

During my year at Hope International University, the dorm leaders challenged us all to a '7 Days of Denial.' This meant, basically, a fast. A couple people actually did fast from food, but most of us fasted from other things. Some of the guys from video games, some other people of things they felt they spent too much time on, and a bulk of us girls fasted from... GASP!... looking in the mirror! It was something one of the leaders was feeling convicted of, so she challenged us to do the same.

At first I didn't think it would be a big deal. "It's not like I look in the mirror that much anyway..." I thought... Boy was I wrong! With a school filled with mirror-like windows on the outside of every classroom, I realized quickly how much I looked at myself. It was so easy too... my reflection was so accessible. It only made sense to look at it! I found myself walking with my head down often. I also had to take the stairs every where too... Our elevator had mirrors on the inside. The first time us girls tried to take it during that week? We screamed and ran! Yes... have fun with it if you want... I DID scream when I saw myself!

As the week came to an end, I learned a lot about trusting in God, not worrying about my outward appearance, and time management. And yet, part of me still wondered what I would look like when the week ended. I went a week of no make-up (funny... now I hardly wear it anyway...) and letting my hair run wild. The first time looking in a mirror? It was anti-climactic. I was still the girl with frizzy hair, chola-eyebrows, and braces.

But I look back on it now and I think about what happens when we don't look in our 'spiritual mirror' for a while. I know this sounds corny, but stick with me here. (haha... I accidentally typed 'stink with me' instead of stick. That made me laugh. Ok sorry. Squirrel moment.) We often talk about the Bible being our mirror, showing us how dirty and filthy we are without Christ. James 1 talks about the dangers of looking in the 'mirror' and not changing our ways. And another type of mirror? Things that challenge us. Marriage. Coworkers. Difficult situations. Missions.

I am trying to not only keep up with The Very Worst Missionary but also going back through her older blogs. In an attempt to waste time this last hour of work (shhh... don't tell my boss. He will have to take a break from forwarding chain emails to reprimand me... hehe), I decided to go to her very first posts from about 3 years ago. Her first post was from the day they left the states to move to Costa Rica as missionaries... and I was a little surprised at what I found. Being used to reading posts by a brutally honest, smart-mouthed, jaded woman (and I mean that in the best way possible!), I was taken back to find a woman who was still upfront, but slightly timid, extremely grateful, and gentle in every way. Not that she isn't grateful now, but, well, she wrote like me. Not feeling completely free to say exactly what she wants to say the way she wants to say it. And when it comes down to it, I bore myself. Sure I write about things that convict me (like she did and still does) but I don't slap people in the face with it like she does. Had my first time reading her blog been like how it was in the beginning, I probably wouldn't have been hooked. I don't need another me.

But then I started thinking about the difference between her blogs then and now. I wondered, "Am I going to become like that? Is that what missions does to you? Do you turn from someone who is excited about the Lord and expectantly waiting on what He has planned to a person who is bitter about the way the world works, about Christians in churches, about the people you minister to?" It scared me a little bit. While it would make my blog more exciting, do I want to have this jaded perspective of God's people?

I was brought back to what a new friend told me the other night. She had spent 6 years with World Impact and was telling me what to expect, what to consider during this application time, and what she loved about it.

She told me, "If you want to know what a horrible and dirty person you are, join World Impact."

If I am completely honest with myself, I am a super bitter person. I get angry with politicians (both sides!) and people who cut me off on the road. I look with disgust upon church-goers who raise their hands to Jesus when I know the cruel words they speak about others. I get upset when my 4th-6th graders don't take the Bible seriously and I wonder if the church is going to go down the drain. I pridefully want to ask the girls on the street how they could let a man control them and why they aren't more grateful of the efforts *I* am making to reach them.

I am super bitter. I don't need to go into missions to become a bitter person. Neither did my 'Worst Missionary' friend. She was already there. I am already there. I need missions to show me my bitterness. I need it as my mirror, like my school filled with mirrors I can't avoid. I need it so that I can finally look it in the eye and decide what I want to do with it.

Hi. My name is Jen. And I am a bitter, wretched person.

And let's face it... so are you.

Whose Fault IS It?

2010-10-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

I have a million things I want to write about this week, but I will write about the most recent thing that I have been thinking about... :)

A couple nights ago we had a speaker from Voice of the Martyrs at our church. I have been familiar with the organization for quite some time so I was super excited to have him here. Despite leaving work later than intended, crazy traffic, and a 'fine-I-guess-I-won't-be-going-cause-I-hate-being-late' attitude, God in all His goodness got me to the church just seconds before the event started. I am so glad for it too!

This event, which maybe I will write more about later, inspired me to *finally* read the book "Tortured for Christ"... written by the founder of VOM, Richard Wurmbrand. I have had the book for forever but always end up distracted by another book instead.

This book is pretty much rocking my socks with every page, but here's something that keeps going through my head (It's long... but so good!) To introduce it, this chapter was devoted not only to the torture that Christians went through (and still do) in Communist countries, but also to what the families of the captives go through. Here's one store that broke my heart, but it brings me back to my girls, to my love for the inner city, and to my own dirty heart:

I will tell you just one case of suffering from a family that I know personally. A brother entered prison on account of his work in the Underground Church. He left behind a wife with six children. His older daughters of seventeen and nineteen could not get a job. The only one that gives jobs in a Communist country is the state, and it does not give jobs to children of "criminal" Christians. Please don't judge this story according to moral standards; just receive the facts. The two daughters of a Christian martyr - Christians themselves - became prostitutes to support their younger brothers and sick mother. Their younger brother of fourteen became insane when he saw it and had to be put in an asylum. When years later the imprisoned father returned, his only prayer was, "God, take me to prison again. I cannot bear to see this." His prayer was answered and he was jailed again for the crime of having witnessed for Christ to children. His daughters were no longer prostitutes, as they received jobs complying with the demands of the secret police - they became informers. As daughters of a Christian martyr, they are received with honor in every house. They listen and then they report everything they hear to the secret police. Don't just say that this is ugly and immoral - of course it is - but ask yourself if it is not also your sin that such tragedies occur, that such families are left alone, and are not helped by you who are free.

This is not at all a post to excuse behavior that is contrary to God's word, but to try to take a look at that log in our eyes before judging the specks in others...

*A family is left on their own without a provider and without a way of making money, what options do they have? What IF the Christians in the free countries HAD stepped up, done their part, and provided for this family, would these young girls have made the decision to sell their bodies and then to sell their Christian brothers and sisters to prison?

*A young boy is left alone without a close family. He has no one... until someone from a gang shows interest in him. This gang makes him feel accepted and loved. He has to commit some illegal acts, but over all, for the first time, he feels like he has a family. What IF Christians were in this boys life, showing him Christ's love and acceptance? Would this boy's life have turned out differently? Would he still have died at the age of twelve by getting shot?

*A poor family has very little money with even less chance of their children getting a proper education. Just one hop over the border to a more thriving country with a job of manual labor means dinner on the table and education for their children. They now have a chance not only of survival, but also of living a better life. What IF Christians provided a way for these children to learn and helped these family with their needs? What IF Christians, instead of so quickly holding their money with a tight fist, found ways to help these families be able to legally live in their country so they could have better lives and learn the Gospel? Would these families have to continually live as captives, always running from the law and never knowing the security in Jesus?

*A young girl, who has been abused by men all her life, has never known true love. A pimp offers her that true love... only it's not true. She finds herself also running from the law as she makes money for the only 'love' she has ever known by selling herself. What IF Christians showed her love, TRUE love, and offered her a way off the streets? What IF Christians, instead of sitting around discussing what a horrible thing that is, got out of their comfort zones, reached out to her, prayed for her, and offered her a life that she no longer thought was possible for her? How would things be different for her?

Instead of looking at some one's life and thinking about how awful that life is, we should instead be thinking about how this could be our fault, our SIN, that allowed this life for them to happen. This is not to take responsibility away from people as they make decisions, but to encourage us to TAKE responsibility for the solution, for offering the gift, that could change those decisions they are making. We are JUST as responsible!

‎"When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical." -Unknown

Ahem... so to answer the question I get asked often, THAT is why I want to move to the inner city.

2 New Faves

2010-09-27T16:13:00.000-07:00

I'm in the middle of composing a blog right now in response to one of the blogs I am about to mention... but it needs mad prayer and revision as it is coming across way too bitter and harsh. The harsh part I don't mind, in fact we all need that sometimes, but the bitter part? Yeah... need to work on that part. Coming soon!

(See what I did? Now all you faithful followers will be waiting on the edge of your seats for my next blog. "Jen harsh? and bitter??" and then you will be disappointed when it's not as Francis Chan Harsh or "insert bitter person's name here (don't act like you don't know someone... and of course we all know it's not you)" Bitter as you had hoped... but by then it will be too late... you will already have read it. I'm so sneaky...)

Anyway... here are two of my new favorite blogs!

To fit this criteria, you have to:

-Bring information to me that is new and fresh
-Have an element of shock value
-Challenge me in the way I think or the way I live (or is that the same thing? Hmmm)
-Have a really witty blog title
-And be female (apparently... since they are both female. But actually that's not true at all. And actually I don't usually have 'favorites'... so scratch this whole criteria thing anyway...)

My first new favorite is written by a 30 something year old missionary in Costa Rica. She lives there with her husband and 3(?) kids as they do God's work. Her element of shock value? She can be a bit... crass? (I don't know if that's the right word...) Ok so she cusses sometimes. and she is brutally honest about what it's like to be a missionary, wife, mother, female, sinner, etc... and I love her for it! She's definitely not one to restrain herself just to please the :::cough::: church crowd :::cough::: Let's face it... she says what we are all thinking, but wouldn't dare say!

Jamie the Very Worst Missionary is rocking my socks lately. And if you want to read a couple of her entries that almost made me cry... at work? BAM! and Moded!

The second 'favorite' new blog of mine is not one you would expect. It's written by a Used-to-be-Christian-now-Athiest-who-writes-about-her-issues-with-Christians... in a nutshell ;) And?? I LOVE this girl! There are things (of course) that I don't agree with, but there are so many things that she says that makes me want to change myself, yell at others, and go hug her and ask her to come back to Jesus because with what she has experienced and seen, she would make the best Christian ever and then when the rest of us are being near-sighted, unloving, judgmental, etc... she can slap us around a bit. It would be wonderful! Well... you know what I mean! It's her blog that I am writing a response to (which I do AGREE with!) but I won't let you know which entry it is yet... that will spoil the surprise!

Hope you enjoy some new fresh reading. I hope it stretches you like it's stretching me! :)

P.S. I've been grumpy today... for no reason. So if I seem extra weird today, it's because I am trying to pull myself out of it by being goofy. But I might be the only one who gets my weird humor. Oh well!

Outreach 9/24/10

2010-09-26T15:29:00.001-07:00

Thanks Cynthia for writing about this weekend's outreach! *copying and pasting*

I just got home and although it is late, I wanted to write down a few thoughts from tonight's outreach while they were still fresh in my mind. The night started out slow and we were driving down the track wondering where the girls were until we saw the first one of the evening. Julia and I went to meet her - her name is W**** and she was a sweet girl who was genuinely pleased to talk to us. She told us she'd been doing this "all her life" and that she was concerned about her health since she had high blood pressure and was a drug addict. She said she was tired of this lifestyle and was open to us praying for her later (she didn't seem comfortable with us praying in her presence). My heart broke for her and Julia and I prayed for her as we walked away. Meanwhile Jen and Daryl were talking with another girl across the street.

The next couple of girls we met were S**** and M**** both of which were open to talking to us as well. We had seen S**** before and she remembered us. She sounded surprised when I told her she could call the number on the matchbook we had given her if she was ready to leave the game - she acted as though she might actually call - I pray that she does. She also stated that every time she's in a funk, we show up...coincidence? I think not! M**** asked for prayer for deliverance and salvation and admitted she was addicted to drugs too.

We came across a few others - some who would simply take the gift bag but not really talk to us and some who refused all together. Later we saw K***** on the same corner we've seen her before - when Daryl suggested she call the number on the matchbook she simply stated she wasn't ready yet (said she had a bunch of the matchbooks already lol). All in God's timing...

Lastly we met with P**, another girl we had seen before. She's an older lady and remembers Julia from a while back. She claimed to know Jesus and stated he was the reason for her standing there. At first I thought she meant he was the reason she was standing on the corner but then realized she meant it literally - that he was the only reason she was still standing period! She let know that tomorrow was her birthday and let us pray for her on that corner tonight.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.” - Luke 4:18-19

Cartoons Taught Me Everything I Know

2010-09-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

When it comes down to it, I am more of a Simpsons girl than anything else, but from time to time, I have found myself enjoying 'King of the Hill.'

While there can be a lot of stupidity found in shows like these, every so often nuggets of gold show up when you don't expect it. And they are usually from the father, Hank, which you really don't expect even more.

The episode, 'Reborn to be Wild,' when Bobby joins up with a church where they all insist that you have to have a Mohawk and piercings to follow Christ, is one of those examples! (P.S. I'm not against Mohawks or anything else they mention in this episode... I LOVE that Christians come in all shapes, sizes, and colors! I just really appreciate the lessons taught through this...)

Bobby: I can't believe you are making me do this. It is so UNCOOL!
Hank: You know what's not cool? HELL!

(Uh oh! Does Mark Driscoll get his material from King of the Hill also?? hehe)

Bobby: (Referring to his planned tattoo) Dad, it's just my way of giving mad respect to the Lord.
Hank: Bobby, the Lord has been getting mad respect since the beginning of time, he does not want you defacing your body.

(Like I said, I'm not against tattoos... AT ALL! I just like the mad respect part lol)

My Favorite:

BOBBY: When I turn 18, I'm going to do whatever I want for the Lord. Tattoos, piercings, you name it.
HANK: Well, I'll take that chance. Come here, there's something I want you to see. (Hank takes down a box from the shelf and opens it up) Remember this?
BOBBY: My beanbag buddy? Oh, man, I can't believe I collected those things. They're so lame.
HANK: You didn't think so five years ago. And how about your virtual pet? You used to carry this thing everywhere. Then you got tired of it, forgot to feed it, and it died.
BOBBY: (looks at a photo of himself in a Ninja Turtles costume): I look like such a dork.
HANK: I know how you feel. I never thought that "Members Only" jacket would go out of style, but it did. I know you think stuff you're doing now is cool, but in a few years you're going to think it's lame. And I don't want the Lord to end up in this box.

Amen!

5 Hundred 25 Thousand 6 Hundred Minutes

2010-09-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

I really don't like chain email. I never pass them forward which is probably why I lose all my friends, I never fall in love, and my feet always smell. Or... that could be totally unrelated to my unforwarded emails... anyway...

This one I liked. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for your use.

However,this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules.

The first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
You may only spend it.
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for that day.

The second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say,
Its over,the game is over!
It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right?
Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right?

Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right?
You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?

Actually, this GAME is REALITY!

Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!

Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.

Yesterday is forever gone.

Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time....WITHOUT WARNING.

SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?

Aren't they worth so much more than the same amount in dollars?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Don't boast about tomorrow; You don't know what will happen." Proverbs 27:1

#42

2010-09-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

A WEEK (yes... only a week) after I decided to take my World Impact jump (and yes... I am still working on the application...), the unthinkable happened!

Ok wait... it wasn't THAT unthinkable. Hold on. Let's back track...

A few weeks BEFORE I decided to apply for World Impact, I had a little bit of car trouble. I had a clunking in my engine that worried me. My extremely honest and honorable mechanic told me it was because my struts needed to be replaced. While I didn't doubt that that was true, something in my doesn't-know-any-about-cars-whatsoever mind doubted that struts would cause noises in my engine. The little logic that I have as a women (there I said it!) still screamed that something didn't make sense...

Luckily I chose to hold off on such an expense because less than a week later, my headlights went out. It ended up being a short in the wiring. While I was there (a different mechanic in LA) the clunking noise stopped happening. My new friend had noticed a loose spark plug and tightened it for free! How nice! He also noticed I had a coolant leak but he wasn't too concerned and said to keep an eye on it and check up on it in a month or so. Month... sure...

FAST FORWARD to the week after my WI decision (and only a couple weeks after the 'minor leak' was noticed), my sister and I were driving home from Target when my car decided it didn't want to drive fast. "Oh no, not again," is what flashed through my mind (and if we knew exactly why I had thought that, we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we currently do...) I pulled over into a park and ride, turned off the car, and then, acting like I knew what I was looking at, I popped the hood. "Hmmm... engine is still there..." but then I noticed a TON of water pouring from the bottom of my car. Ummm... not good.

What it came down to? Replaced the radiator, replaced the thermostat, and fixed a leak in the manifold. That meant some fairly expensive parts and a LOT of labor... which meant a lot of money and a week with no car.

"Ok wait God... so I tell you that I am ready to take the next step, to trust you with my finances and to lay down my pride to let others help me, and THIS happens? Makes sense actually..."

The irony, or not, of the situation was, well, ironic enough that I couldn't even be upset. It seems that whenever I make new commitments or promises to God, He immediately works to test me to see if I will actually stick to it. (Someday I will tell you about my 'remove my idols' prayer to God which left me with 4 unusable bridesmaids dresses! It's funny now that I look back on it...)

Through it all, I learned to let others drive me around...

(best hitchhiking picture EVER!)

To let others help me with my finances (something all missionaries HAVE to do... but I don't like it!)...

To let God take care of me in ways that I am not used to...

To be thankful for what I do have, and not always focus on what I don't have...

To never forget my towel... (hehehe)

Oh and one other thing I learned...

Prostitute Outreach - 09/10/10

2010-09-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

Last night's outreach from Jen C's perspective. Thank you all for praying!

Love will always find the open door

"Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" John 4:29

Jesus tells us exactly who we are and we rejoice because of who He is...He is the one who is able to cover all our sins and we do not need to fear who we are when He comes to us, instead we rejoice and worship Him.

Tonight we went on outreach and there was a slight difference to what we were saying to the women and men we met..."we are here to reach out to men and women who are in the game" ...that one phrase let them know that we knew who they were, we didn't just happen to see them on street or think they were there for some other reason and we were going to offer them something real.

We met a lot of girls tonight, many didn't give us their names, some were very straightforward about wanting nothing to do with us, but many received our gifts, talked with us and prayed with us and there was a marked difference in their countenance when they realized why we were there. I'll tell you about just a few of them...

K***** we drove around and around to finally catch up to this girl, we would see her, turn around and she would all of a sudden be on the other side of the street, once she disappeared completely with a trick and then she was there again. At first she seemed like she was just going to walk quickly by us but when I offered her a gift she stopped cold and her face changed completely, I could see the heartbreak in her face, she immediately asked me my name which may not seem like a big deal but it was a wall coming down...not just us trying to connect with her but her connecting with us. She wanted us to pray for her but not there, so we prayed as she left.

Next we saw S**** and she was sweet but probably new to the game and was quickly joined by her friend who was not happy that she was talking to us, however; when her friend approached us and found out who we were she became very attentive and as a third girl approached she said, "so we can call you if we want to get out of this life?" yes!!! We gave them all gifts and our phone number.

S***** and C***** were together and were obviously being watched by a guy who stood nearby, so Daryl went to talk to the guy and give him a pimp track while Jen and I approached the girls. The one girl thought we were cops and pretended to be looking for the bus but when she saw us engage the other girl she came back and they both opened up to us, they wanted out and C***** especially was brokenhearted because her son had just been taken away by CPS, she began to cry and both were eager to receive prayer right then and there.

G***, when we told her we were there for men and women in the game she said, "that's me"...I really don't know if I've seen so many honest reactions in one night but it really seemed that our honesty and willingness to seek them out gave them the freedom to be honest with us.

I am so thankful that Jesus loves us based on who He is, not who we are and I am privileged to share that love with others. Praise Him for an awesome night!

Tolerance - D.A. Carson

2010-09-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

“Twenty five years ago ‘tolerance’ was understood to be a virtue that operated something like this: If I hold strong views on any particular subject I am nevertheless judged to be ‘tolerant’ if I think that your views are bad, immoral, improper, even disgusting, wicked or stupid, but still insist you have the right to defend them. In other words, a ‘tolerant’ person puts up with somebody else’s views and insists they have the right to hold them even while – in the vigorous arena of debate – we might disagree fundamentally on who is right or who is wrong. Such a person is a ‘tolerant’ person.

But nowadays, that is not what ‘tolerance’ means. Now ‘tolerance’ means that you don’t hold that anybody is right or wrong. Everybody is equally right or wrong. Nobody is more right than another person. If you don’t hold that then you are ‘intolerant.’ Now that is a huge shift … Under this new definition of ‘tolerance’ I don’t even know what ‘tolerance’ means because in the old view of ‘tolerance’ you had to disagree with someone before you could actually tolerate them. How do you say ‘Oh, yes, you are entirely right – I tolerate you?’ … This new ‘tolerance’ actually becomes extremely intolerant of anybody who does not buy into this view of ‘tolerance’ because if you actually come right out and say that some view is wrong or silly or foolish or indefensible or even questionable, then you are judged to be ‘intolerant.’ Thus, in the name of this newfangled tolerance it turns out, at profoundly deep levels, to be the most intolerant thing of all!”

- D.A. Carson, Evangelism in the 21st Century (session 2)
http://spurgeon.wordpress.com/category/da-carson/

P.S. I like it when I can steal someone else's words to say what I think. The end. ;)

Too Many Excuses. Too Little Time.

2010-08-27T00:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I stayed up into the wee hours of the night working on my application for World Impact. And in all that time, I got half way through page 4... of 30... and this was just the easy stuff (but to be fair, I didn't start til almost midnight). Next to come are all the essay type answers I have to write. It's going to be quite a process, but I can already tell that God is going to stretch me as I complete this application. Having to face my past and write it out on paper, having to describe in my own words who Jesus is, what the cross is, what the church is(to name a few) to me, having to not only describe my ministry goals but also why (that's harder to answer than you think), plus MANY other things... it's going to be a growing process. And that's just the application to be considered!

Through all this though, I have been thinking about the last two years since I made the decision to *someday* be in the mission field... thinking about what has occurred, what God has lead me through, how I have tried to run from it in various ways, and some of the reasons why I ran. Here's what I came up with...

Reasons people who are called to be missionaries don't become missionaries:

1. Am I really "Called?"

I don't know how to describe it, but when you're called, you're called and you know it. But there are times when because of fear, we wonder if we really are. Perhaps things aren't working out the way we think it should so we doubt God's sovereignty through trials and His leading throughout the way. But when we finally sit down, search God's word, and pray, we know. I don't know how to describe it except... Divine

(Any reference made to anyone who is called is not to put them on a pedestal. And any reference made to anyone who does not feel called to missions is not to put them lower than those who are. God has a different purpose for all of us and if we were all called to full time missionary work, who would be in workforce supporting the missionaries? Not to mention their ministry to coworkers and to those around them. That is their calling and it's just as divine an appointment as uprooting and doing full time missionary work. What a good God we serve who allows us to serve Him using our gifts and desires!)

2. Fear

There are plenty of different fears we encounter when God is calling us to something. We fear it's not actually God's will, we fear what others will think, whether it be people thinking we are crazy for doing it or people thinking we are failures if it doesn't turn out as we hoped, we fear we will be wasting our time or God's time... yeah... lots of fears...

3. Money

One of the main things that has been holding me back from applying sooner for World Impact is the fact that I have student loans to pay off. The actual raising support doesn't bother or worry me... if it's God's will, He will provide the funds. But the thought of having my supporters pay for my debt for a degree I didn't finish? It feels funny.

But then last week I was talking to one of our pastors. I mentioned the reason for my hesitancy regarding my loans and having others help pay them off. Given that he is paid through the church, he then said, "Well who do you think pays my debt?" Hmmm... good point. Perhaps I need to just not let my pride get in the way of letting people help me? Perhaps...

4. Unequally Yoked

In the last couple years, I have found myself in relationships with guys who either are not called to full time missionary work or just really don't have a reverence for God's work in general. Without getting too far into the discussion of being unequally yoked in marriage to a non Christian, I will say that I believe it's even possible for two Christians to be unequally yoked. I never felt right being with someone who didn't want to go into missionary work, specifically inner city missionary work. While I was open to where God might be leading if that meant to follow a husband elsewhere, I knew deep down that I still belonged in the inner city. To be married to someone who is not in missions would be heart breaking...

However, I still found myself in such relationships and it made me doubt God's calling on my life. The desire for intimacy and to be married became more of a priority for me than what God was telling me and I was quickly ready to decide that I wasn't called to missions for the sake of not 'being alone.'

5. Desire for Marriage

On the same token of being unequally yoked, I know of a handful of people (specifically girls) who fear that if they go into the mission field, they may never meet anyone. "Perhaps God wants me to not go so I can stay here and be a wife and mother," they say (and I have thought myself). This is definitely valid and it is possible, but I think one thing we are forgetting is that if God tells us to go, we need to go!

One thing that finally got this idea out of my head was when I was talking to the pastor I mentioned. He told me about a conversation he had with his daughter who also wants to do missions. She said she feared she would marry someone who didn't want to do missions and he told her straight out that she would be miserable if that were to happen. Then he said this, "But where would be the best place to meet someone who wants to do missions?" The Mission Field! Duh Jen! It's so simple but I have never thought of it that way before! Don't go because I might miss out on meeting someone here? That's absurd! God's will (my singleness or someday marrying) is not based on if I stay in Lancaster or if I go elsewhere... it is based on if I stay in His will, wherever that is! That's it!

Oh and just to be clear, I am not saying that someone should go on the mission field with the purpose of meeting someone. Not at all! I am just saying that wanting to meet someone shouldn't be a reason to not go. You trackin' with me? ;)

6. Education (or lack of)

I never finished my Bachelor's degree. What if I can't be used unless I have it?

"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' Then I said, 'Here am I! Send me.'"

- Isaiah 6:8

It doesn't say, "Who has a degree and is equipped with amazing amounts of knowledge and experience?" God just asked, 'Who will go? Who is willing?' Whew. Thank you Lord. Send me!

7. Prior obligations

I have a job. I book keep for After Hours. I reach out to the girls and guys on Friday nights. I have various ministries I take part in at church.

A lot would have to be done to make sure these responsibilities are taken care of by the time it is time that I leave them. It will be a God thing to have them all taken care of perfectly so that I could leave with peace and not with the feeling that I am abandoning them.

8. Family

I have:

parents who I can talk to about virtually anything (James 5:16 will do that to you... most humbling thing ever, but then after that, what do you have to hide?)

siblings who are close and we work on keeping it that way

a sister-in-law who is like my own sister

a niece and a nephew who are beautiful beyond words and I love watching them grow up

...and many other people who I can't imagine not having close by.

Am I willing to miss some special moments with my special people for the sake of the gospel being known by people who are strangers to me right now?

There are so many things to consider and so many reasons that we use to excuse ourselves from doing God's work. I don't want these excuses to be mine anymore!

Lord give me strength. I don't pray that any of these obstacles will be removed, but that You will be most glorified as you give me the strength to stand strong in the face of the obstacles. Thank you for your calling to do your work!

You want me to go where?

2010-08-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever used a pit toilet before? Something like this?

(You thought when my subject line said 'go,' that it was going to be about God leading me somewhere type of thing huh? Silly...)

Ok ok so this isn't about pit toilets. They are gross anyway.

Remember about two years ago when I was praying about applying with World Impact? I put a hold on the process to move home, get some things (specifically financially) taken care of, and to see where God was leading. Well, I finally decided to take the crazy step of applying! I still have to tackle about 30 pages worth of questions, but I am excited that I am actually going to do it!

So where does God want me to go? Inner city here I come ;)

P.S. Just so the whole pit toilets thing doesn't seem completely out of nowhere, I went camping this weekend so I became very much acquainted with them. Eww!

Day 31 - James

2010-08-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

Oops! Looks like I haven't blogged about James in a while... and today is the last day!

Reading through the same book every day was a really neat experience. I don't think I have ever done that before and spent so much time in one place. I think the most I did was I read Hebrews every day for a week. It's so crazy how it can still be so fresh everyday and there are always new things to learn from it!

While reflecting over the last month, my friend Jackie, the one who encouraged all of us to read James every day, wrote this:

"I just finished Bill Hybels' book "The Power of a Whisper" and in it he writes about hearing the voice of God. He writes at one point about the times when we start to feel spiritually dry. He said that it is in those times that he "gets stuck" in scripture. He said that there have been times he would stay in Proverbs... or Acts 2 or another book for weeks--just waiting for God to speak to him. He said that one time for his personal daily devotionals he stayed in Romans 12 for A YEAR. Wow. I was so encouraged when I read that, I think I fell asleep with a smile on my face."

Wow! I guess I know what book I will be reading next!

And as far as scripture goes, I am wavering between Romans and Daniel to read every day this month. Maybe I will do both. Stay tuned... ;)

Friday the 13th - Outreach

2010-08-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

I've been really bad at blogging about outreach lately. People ask me how it goes and then I direct them to the blog that 'I will be writing soon' but I never do. Oops!

To start, here's how my Friday went (this may end up being long winded - forgive me - but who reads these anyway? Hi mom and Courtney. You better comment! haha):

I met my dear friend Kathy for breakfast at 6am yesterday. When I first got there, I was the only person there along with the waiter who had worked all night. You could tell he was tired and had a boring night. We talked about his evening, about the idea of being paid to do nothing and it being overrated, and about having to sleep during the day after a night shift like that. Soon after, Kathy got there. We were pretty much the only people there for quite a while and our poor waiter seemed to enjoy listening in to our conversation as his only form of entertainment at the time.

After breakfast, I headed out to work and decided to listen to a Mark Cahill sermon that I had listened to a couple years ago but for whatever reason I decided to listen to it again. It was about witnessing and about using EVERY opportunity to share Christ's love with people and His gospel because you never know how God could use one short conversation. I thought about our waiter. I had a good 5-10 minutes with him before Kathy got there (I was running early for once lol). Why didn't I get deeper with him?? Convicted, I wrote Kathy an email as soon as I got to work telling her that I want to start praying about how God could use our early morning breakfasts to reach people. I have let so many God-given opportunities slip through my fingers. I don't want it to happen again...

Reflecting on our waiter and on the sermon through out the day is what prepared me for outreach that night. I kept thinking about what we do out there and the importance and urgency of making sure these girls (and guys) know exactly what God wants them to know. And turns out, in all God's sovereign graciousness, my heart wasn't the only one God had been working in about it. When I met up with the After Hours team last night, one of the first things Daryl said was, "We need to start bringing this to the next level." And he was right. We have gained the trust (somewhat) of these girls and they are familiar with us because of the gift bags. Now it was time to start bringing more meat to the streets.

In all, we talked to about 10 girls. Most of them knew who we were and were more than comfortable enough with letting us give them a gift bag. It was when we started to get a little more personal that they started to get a little uncomfortable. Trying to figure out how to 'bring it to the next level,' I followed Jen's and Daryl's lead as they began to ask the girls more questions about their time on the streets, if they have a pimp, and what they would rather do if they weren't out there. I had never thought of what a personal question that must be to them, to have to remember back to their childhood (but most of the girls are still children anyway!) to the dreams they used to have.

When life has become such a mess, those dreams get pushed as far out of your head as possible so as not to hope for things that seem untouchable. It made me sad to think of these girls who at one point did have dreams, possibly to be doctors, lawyers, astronauts... and now they find themselves, working for a 'boyfriend' who doesn't really love them and doing things they never thought they would do. Holding on to those dreams would only be torture.

I now sit here in my comfortable bedroom, reflecting on the night and on the dreams I had growing up. Sure, living in a beach house with my best friend as we do investigative journalism together never happened (wow the things kids come up with), but I can look back on those 'dreams' with fondness. And I can look forward to the future that I have when I see Christ in all His glory. And focusing on Him daily is what makes every day a day for Him and his purposes. It's even better than any dream I could have come up with! I want these girls to have that too.

Are You Qualified?

2010-08-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

I finished reading Big God and I loved every bit of it. Here's how he ends it...

"Rahab was a prostitute, Noah was a drunk, Abraham was way too old, Isaac was a daydreamer, Jacob was a liar, Leah was ugly, Joseph was abused, Moses couldn't speak well, Gideon was afraid, Samson had long hair and was a womanizer, Jeremiah and Timothy were too young, David had an affair and was a murderer, Elijah was suicidal, Isaiah preached naked, Jonah ran from God, Naomi was a widow, Job went bankrupt, John the Baptist ate bugs, Peter denied Jesus, the disciples fell asleep while praying, Martha worried about everything, Mary Magdalene was demon possessed, the Samaritan woman was divorced many times, Zachaeus was too small, Paul was too religious, Timothy had an ulcer, and Lazarus was dead!"

Think your past makes you disqualified to be used by God? Think again ;)

This made me laugh...

2010-08-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

and... that's all...

Mornings are Lovely!

2010-08-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

When I was living in Simi, a group of us would get together on Wednesday mornings at 6AM to pray. It was so great! It was tough to get up that early but being able to start off the day praying with my brothers and sisters (followed by a yummy french toast breakfast at our favorite place!) was the best! On days that I didn't meet them for prayer, I still found myself getting up extra early to pray, read, and even sometimes made it to the gym for a boot camp class. I would go to bed early (or earlier than usual) but it was worth being able to spend the early hours of the day preparing for the day to come.

Now? Now I stay up way too late, half the time is wasted, the other half is being spent with Jesus (but he gets a very tired Jen at that point), and I barely wake up in time to get to work on time... sometimes on time... :/ and looking like this...

Until this morning! Woot! Last night I was tired by 10 so I went to bed and woke up EARLY today. It was so great! I got to do a lot more reading done than I usually do in the late hours of the night and I got to work feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day! No wonder Jesus would pray in the morning too... it really does make a difference ;)

It's a small victory for me. But a victory nonetheless!

"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." - Psalm 90:14

Sometimes Kids Smell

2010-08-01T22:28:00.001-07:00

"The effect [James 1:27] has on me is to make me want to love like Jesus loved and not always be thinking of the earthly payoff. Face it. A few kids are cute, but most streets kids will be thankless, rude, dirty, diseased, scar-faced, shifty-eyed, lice-infested, suspicious, smelly, and have rotten teeth. If we minister mainly for the earthly payoff, we will burn out in a year.

Jesus did not say, "True religion is converting orphans." He did not say, "True religion is making orphans mature and successful adults." He said, "True religion is visiting orphans." Results are God's business alone. Obedience is ours by his grace. More specifically, by faith in future grace. Perhaps when we grasp this, we will be freed from our earthbound way of thinking and released to minister to the ones who are least likely to thank us." - John Piper, A Godward Life

I used this exact quote once before, but it came to my mind again...

First, because I am reading through James every day for this month and every time I get to 1:27, it hits me. Hard.

Secondly, because my world was slightly rocked last night and this quote from this book immediately popped into my head and I had to continually repeat it to myself as encouragement.

It was at my 4th-6th grade class at church. No they aren't orphans (well... most aren't) and no they aren't "thankless, rude, dirty, diseased, scar-faced, shifty-eyed, lice-infested, suspicious, smelly, and have rotten teeth"... at least not all the time ;) (I kid I kid!)

What made it come to me was that it was a rough night with them (It was one of the first times too that it was rough which is pretty good after almost 6 months of being in that class... right? Either way...) A big part of it could have been my attitude and that I was pretty tired from the day. But also, it had to do with the fact that they kept talking when they shouldn't, complaining when they were hungry, fighting over communion cups, complaining when they were thirsty, cutting each other off, complaining when they had to use the restroom, tattle-telling, etc, etc, etc. Oh! and did I mention they complained a lot?? I understand they are kids and I need to be gracious, but last night, I just wanted to RUN! What followed was the conscious reminder that I had just recommitted to another 6 months of children's ministry... all I could think was, "what HAVE I done??"

But then I thought of what Piper said. "If we minister mainly for the earthly payoff, we will burn out in a year... Results are God's business alone. Obedience is ours by his grace."

I had to keep in mind that I can't be ministering to these kids because I think they are cute and fun and smart and whatever else because there will be times when they are NOT cute and fun and smart. There will be times when I just want to throw them (perhaps even literally) back to their parents, wipe my hands, and walk away. But if I am ministering out of obedience and because this is where God has me, then the motivation is different. I will take the complaining, fighting, and disrespectful attitudes with a better attitude because I won't be doing it to make myself feel good. I will be doing it because God loves it when we love His little ones.

Funny thing about all of it (maybe not "funny haha" though) is that I have been convinced my whole life that I DO NOT have the gift of teaching. I almost majored in math in college but opted out of that because I thought that meant I would have to teach math. So I chose accounting (did I make the right decision?? Hmmm...) I have built my life around (or so I thought) avoiding the role of teacher.

And yet, here I am. God asked me to teach. I warned him too... "Lord you know that's not my gift. But fine fine! I will do it! Sheesh!" (Yes... my attitude really does stink that bad sometimes.)

The most AMAZING part about that though is that while I still don't think it's my 'gift' and that I am still not very good at it, when we are obedient and do what God asks, God imparts the skills to us WHEN we need it. The fact that I can even hold the attention of 15 kids for more than 5 minutes is a miracle to me! And ALL the Glory goes to Him for it! Crazy how the very thing I never thought I could do God has equipped me when I finally took that step of faith and let Him use me!

So lesson of the weekend? Be obedient. Love the kids no matter how scary that is. And? Stop questioning!

"God doesn’t promise us understanding. He promises us peace beyond understanding. Trust more, question less." – Britt Merrick

When My Heart is Faint...

2010-07-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

"Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy." - Psalm 61:1-3

I feel like I have been surrounded by a lot of pain and death lately.

A couple weeks ago, I had two coworkers lose their mom, one coworker lost her brother (the second brother of hers to die in the last few months), and then another coworker was in the hospital with a blood clot in his lungs. This all happened within days of each other. That same week I had received an email from my good friend in New Mexico to pray for a friend of hers with cancer and for a newborn who had little chances of living long.

In the midst of all that, I had learned of the bombings in Uganda. My friend Lena is in Uganda and turns out the little restaurant that was bombed was one of her favorite places to go to. If it weren't for a head cold, she would have been there that night. I have never been so thankful for head colds!

And then of course there is Daisy. A sweet little 6 year old who had been struggling with cancer this last year. As of a few months ago she was cancer free, but just within the last couple weeks, it came back full force. She is now going through chemotherapy and is down to 36 pounds. She can hardly keep food down anymore.

Additionally, as of last night, there have been three fires in our area. One even less than ten miles from my house. People are losing their homes.

This isn't to be depressing or to be morbid. This is just life. Sometimes everything is beautiful and there couldn't be one complaint. Other times, like now, it seems like everything is crashing down around us and there is nothing we can do about it.

Or is there?

Daisy's father, Britt Merrick who is a pastor in Carpenteria, wrote a book called "Big God." Neglecting all my other book commitments, I decided last night I needed to read it. A father who watches his daughter suffer and all the while writes a book about how big and amazing our God is? That's worth my attention.

Here's what he says:

"When crisis hits, where do your heart and mind turn to? What do you do as a Christian when the doctor tells you that your five-year-old daughter has cancer? How do you deal with that? If you're a Christian, your mind goes to Jesus. That's just where you go."

We run to Jesus. We run to His Word. We run to His Word because we already have it hidden in our hearts...

"Precepts and passages came quickly. And we didn't even have to open a Bible. We didn't need someone to come along and quote Scripture to us. It was just there, because we had done one simple thing in life: we had committed to reading our Bibles...

"Have it in your heart and have it in your head. Let the Word of Christ dwell richly in you. Because when someone looks you in the eyes and says your five-year-old has [cancer]... you better know some Bible."

Thank you Jesus for your word! "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105)

I thank you that when my heart is faint, "you keep count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle." (Psalm 56:8)

I thank you that "as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are YOUR ways higher than my ways and YOUR thoughts than my thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9)

and I thank you that we can "count it all joy when we meet trials of various of kinds, for testing of our faith produces steadfastness... that we may be lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4) I lack in nothing with you Lord!

Day 10 - James

2010-07-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

Day Ten of reading the book of James Completed: At work (shhh...)

Thoughts:

"James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion: Greetings." - James 1-1

A servant of God.

Could I honestly say that about myself the way he can about himself?

Contemplating...

Goal for tomorrow's James reading: Not sure. I think I will reread tonight actually.

Day 3 - James

2010-07-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... Usually I only blog a few times a month. This whole reading James everyday thing is going to make me an active blogger... weird!

Day Three of reading the book of James Completed: During my lunch break

Thoughts: Third day of reading... I think I am ready to zero in on some things that stood out to me today.

(Anyone reading this - the two of you, mom and Courtney lol - can just look up the scriptures referenced. It would take up too much room to include it all.)

2:1-7

I might be taking this section in a direction that I shouldn't, but while reading it, I was thinking about how I usually have the opposite problem. While I love being welcoming to people less-fortunate, I am less likely to be welcoming to someone who has a lot of money. I think to myself that someone who has a lot of earthly possessions sees no need for God, so what's the point? And that's so wrong of me!

Also, sometimes I am judgmental towards Christians who have especially nice things. I wonder how much those things cost them and think of how many kids around the world could be fed with that much money. But let's face it... I don't buy myself a lot of nice things but am I feeding tons of kids everywhere? Nope. My only two kids in Africa hardly even get letters from me... sigh. But either way, it's not up to me to decide what others should do with their money. Stop judging Jen.

3:1-12

Yesterday my reading in "Respectable Sins" was on 'The sins of the tongue.' Along with this passage, I was hit hard by how often I let myself fall into gossiping, especially at work. Also, I was thinking about how easily I say things without thinking of how they can hurt people. Whether it is with good intentions or not, I shouldn't have said it. A few months ago, I was talking about a friend who has quite a testimony and I said something about one of the sins that was true, but I worded it completely wrong. Months later, I came to find out that one of the people who was present for that conversation used to struggle with that same sin. NO! I felt like such a jerk. There's again my judgmental attitude coming out. Yikes!

3:14-18

The chapter before the sins of the tongue was a chapter on jealousy and other similar sins. This brought it all home.

4:2-3

So often we will take one part of a verse like, "You do not have, because you do not ask..." and decide that we just have to ask God for stuff and He will give us everything. But then we continue reading where it says, "You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." ...Oh... that makes more sense. Ouch...

5:14

Anointing of oil... why don't we do that anymore? Or if people do, they are considered some sort of charis-maniac or something. That seems wrong to me. Hmmm... (Oh! I just realized I have never written about my friend Bobby and his gallons of baby oil to anoint... EVERYTHING! LOL My heart feels happy just thinking about him. For a later blog... hehe)

Goal for tomorrow's James reading: mmmm not sure. I liked this during my lunch break. Same plan for tomorrow. :)

Day 2 - James

2010-07-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

Day Two of reading the book of James Completed: before bed time :)

Thoughts: I feel like I just read a completely different book! It just goes to show how easily I get distracted and can 'read' something without actually knowing what I just read. Also, yesterday all the 'popular' passages stood out to me. Today it was like all the 'non-popular-non-quoted-in-awana' passages stood out now that the popular ones were... ummm... out of the way? Anyway, I was amazed at what I read!

Goal for tomorrow's James reading: Read during lunch maybe... I am getting tiiirredddd...

P.S. Speaking of lunch, yesterday as I was waiting for my chicken sandwich at a new local hot spot called 'Juicy Burger,' I saw a guy walk by with a 'slice' of pizza the size of his head. No joke. And? He was one-handedly attempting to eat it as he walked down the sidewalk. It was quite a sight to watch! Ha!

...

...

Ok ok so you had to be there. :P
(this is why I need to go to bed earlier...)

Day 1 - James

2010-07-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

On top of my new commitment to my book club, as well as reading Jonathan Edwards (which I don't want to give up), reading "Respectable Sins" (which I really shouldn't give up on until I am done), crocheting scarves for the girls (for when it gets cold, of course hehe), I have made yet another commitment. Oh yeah and don't forget I have to catch up on my bookkeeping for After Hours. But anyway, this is my new commitment...

For the next month, through August 18, I have committed to read the entire book of James every day. Why? Because it's God's Word! Pfff... such a silly question... oh and because *everyone else* is doing it. :P

So there it is.

Day one of reading the book of James Completed: during my lunch break.

Initial Thoughts: It is difficult to read through the whole thing and not want to stop and camp out on one thought, but I like the idea of reading the entire thing so as to understand what the goal of the entire letter is. Not to mention, my guess is I may have the book close to memorized by the end of the month. I like that!

Goal for tomorrow's James reading: Give myself more time to read it and do some research on James himself.

Fighting Despair

2010-07-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

I had one of those moments yesterday when you know you're supposed to say something, not sure exactly how to say it, but you know you have to... and you don't. Instead, you politely nod your head, smile and change the subject. That's what I did.

WHY?

I was so disappointed in myself. I walked away from the situation with a big lump in my throat wanting to cry. I felt like through my silence I had not only missed a wonderful opportunity to share Christ's love in a new way, but through it, I had actually denied him. I couldn't shake it either. I was 'in the depths of despair' in every sense of the word.

BUT God knew I would be reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers (my book for the book club I just joined) and that yesterday's reading would include February 18. Less than an hour after my 'lack of faith' moment, I read this:

"The sense of the irreparable is apt to make us despair, and we say - "It is all up now, it is no use trying any more." If we imagine that this kind of despair is exceptional, we are mistaken, it is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize that we have not done that which we had a magnificent opportunity of doing, then we are apt to sink into despair...There are experiences like this in each of our lives. We are in despair, the despair that comes from actualities, and we cannot lift ourselves out of it."

I'll admit... when I experience something and then a book describes to me EXACTLY what just happened, it freaks me out a little bit. It really does. That is, until I remind myself that God is sovereign over all things, including the book which will come my way and I will end up deciding to read for the month. Then? Then I am comforted beyond belief. God knew I needed to be reminded that He sees our despair and that it will be a normal part of living life as a person who let's God down. And yet, while we are falling in the middle of it:

"Jesus Christ comes and says - 'Sleep on now, that opportunity is lost for ever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the next thing.' [Matthew 26:46] Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ, and go out into the irresistible future with Him."

A reminder I needed. So while I still look upon that moment and cringe and am tempted to kick myself over it, I have to remember to look forward and keeping going.

Arise and do the next thing... Never let the sense of failure corrupt your new action.

Reading, Reading, Reading!

2010-07-08T16:55:00.000-07:00

I go through these spurts. At times I can hardly find the time to read. Other times, I can't get enough of books! This is one of those times that I can't get enough. I feel like 'Number 5' in the movie Short Circuit:

"Need more Input! Need more Input!"

In the process, I have a new appreciation for dead guys. Not in a creepy sense, but in that I love the old writers... the way they talk, the type of insight they provide, and for those that walked with Jesus, the fact that they have now finished the race and are up in Heaven eternally praising our Lord... Love that!

Of the 'dead guys,' I can't seem to get enough of Jonathan Edwards. He rocks! At first the way he wrote really intimidated me, but the more I get used to him, the more I love his writing style! I also love the way God is showing me more of His glory through Edwards' writing. It's been such a neat adventure!

Speaking of dead guys... I have never been huge on Mark Twain (no specific reason) but today I gained a new appreciation for him because of a 'simple' quote:

"I haven't any right to criticise books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticise Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone."

- Mark Twain, Letter to Joseph Twichell, 13 September 1898

Now don't get me wrong... I LOVE Jane Austen. But this tickled me regardless. I think he will be next on my list of 'dead guys' to get to know ;)

Being an Edwards Girl

2010-07-05T02:35:00.000-07:00

We often study Proverbs 31 as the example of what a woman of God looks like. In the same way, Jonathan Edwards, as he explains his romantic love for his to-be wife, gives a beautiful picture of what a woman consumed with love for Jesus looks like.

If someone wrote this about me? I'd say I had finally become the woman God intended me to be. What an example!

“They say there is a young lady in New Haven who is beloved of that almighty Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him — that she expects after a while to be received up where he is, to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always. There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love and delight forever. Therefore, if you present all the world before her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it and cares not for it, and is unmindful of any pain or affliction. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her actions; and you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after those seasons in which this great God has manifested himself to her mind. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly; and seems to be always of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone, and to wander in the fields and on the mountains, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her.”

-Works of Jonathan Edwards

Motivation Check

2010-07-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we are going on Outreach again (as long as Daryl feels well enough... poor guy has been sick lately!) and I am super excited about it! We didn't go last week because most of us were out of town. As much as I enjoyed being at Resolved and getting a time of relaxation, I really missed being out there!

Additionally, we have been seeing the same girls the last few weeks so I am excited to see if we will see them again tomorrow. That's half the battle with this ministry. Sometimes we see a girl we have seen before but there will be a few weeks to a few months in between each sighting so it's really hard to develop relationships with them. All we can do is pray that the one brief visit will plant a seed. BUT when we see them every week, it opens doors to develop trust with them! I'm excited to see what God does tomorrow night!

Funny, I wasn't going to go this route with the blog today, but something I read in a Piper book just came to mind. It's kind of applicable to this... kind of not... but I will make it work ;)

John Piper wrote in A Godward Life:

"The effect it has on me is to make me want to love like Jesus loved and not always be thinking of the earthly payoff. Face it. A few kids are cute, but most streets kids will be thankless, rude, dirty, diseased, scar-faced, shifty-eyed, lice-infested, suspicious, smelly, and have rotten teeth. If we minister mainly for the earthly payoff, we will burn out in a year.

Jesus did not say, "True religion is converting orphans." He did not say, "True religion is making orphans mature and successful adults." He said, "True religion is visiting orphans." Results are God's business alone. Obedience is ours by his grace. More specifically, by faith in future grace. Perhaps when we grasp this, we will be freed from our earthbound way of thinking and released to minister to the ones who are least likely to thank us."

Perhaps God brought this to my mind just now because as excited as I am to see some of the same girls, should we end up seeing all new faces and not one girl we know, I will be tempted to let myself get discouraged because it didn't go the way I had hoped. But as this quote says, "Obedience is ours by his grace." Whether or not we get the 'results' I think we should get, I need to be obedient and do the work He has called me to do, cheerfully, thankfully, and fervently.

I need to keep this in mind. It is only with this attitude that I can be "released to minister to the ones who are least likely to thank us."

Sorry for the weird shift in this blog. I guess even in my excitement, I sometimes need to be stopped in my tracks and reminded why I am doing this in the first place. Not for my own personal enjoyment or satisfaction... but for Jesus, for His Gospel, and for my obedience to Him.

Running

2010-06-29T16:33:00.000-07:00

Late last night, I returned home from 4 days in Palm Springs for the Resolved Conference. 4 days of spirit-filled messages and amazing fellowship with my brothers and sisters all in the middle of sinfully hot weather. It was great!

On this extra day I took off from work, I have been reflecting a lot about what we learned about this weekend. I realize it might take me about 10 more blogs to go over all of it, but one thing that has really been amazing to me is how I have changed since last year's Resolved.

On Friday night, Rick Holland taught about the "Distance of Divine Transcendence" and the "Nearness of Divine Imminence." In other words, God is too far to get to and too close to run away from. It's this tension we live with but then Jesus comes and closes up the gap.

I have been thinking about how last year when I went to Resolved, I may have not realized it - or maybe I didn't want to admit it - but I was trying to run away from God. I had so many things getting in the way of having a close relationship with God, and, in some ways, I didn't care. And then I knowingly went to a conference with the theme of sin, but hoping I could continue my life with the purposeful sin in it. Such a silly girl I am...

But then this year, after a year of God moving in my life, catching me dead in my tracks in my race from Him, turning me around, and putting me in the right direction, I now find myself on the side of running after Him. It's a strange but wonderful place to be. In some ways it's almost scarier than running from God because I now have to face all the dirt in my life; look it straight in the eye. But it is so comforting to have a saviour who allows me to come to Him and who washes that dirt off.

Last year I left Resolved feeling broken, dirty, and crying out to Jesus for Him to take over my life. It was right where He wanted me.

This year, I left Resolved feeling refreshed, clean, acceptable, and rejoicing because I have a Saviour who has made me, the dirty broken sinner I am, one who is now clean and acceptable before God. He is so good!

Hallelujah! All I Have Is Christ!
Hallelujah! Jesus Is My Life!

Rubbing Milkshake into the Wound

2010-06-17T16:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a rough night. I left work early to make it to church in time for a class I have been wanting to take. I gave myself more than ample time to leave work, make one errand, go home for dinner, and go to the class. The plan... MY plan... was fool proof.

As time moved, and traffic didn't, I realized I wasn't going to make it. I was SO frustrated! So much so that I freaked out. I had a nice cry in my car on the frozen 5 and then (brace yourselves) I got off the freeway to get a large chocolate shake and western cheeseburger with extra BBQ sauce from Carl's Jr. Yes... I was THAT upset! I didn't care. I was justified to have a 'freak out' moment. I was frustrated!

Frustrated that nothing was going my way.
Frustrated that traffic did not obey my rules so I could keep my plans.
Frustrated that I had already missed the last two weeks of the class I was trying to make it to.
Frustrated that I was single. (and why not? Might as well be upset at everything that I felt was wrong in this world, right?)

And?? I was frustrated that I was frustrated!

I got home and threw the equivalent of a 3 year old tantrum in my head. I complained about my life not being the way I wanted it to be to God, dragged my feet around the house, and nursed my upset tummy from the milkshake and greasy food I ate. Sulk sulk sulk...

Then, of all books, I picked up my current read: "Respectable Sins" by Jerry Bridges. Ironically (or not), it was the chapter on Anxiety and Frustration. Here's what he said:

"Frustration usually involves being upset or even angry at whatever or whoever is blocking our plans. ...This type of reaction has its roots in my ungodliness at the moment, for at that time I am living as though God is not involved in my life or my circumstances. I fail to recognize the invisible hand of God behind whatever is triggering my frustration. In the heat of the moment, I tend not to think about God at all. Instead, I focus entirely on the immediate cause of my frustration."

Wow... all in one move, I was convicted, mourned over how sinful I was, and ran to Jesus in gratitude for His forgiveness. My "respectable" sin of getting frustrated could not be respected by me any longer.

Thank you Lord for your conviction. The more I see my dirt, the more beautiful you become to me! I thank you that you are behind and in control of everything, even the traffic and everything else that triggers my frustration. I know you are in control of 'my' plans because...

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:16

P.S. The next chapter in the book is on Discontent. No doubt I have another roundhouse kick to the head coming tonight!

Health Food -> Improved Vision?

2010-05-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

At least once a week I make a walk down to Fresh & Easy to get food for the rest of the week. It is one of my favorite stores now as they have a great selection of salads, prepared meals, flavored water, etc... all the healthy stuff made easy and affordable! (I feel like a commercial.)

I also appreciate the walk because it is a good mile to get there. Nothing like a little bit of exercise on my lunch break! Usually I have a couple of my coworkers with me on the walk, but today I was solo and it was pretty nice and relaxing.

Then something happened to me that rarely, if ever, happens on the streets of Hollywood: Someone touched me. Not in a flirtatious sense and not in a way of someone trying to sell me something either, but a genuine touch to my arm like someone was reaching out for me. It shocked me. Who reaches out like that? In the middle of a crowd of people, it was impossible to see who it was that did it. But as I emerged from the crowd, I took the opportunity to look back and see who it could have been.

It was a little boy, not older than ten years old, with some sort of apparent handicap, and... very possibly blind. That's who reached out. Tenderly touching my arm as I brushed by without even taking notice of him. It choked me up... and I couldn't figure out why at first.

My initial thought was, "Jen, you used to be such a non-cry-er... and now? You're a pansy!" It's true too. While I used to pride myself in my 'strength' that was shown through not crying (boy was I wrong about what strength is), now a simple touch on the street had my throat tight. Next thing you know, I'll be crying through "Where the Red Fern Grows" like SOME people! (You know I love you mom!) :)

But as I continued to walk closer to the store, I started to realize not only why it shocked me so much, but why it touched me too. I watched the people who walked by me and I wondered if they also, deep down inside, want to be touched. To be seen. To be noticed. But given that we are people on our 'own walks of life' and people with hesitations that would stop us from reaching out, unlike this boy, who would truly show it? Instead, in this city of Hollywood, the people 'reach out' in the only way they know how to: through entertainment, through fake relationships, and, of course, through sex. Is this really what they're looking for? No. There's no way it could be, but it's the closest they can get to what they know deep down inside that they want.

It made me want to reach out to them in return. To get to know them. To see them for who they are. To gentle touch them on the arm, if nothing else. Not that I haven't wanted that for a long time before, but it made it stronger.

It made me want to give everyone I saw a hug. Even the man in a full red jumper yelling at himself. No... especially him.

Here I was, the one who could see, and yet I learned a new way of 'seeing' people from someone who couldn't...

"...God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong..." - 1 Corinthians 1:27

It All Comes Full Circle

2010-05-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

Without doing too much catch up (I will do that in another blog to come sometime), I am now in children's ministry on Saturday nights. I feel completely unequipped and, ironically, having to teach a class of 4th-6th graders is scarier to me than approaching pimps on a dark night. Go figure ;)

Either way, God is continuously teaching me things through it. This last weekend was when he dropped a nice kick in the head through it...

Up until now I always saw the Prostitute ministry on Fridays night and the children's ministry on Saturday nights as two separate things. One night we are ministering to the lost and those who feel like they have no hope, and the next night we are ministering to kids through games, prayer, and Bible teaching.

But this last Saturday night it changed. I was standing outside watching the kids in our class playing on the playground. The two that specifically caught my eye were our two 6th grade girls... playing tag. "Wow," I thought. "On Friday nights I see girls their age selling themselves for money or for the acceptance of their pimp. And on Saturday nights, I see these girls full of innocence, still living out their childhood. What a contrast..."

And that's when it hit me. The two ministries are not unrelated. Not at all! They, in fact, completely feed into each other. In one, we are working to establish Jesus in children's lives so that way they do live an abundant life in Christ, capable of resisting the devil, his lies and his temptations in the world. In another, we are working to establish Jesus in these girls' (often times Children's!) lives so that way He can undo the damage that has been done already.

I thought about the girls on the street... Most of these girls grew up in church. Where were their children's church teachers now? What kinds of prayers did these teachers lift up for the children? For their home lives? For their love for Jesus? All of a sudden, children's ministry was not JUST 'Children's Ministry.' It became urgent. God opened my eyes to how important it is that I am there.

Jesus, I pray that I will be more diligent to pray for your little children and that you will use me to help establish a true love for You in their lives. Let me be used to prevent my Saturday night kids from becoming my Friday night ministry... I love you!

Pick Up Your Cross

2010-04-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

4 Words I Never Thought I'd Hear - Outreach 4/23/10

2010-04-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

After another few week break from outreach, I had the privilege of going again Friday night. As much as I want to go every week, it never works out that way, but God always has a purpose in my 'off weeks' so I am grateful for the weeks I don't go... and then all the more excited for the weeks I do!

God has been working on me a lot since the last time. He has been reminding me of how His heart breaks when His children are hurting. I watched the movie 'Precious' with my sister recently and it made the lives of these girls all the more real to me. When I showed up for outreach on Friday, I was ready... ready to go out there again, ready to mourn with Jesus over the pain I would witness, and ready to be His light. I was so filled up and pumped!

It was for the reason that in another aspect, I was not prepared and was caught off guard. The cops. Men (and some women) who patrol the streets for the purpose (supposedly) to protect the people from harm. So when two cops pulled up to where Cynthia and I were, I didn't think twice about it. I was excited to be out there, talking to the girls and guys. The fact that we could possibly look suspicious didn't even cross my mind.

Then came the four words I never thought I would hear from a cop:

"Put your hands up!"

Wait... what? I am out here to share Jesus! All we are doing is standing here on a corner, leaning over as we are talking to a guy in a car about Christ... oh wait... oops...

We put our hands up. Next came questions from the cop like: "Are you soliciting?" No sir! "You're in a dangerous area. You are aware of where you are right??" Yes sir. Fully aware! It was actually pretty funny when it was all said and done. Afterward he even apologized for getting on our case! Overall, it was a really neat opportunity to tell him why we go out there. :)

And there you have it: my first (and hopefully only?) run in with the cops!

That was the first thing that happened when we went out there. After that, we had the opportunity to talk and pray with a lot of different girls. Some young, some a little bit older (not that much), some scared, some intoxicated. We also got to talk to a few men... even a liquor store owner who was very open to chat!

But overall, the thing I made sure to keep repeating in my mind was, "These are God's beloved sons and daughters." The attitude that I would usually have being out there of having fun because we are doing something risky wasn't there that night and I was so thankful for that. Not that that attitude is wrong, but I was glad to be able to walk the streets not only with a respect for the streets (thank you cops! hehe) but also with a gentleness for the individual lives of the people we talked to.

Sometimes things don't turn out the way you think it will or things happen that you don't expect, but the great thing about God is it turns out His way which is so much better than any way we could have expected! Thank you Jesus for not doing things our way! :)

Outreach 3/19/10 - Struggling with Defeat

2010-03-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

Last night was a tough night for Outreach... at least for me it was. It had been kind of a strange week and so when I showed up at Laurie's, I felt myself thinking, "I don't want to be here right now." The whole day beforehand, I was SO excited for Outreach, and yet last night, I felt defeated. I didn't 'feel' like it. I didn't 'feel' strong enough.

And that's why I love prayer. Lifting up praises and prayer requests to an amazing God with my brothers and sisters can turn my hard heart to mush. I didn't 'feel' any stronger, but God's strength is more than enough for me. Thank goodness!

For a few months now, I have been thinking back to my first time on outreach. It was so heart breaking that I cried my whole was home afterwards. I had so much compassion for them. And yet, over time, I didn't have that ache any more. Outreach was becoming just something that I do and only get excited about. And while I don't want to be a mess every time I go out there, I hated that my passion was gone. I had been praying that God would bring that back for me. God brought it last night... through a young girl.

Most girls, once they have been turned out and trained by their pimps, know who to talk to, who not to talk to, what to say, what NOT to say, etc. J***** was out there for her first night... she hadn't even turned a trick yet. She didn't know it wasn't okay to tell us that she didn't want to do this. She also didn't know it wasn't okay to tell us she was only 17. She was sweet, vulnerable, scared, and wanted nothing more than to not be there.

"Laurie... seriously... I know our car is packed, but I will lay in the trunk so we can take her with us." I remember telling Laurie last night after we prayed with J****. I hated leaving her there. It broke my heart and it took me everything not to break down into tears for the rest of the night.

I don't know what is to come of this girl or even where she is today. I don't know if they got her to turn her first trick or if she will get away before it's too late. All I know is I can't stop thinking about her and praying for her.

I also know that I am thankful for God breaking my heart once again.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm the slacker who hasn't written in over a month... and I was doing so good for a while there!

Update:

Monique, my close friend since Freshman year of High school, got married this last Sunday. It was a beautiful wedding! I was so honored to be a part of it and stand beside her as her bridesmaid!

A wonderful view:

Amazing flower decorations:

A goofy wedding party:

A supporting family:

A gorgeous bride:

Oh and don't forget, the coolest date:

In other news, I haven't gone on outreach in about 2 months. Part of the reason I don't write a lot lately. BUT I will be going this Friday! Expect an amazing story of God's grace on Saturday! :)

Ummm... Let's See...

2010-02-10T18:01:00.000-08:00

I've been ignoring my blog this month. And it's not even that I have been too busy... just too lazy...

So... Update:

1. I found an old blog that I started about 4 years ago. It was really funny. But it reminded me of some 'goals' I had for myself. Spirit West Coast anyone?? I have never been...

2. I have major foot-in-mouth disease. Not only did I announce that my coworker had a sex change (which... she did not), but people now think I am set to get married on my birthday. Don't ask.

3. I saw Jack Black today. In a salon. Which would explain the foil in his hair.

4. Oh! and the only real update... I will be going to a Mark Driscoll conference on Saturday. SWEET!

The End

Old Hobbies Become New Tools

2010-02-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

I realized there has been something pretty big on the horizon that I have been forgetting to update on!

Before my Christmas break, I had this idea to make something for the girls we meet on the street. Something that would make them feel extra special, especially when they thought of the time and effort put into the gift. Then, on facebook, I came across a photo album of a ministry that reaches out to men and women in the adult industry. They were preparing Christmas gifts and one things they were doing is making scarves!

"Wait a minute," I thought. "I know how to make scarves too!"

And so it began. Crocheting. Crocheting. Crocheting. I am not as far ahead as I would like to have been by now, but even still, with the little time I've had, I've been able to make quite a few so far! See??

Ok Ok so the picture is a little silly... but you get the idea... A LOT OF SCARVES! Yay!

In the process, a friend of mine has been praying for quite a while about wanting to start a crocheting/knitting class type party where people can learn how to crochet. It would also serve as a way to minister to those who are learning. After a few months of praying, she finally expressed what was on her heart to her sister... the same day that I told her sister about my project of making scarves. Coincidence?? I think not.

Lord thank you for making this all about you and leading your people to love others. Thank you for using the strange quicks we have to become something beautiful for You!

Ironic??

2010-01-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

Homeless Outreach 1/16/10

2010-01-19T20:38:00.000-08:00

Call me an Outreach Junkie... I don't care. I will gladly take pride in this obsession. I love it!

A few weeks ago my sister expressed a huge burden on her to reach out to the homeless in Lancaster. Actually, she had been expressing it for a while, but she decided to take the next step in expressing it publicly and asking people to move with her to do something about it. So today, we finally took our first step to do something about it.

Outreach is always amazing to me. I love the comradery it brings with all those who go together. But today was a different kind of amazing. I have never served along side my family. Interesting thought. Of all the service opportunities I have taken part in and of all the years I have known them... 26 years knowing my mom, 20 years knowing my sister, and 13 (or so?) years of knowing Ron... we have never (as far as I can remember) done service together. Crazy! So today was different. We didn't come together because we had a common goal. We were already together and decided on a common goal... together.

We had a group of about ...counts on fingers... nine of us who went out today! We had 100 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, 5 cases of water, a few bags of socks, some chips, and 40 hygiene 'goodie' bags... all of which... we RAN OUT OF! Amazing!

We met quite a few people, some of which we got to pray and cry with, and a few who even want to come to church! We had no idea what today was going to look like, where we would go, what we would say, or who we would meet. We just knew we had to do it and we prayed the Holy Spirit would lead us in the right direction. And He did!

Thank you Jesus for your leading. Thank you for breaking our hearts for what breaks Yours. Thank you for Frank, Lester, Joshua, Ivan, Jennifer, Anthony and Ed, and everyone else we met. We pray that You would continue to work on their hearts and in their lives.

Thank you for being you, God. What more could we ask for?

Pending Blogs...

2010-01-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

It's funny... a few months ago, I was struggling to think of things to write about. This blog was turning into a place where I filled out random surveys and posted them... just for the sake of posting 'something.'

And now?? I have four 'pending' blogs and about 3 other subjects that I have been wanting to write about.

My friend said last week (not verbatim, sorry), "I used to think life, and following God, meant living a boring life. But once I started saying 'YES' to God, my life has been anything but boring!"

Amen.

Here's to a non-boring life and countless things that happen that I would love to blog about. But... if I had to choose between blogging and living? I choose an abundant life :)

Prostitute Outreach 1/1/10

2010-01-02T11:48:00.000-08:00

I think one of my favorite things about this kind of ministry (besides, of course, the honor of sharing Jesus with people) is that every night is different from the last. The people we get to meet, as well as the team who goes out, changes every time so there is always something new to report. Never a dull moment :)

Last night our team was Laurie, Daryl, Johnny, Lilly, and I. We met up at Laurie and Daryl's, prayed, got some coffee (and Slurpee's!) at 7-11, and then headed out to the track around 10.

S*****, the first girl we came across, Laurie, Daryl, and Lilly went to go talk to. Johnny and I stayed back and prayed. We didn't want to freak her out by having five people walk up to her. They got to give her a gift and pray with her.

As we were walking back to the car we saw a man and woman walking together. It kind of seemed like the man was on something but at the very least they both smelled strong of alcohol. When we first approached them, they asked us if we were lost (LOL). We then asked them if they wanted a gift. We had a nail clipper set that the man very enthusiastically took (it's great when we have gifts that the guys will like too!). He then took a phone call so we didn't get to talk to him anymore.

We started talking to the woman, K****, and asked her if she needed prayer for anything. She told us she was out there looking for her daughter, A****, who had just turned 16 the day before. A**** had reportedly ran away from her foster home and was working the track for a man. The heartbroken mother was trying to find her. We prayed for her and she cried a lot. It was so sad.

After we were done talking to her, we noticed there was a very nice silver dodge that kept driving by us. Sometimes the pimps drive by and keep an eye on us... or the girls... or both? Anyway, we made note of it and started to walk back to the car but then we realized it was A****! (Our "Next Top Model" girl) We gave her and her friend M**** some gifts. We didn't expect to see her out so early so it was a pleasant surprise :)

We drove around again and Johnny spotted some girls on opposite sides of the street so we stopped and split. Laurie, Daryl, and Lilly went to the other side of the street first and got to talk to C**. Johnny and I talked to J**** for a few minutes. She took a gift bag but was in too much of a hurry to let us talk to her. She stopped long enough to ask if we had condoms for her and then with disappointment from our answer, said thank you and kept walking quickly. On our way back to the car, Johnny and I came across a girl (who I am guessing was C**) and she said she already had received a gift bag.

After driving again, we saw two girls outside a store so we stopped and all of us but Daryl got out (poor guy wasn't feeling well). One of the girls was J****, whom Jen and I talked to a few weeks ago (the woman who has been working the track for 25 years). The other girl with her was quiet so I didn't catch her name.

After talking to them a few minutes a car pulled up. The girls looked inside and said they had to take off and started walking fast down the street. A guy got out of the car and starting spitting at them (verbal gesture toward the girls in hopes to get them out of pocket). Then he saw us and recognized Laurie and within seconds went from yelling to a happy smiley "Hey!" to us. Wow... business vs personal... two completely different personalities.

Laurie talked to him for quite a while and we started talking to another guy. We didn't catch his name at first but we chatted and tried to give him a pimp tract. Laurie came over and asked him what his name was...

Guy: "Huh!"
Laurie: What's your name?
Guy: "HUH!"
Laurie: What's your NAME??

Turns out the guys name was Hu (pronounced huh). Oh my... that was the best laugh ever! ("Who's on First?" anyone??) But of course he was obviously on something so it's debatable if his mother actually named him Hu ;)

On our way leaving the track, we saw a girl, J***, by the bus stop (we had seen her earlier but didn't get to stop) so Laurie and I jumped out of the car and prayer with her. She wanted prayer for her struggles.

Before I close, Johnny made me promise to mention that at the gas station he had a choking fit. Lesson of the night? Don't drink your Slurpee's too fast. :D

It was a really great night. It is always especially exciting when relationships are being developed with the pimps... that means they will learn to trust us more and we will get more favor with the girls too.

Thank you Jesus! What a great way to start off the new year... loving people ;)

Better to give than to Receive?

2009-12-10T17:08:00.000-08:00

Taken from Mint.com. Kinda makes you think!

budget planner – Mint.com

Prostitute Outreach - 12/04/09

2009-12-05T09:53:00.001-08:00

Last night's outreach was amazing! God definitely prepared the hearts of the people who would be there on the streets. We didn't talk to *a lot* of people, but for the one's we did talk to, we had long meaningful conversations with them. It was as if, in their brokenness, they were just asking us to speak truth into their lives. It was so great!

Our team last night was Jen, Johnny, Lindsay, and I. Laurie had a procedure done on her feet so she had to stay home and rest. Poor thing!

We first came across two girls who were nice and took the bags, but you could tell they were being watched, so we didn't talk to them too long. But it was when we were talking to them that we noticed two men, A****** and H***, across the street. I'm not sure if they were runners or just some guys hanging out, but we decided to go talk to them and give them some pimp tracts.

They both didn't seem super interested in talking, but they didn't seem to mind us being there so we made small talk with the taller one. The other one was really quiet until Lindsay realized he spoke Spanish so she starting talking to him more. (I NEED to learn Spanish!) They talked for a good fifteen minutes, including when she praying with him. I told her afterward that I didn't know what she said, but it sounded good. lol She said that he didn't give a lot of specifics but said he had a lot of things in his life that needed prayer.

One thing that I have struggled with in this ministry is having compassion. I have been able to have compassion for the girls, and even for the pimps, but it is the Johns that I have had the hardest time with. I keep telling myself that if they would just go home to their wives, if there wasn't a 'demand,' there would be no need for the supply of girls. It was last night that I had to confess to God that not only have I never attempted to have compassion for the men, but I have never prayed for it or ask for God to open my eyes to the brokenness in their lives.

One thing Lindsay said that H*** said when she asked him what was on his heart is that he just wants to be loved and to have someone there with him. I thought back to the sadness in his face and all of a sudden, God gave me compassion for these men, without condoning the sin in their lives. We all have God-shaped holes that tell us our lives are meant for more than what they are and that we are meant for love, but as long as we fill that hole with anything but Christ, we will never feel complete.

We took turns getting out of the car to talk to a few other people. Jen and I (yes, the two Jens hehe) got to talk to J**** who had been working the track since 1984! We had never seen her before but she said she just gets out there, makes some money, and then gets out and heads home. She doesn't have a pimp and doesn't like to talk to anyone on the street, but for whatever reason, she felt like she wanted to let us talk to her. She said that, just as people have addictions to gambling, she had an addiction with prostitution. (She mentioned they should have a "prostitutes anonymous" class to help with the addictions... what an idea!) Her sister and her son both sound like they are walking with the Lord and they pray for her and encourage her to leave this life style, all the while loving her. She said she wants out, but needs the strength to do so. She was so sweet; very affectionate and we got to pray with her too. We got her number and gave her Laurie's number. I hope she calls!

It was a really great night. Sometimes I think I am more blessed by it all than anyone who we are reaching out to, but I guess that's how God works... blessing those pouring love as well as the ones being poured into.

Please pray for the team as we try to catch up on sleep (I only slept a few hours last night... too excited?), for Laurie as she is being healed, and for the people we met. Pray that God would continue to work on their hearts! God is so good!

Living Above Reproach - Oswald Remix

2009-11-28T18:21:00.000-08:00

Leave it to Oswald Chambers to say so elequently (and in some words that I had to look up!) what I was trying to explore in my question about living above reproach. (Check out his daily devotions on http://www.myutmost.org/)

THE CONSECRATION OF SPIRITUAL ENERGY

"By whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world." Galatians 6:14

If I brood on the Cross of Christ, I do not become a subjective pietist, interested in my own whiteness; I become dominantly concentrated on Jesus Christ's interests. Our Lord was not a recluse nor an ascetic, He did not cut Himself off from society, but He was inwardly disconnected all the time. He was not aloof, but He lived in an other world. He was so much in the ordinary world that the religious people of His day called Him a glutton and a wine-bibber. Our Lord never allowed anything to interfere with His consecration of spiritual energy.

The counterfeit of consecration is the conscious cutting off of things with the idea of storing spiritual power for use later on, but that is a hopeless mistake. The Spirit of God has spoiled the sin of a great many, yet there is no emancipation, no fullness in their lives. The kind of religious life we see abroad to-day is entirely different from the robust holiness of the life of Jesus Christ. "I pray not that Thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that Thou shouldest keep them from the evil." We are to be in the world but not of it; to be disconnected fundamentally, not externally.

We must never allow anything to interfere with the consecration of our spiritual energy. Consecration is our part, sanctification is God's part; and we have deliberately to determine to be interested only in that in which God is interested. The way to solve perplexing problems is to ask - Is this the kind of thing in which Jesus Christ is interested, or the kind of thing in which the spirit that is the antipodes of Jesus is interested?

The Wounded Man

2009-11-26T23:43:00.000-08:00

"[Job] says of God, "So Thou dost destroy [man's] hope" (14:19). Job's experience is that of the wounded male, the man who has been wounded by life's misfortune but, being a man of faith, knows that God somehow is behind the misfortune. In this sense, a relationship with God only complicates the problem. The man without faith merely deals with the calamity, but the man of faith must wrestle with God over it... Either way, one is disappointed. But disappointment with God is sometimes more difficult to accept than dealing with suffering without God. Factoring God into the equation only heightens the struggle. " The Masculine Journey by Robert Hicks

First off, don't ask why I am reading this book. LONG story but it was actually recommended to me by someone I trust and it has been amazing how much I have been learning as I read it... about myself, God, others... specifically the men in my life... especially the ones who have had dramatic impact in my life and who I am today, like family members or others I have been/are close to. I am really grateful for this book of 'masculinity.' hehe

This quote hit me pretty hard (as many others in the book have). I thought about how many people I have known who have walked away from their faith when things got too tough to be able to believe in God anymore. And then I think of all those I know who, through tough times, have only grown closer to God during those times and have actually become all the more stronger Christians because of their trials, not regardless of them. It's so amazing to see. And so sad to contrast.

I look at these two opposing reactions of Christians in pain and it seems like there are two things present in the resilient Christian and two things lacking in the one who falls away. I don't know that there is any biblical basis for this (if there is, that's even better!), but I know it wouldn't contradict the Bible and it has remained pretty consistent through what I have experienced.

Those two things are Foundation and Fellowship. The F words of Christianity. Oops! ;)

Foundation: A person with a strong foundation in Christ is one who trusts God regardless of what others say. He is not a Christian just because his family is, because his friends are, or because that's what the church says he should be. He has dug into the Bible and found it to be truth in his life. He knows that calamity may come his way and although no one is ever fully prepared for pain, he knows it will come and he is willing to stand strong throughout it because he knows Jesus is his savior... through it all.

Fellowship: A person with fellowship will stand strong through trials because she has a band of believers who pray for her, encouage her to stay strong, and keep her accountable when she is tempted to walk away. Unlike Job's friends, they will be slow to speak unless God confirms there is something that needs to be said. Otherwise, they will be gentle with their words and love on the struggling Christian the way that Jesus would want them to... ceaselessly!

I think back on the things I have been through, the extreme trials where I have questioned God's intentions as He had "dealt bitterly with me" (Ruth 1:20), and have been tempted to walk away from my faith in Jesus completely because of it. All I can think of then is how thankful I am to God for establishing in me a foundation that no one and nothing can shake... no matter how tempted I have been to turn away, I could never do it. It would be against everything in me to do so. And I am also thankful for fellowship. I am thankful for family members, friends, pastors, and mentors who have loved me through trials and have continuously fed me reminders of God's faithfulness when I have needed it. And of course I am thankful for Jesus who provides it all... the foundation, the fellowship, and for the trials themselves. They have made me who I am today.

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:10

Ironic that a post written on Thanksgiving would end in thankfulness to the only One who truly deserves it? Nah. Not ironic. More than appropriate, in fact!

Living Above Reproach

2009-11-23T17:42:00.000-08:00

"He has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him" - Colossians 1:22

"Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach..." - 1 Timothy 3:2

"if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined." - Titus 1:6-8

The Bible talks a lot about living a life that is above reproach. But what does that mean? Does that mean not doing anything that could be rebuked in any way or by any person? Do we sometimes make up extra rules that are not Biblical (legalism?) to ensure that no one could criticize a thing that we do? And if we do, are we then hindering the work that God could be wanting to do through us?

In many ways, Jesus was not above reproach to our standards...

"And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?" - Mark 2:15-16

At that moment, Jesus was being rebuked. Granted, not for the right reasons, but in the Pharisees' minds, and maybe even his disciples' minds, he was not above reproach.

Perhaps, in our venture to live holy lives, we have jumped too far. We have turned something that God can use for good, and turned it into a situation that could be the 'appearance of evil' so we then don't act on the things we feel like God could be leading us to do.

So I guess my goal is to define what it means, and doesn't mean, to live above reproach. I want to get back down to basics. I don't want to live in fear of what something could look like to others and in the process miss out on God's mission for me.