Outreach 3/19/10 - Struggling with Defeat

Last night was a tough night for Outreach... at least for me it was. It had been kind of a strange week and so when I showed up at Laurie's, I felt myself thinking, "I don't want to be here right now." The whole day beforehand, I was SO excited for Outreach, and yet last night, I felt defeated. I didn't 'feel' like it. I didn't 'feel' strong enough.

And that's why I love prayer. Lifting up praises and prayer requests to an amazing God with my brothers and sisters can turn my hard heart to mush. I didn't 'feel' any stronger, but God's strength is more than enough for me. Thank goodness!


For a few months now, I have been thinking back to my first time on outreach. It was so heart breaking that I cried my whole was home afterwards. I had so much compassion for them. And yet, over time, I didn't have that ache any more. Outreach was becoming just something that I do and only get excited about. And while I don't want to be a mess every time I go out there, I hated that my passion was gone. I had been praying that God would bring that back for me. God brought it last night... through a young girl.

Most girls, once they have been turned out and trained by their pimps, know who to talk to, who not to talk to, what to say, what NOT to say, etc. J***** was out there for her first night... she hadn't even turned a trick yet. She didn't know it wasn't okay to tell us that she didn't want to do this. She also didn't know it wasn't okay to tell us she was only 17. She was sweet, vulnerable, scared, and wanted nothing more than to not be there.

"Laurie... seriously... I know our car is packed, but I will lay in the trunk so we can take her with us." I remember telling Laurie last night after we prayed with J****. I hated leaving her there. It broke my heart and it took me everything not to break down into tears for the rest of the night.

I don't know what is to come of this girl or even where she is today. I don't know if they got her to turn her first trick or if she will get away before it's too late. All I know is I can't stop thinking about her and praying for her.

I also know that I am thankful for God breaking my heart once again.