Darkness Falls Across The Land...

One more video. Plus no time for real blogging because I am leaving for SLO today. Yay for Tina time!! :)





P.S. Yesterday morning my mom randomly, totally out of nowhere, said to me, "We really do need to learn that Thriller dance." Does that make her the coolest mom ever? I'd say so!

P.S.S. I actually posted this blog on Wednesday but had it scheduled to show up yesterday, thinking I would be halfway to my destination by then. Little did I know I would have been in an accident around the same time this posted! So no trip for me. Blog about the accident coming soon ;)

Math Lovers Unite!

Sorry no real blogs lately. I will get out of this postingvideos&weirdpicturesinsteadofpostingrealthoughts phase soon. Until then...

"What does a person look for then?"

I'm really only posting this because the girl with the spikes coming out of her head was starting to creep me out. And because I like it.

Thanks again Abraham Piper. Check out the comments on his post.

You might end up dumb(er) for reading this

To warn you from the beginning, with thunder and lighting and bursts of rain, my bedroom was it's own special light show and earthquake box all night. Kind of like Star Tours... only it didn't make me feel sick... or bored (Sorry Disney fans... but that ride made it onto the 'Jen's least favorite rides EVER' list...)

All that to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. It was loud, bright, and... well, a little scary... and now? Now I am tired, jittery from too much caffeine, and crazy haired...

Google FAIL. I did a search for 'cartoon crazy bed head hair' and got this... ummm...

Now that you've been warned, here's an update of things that no one really cares about anyway:

1. Never mind. This was a dumb idea. I don't feel like updating. I'm too tired... and jittery... and crazy haired (but NOT like the picture above) to be funny or creative or intuitive.



Enjoy the creepy picture. ;)

Because I like to laugh...

...and I'm sure you do too, here are a couple videos that are pretty funny! Some are old and some are newer... but fun nonetheless!

1. Chris Tomlin. Like you've never seen him before.

2. Told you being a single lady is awesome! Everyone wants to be one...

3. Since I've been talking about what a horrible person I am, the fact that I enjoy this video immensely only shows what a twisted person I really am. But I challenge you, oh you twisted soul, to not like it also. ;)










Update: Turns out Abraham Piper had the same idea as me today. The first two videos are kinda dumb... the third almost made me pee my pants... (just sayin')

7 Days of Denial

During my year at Hope International University, the dorm leaders challenged us all to a '7 Days of Denial.' This meant, basically, a fast. A couple people actually did fast from food, but most of us fasted from other things. Some of the guys from video games, some other people of things they felt they spent too much time on, and a bulk of us girls fasted from... GASP!... looking in the mirror! It was something one of the leaders was feeling convicted of, so she challenged us to do the same.

At first I didn't think it would be a big deal. "It's not like I look in the mirror that much anyway..." I thought... Boy was I wrong! With a school filled with mirror-like windows on the outside of every classroom, I realized quickly how much I looked at myself. It was so easy too... my reflection was so accessible. It only made sense to look at it! I found myself walking with my head down often. I also had to take the stairs every where too... Our elevator had mirrors on the inside. The first time us girls tried to take it during that week? We screamed and ran! Yes... have fun with it if you want... I DID scream when I saw myself!

As the week came to an end, I learned a lot about trusting in God, not worrying about my outward appearance, and time management. And yet, part of me still wondered what I would look like when the week ended. I went a week of no make-up (funny... now I hardly wear it anyway...) and letting my hair run wild. The first time looking in a mirror? It was anti-climactic. I was still the girl with frizzy hair, chola-eyebrows, and braces.


But I look back on it now and I think about what happens when we don't look in our 'spiritual mirror' for a while. I know this sounds corny, but stick with me here. (haha... I accidentally typed 'stink with me' instead of stick. That made me laugh. Ok sorry. Squirrel moment.) We often talk about the Bible being our mirror, showing us how dirty and filthy we are without Christ. James 1 talks about the dangers of looking in the 'mirror' and not changing our ways. And another type of mirror? Things that challenge us. Marriage. Coworkers. Difficult situations. Missions.


I am trying to not only keep up with The Very Worst Missionary but also going back through her older blogs. In an attempt to waste time this last hour of work (shhh... don't tell my boss. He will have to take a break from forwarding chain emails to reprimand me... hehe), I decided to go to her very first posts from about 3 years ago. Her first post was from the day they left the states to move to Costa Rica as missionaries... and I was a little surprised at what I found. Being used to reading posts by a brutally honest, smart-mouthed, jaded woman (and I mean that in the best way possible!), I was taken back to find a woman who was still upfront, but slightly timid, extremely grateful, and gentle in every way. Not that she isn't grateful now, but, well, she wrote like me. Not feeling completely free to say exactly what she wants to say the way she wants to say it. And when it comes down to it, I bore myself. Sure I write about things that convict me (like she did and still does) but I don't slap people in the face with it like she does. Had my first time reading her blog been like how it was in the beginning, I probably wouldn't have been hooked. I don't need another me.

But then I started thinking about the difference between her blogs then and now. I wondered, "Am I going to become like that? Is that what missions does to you? Do you turn from someone who is excited about the Lord and expectantly waiting on what He has planned to a person who is bitter about the way the world works, about Christians in churches, about the people you minister to?" It scared me a little bit. While it would make my blog more exciting, do I want to have this jaded perspective of God's people?

I was brought back to what a new friend told me the other night. She had spent 6 years with World Impact and was telling me what to expect, what to consider during this application time, and what she loved about it.


She told me, "If you want to know what a horrible and dirty person you are, join World Impact."


If I am completely honest with myself, I am a super bitter person. I get angry with politicians (both sides!) and people who cut me off on the road. I look with disgust upon church-goers who raise their hands to Jesus when I know the cruel words they speak about others. I get upset when my 4th-6th graders don't take the Bible seriously and I wonder if the church is going to go down the drain. I pridefully want to ask the girls on the street how they could let a man control them and why they aren't more grateful of the efforts *I* am making to reach them.

I am super bitter. I don't need to go into missions to become a bitter person. Neither did my 'Worst Missionary' friend. She was already there. I am already there. I need missions to show me my bitterness. I need it as my mirror, like my school filled with mirrors I can't avoid. I need it so that I can finally look it in the eye and decide what I want to do with it.


Hi. My name is Jen. And I am a bitter, wretched person.

And let's face it... so are you.

Whose Fault IS It?

I have a million things I want to write about this week, but I will write about the most recent thing that I have been thinking about... :)

A couple nights ago we had a speaker from Voice of the Martyrs at our church. I have been familiar with the organization for quite some time so I was super excited to have him here. Despite leaving work later than intended, crazy traffic, and a 'fine-I-guess-I-won't-be-going-cause-I-hate-being-late' attitude, God in all His goodness got me to the church just seconds before the event started. I am so glad for it too!

This event, which maybe I will write more about later, inspired me to *finally* read the book "Tortured for Christ"... written by the founder of VOM, Richard Wurmbrand. I have had the book for forever but always end up distracted by another book instead.

This book is pretty much rocking my socks with every page, but here's something that keeps going through my head (It's long... but so good!) To introduce it, this chapter was devoted not only to the torture that Christians went through (and still do) in Communist countries, but also to what the families of the captives go through. Here's one store that broke my heart, but it brings me back to my girls, to my love for the inner city, and to my own dirty heart:

I will tell you just one case of suffering from a family that I know personally. A brother entered prison on account of his work in the Underground Church. He left behind a wife with six children. His older daughters of seventeen and nineteen could not get a job. The only one that gives jobs in a Communist country is the state, and it does not give jobs to children of "criminal" Christians. Please don't judge this story according to moral standards; just receive the facts. The two daughters of a Christian martyr - Christians themselves - became prostitutes to support their younger brothers and sick mother. Their younger brother of fourteen became insane when he saw it and had to be put in an asylum. When years later the imprisoned father returned, his only prayer was, "God, take me to prison again. I cannot bear to see this." His prayer was answered and he was jailed again for the crime of having witnessed for Christ to children. His daughters were no longer prostitutes, as they received jobs complying with the demands of the secret police - they became informers. As daughters of a Christian martyr, they are received with honor in every house. They listen and then they report everything they hear to the secret police. Don't just say that this is ugly and immoral - of course it is - but ask yourself if it is not also your sin that such tragedies occur, that such families are left alone, and are not helped by you who are free.

This is not at all a post to excuse behavior that is contrary to God's word, but to try to take a look at that log in our eyes before judging the specks in others...


*A family is left on their own without a provider and without a way of making money, what options do they have? What IF the Christians in the free countries HAD stepped up, done their part, and provided for this family, would these young girls have made the decision to sell their bodies and then to sell their Christian brothers and sisters to prison?

*A young boy is left alone without a close family. He has no one... until someone from a gang shows interest in him. This gang makes him feel accepted and loved. He has to commit some illegal acts, but over all, for the first time, he feels like he has a family. What IF Christians were in this boys life, showing him Christ's love and acceptance? Would this boy's life have turned out differently? Would he still have died at the age of twelve by getting shot?

*A poor family has very little money with even less chance of their children getting a proper education. Just one hop over the border to a more thriving country with a job of manual labor means dinner on the table and education for their children. They now have a chance not only of survival, but also of living a better life. What IF Christians provided a way for these children to learn and helped these family with their needs? What IF Christians, instead of so quickly holding their money with a tight fist, found ways to help these families be able to legally live in their country so they could have better lives and learn the Gospel? Would these families have to continually live as captives, always running from the law and never knowing the security in Jesus?

*A young girl, who has been abused by men all her life, has never known true love. A pimp offers her that true love... only it's not true. She finds herself also running from the law as she makes money for the only 'love' she has ever known by selling herself. What IF Christians showed her love, TRUE love, and offered her a way off the streets? What IF Christians, instead of sitting around discussing what a horrible thing that is, got out of their comfort zones, reached out to her, prayed for her, and offered her a life that she no longer thought was possible for her? How would things be different for her?


Instead of looking at some one's life and thinking about how awful that life is, we should instead be thinking about how this could be our fault, our SIN, that allowed this life for them to happen. This is not to take responsibility away from people as they make decisions, but to encourage us to TAKE responsibility for the solution, for offering the gift, that could change those decisions they are making. We are JUST as responsible!

‎"When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical." -Unknown


Ahem... so to answer the question I get asked often, THAT is why I want to move to the inner city.