The Throne

Yesterday in small group we had a discussion regarding if we truly do long for heaven and for Jesus to come back. We can say that we do, but do we still wish for other things here on earth to happen first? With an ashamed giggle, I had to admit that just minutes before going to group that day, I was thinking out loud with my sister of what I think, or hope, the next few years will bring about. It seemed like a pretty simple plan, what God would want. But then as we started discussing in group, I realized that the idea of Jesus coming back before any of these things happening hadn't entered my head.

If Jesus came back before I ever get married, before I have my own kids (biological or adopted), before I get to do full time missions, before, before, before... would I be disappointed? Or do I choose Jesus' return before my one-, three-, or five-year plan?

With that rolling around in my head, I drove down to LA for church service and a meeting. After an amazing message through Hosea, we entered a time a worship with an exhortation from the pastor: "Worship Jesus right now with everything. If you won't in here, you won't anywhere else."

Wanting to focus on Jesus alone during this time, I found myself distracted. I thought about how much I loved the music, I wondered what was to come with my meeting after church, I thought of the people I didn't get to see that day because I was out of town... and all the while, I witnessed the people around me with stretched out arms, singing as loud as they could as they praised God for all He has done.

Why was I so distracted? What do these people understand about this time of worship that I don't that causes them to praise without distraction, without worrying what others think, or without trying to impress others with their spirituality (you can tell the difference...)? I wanted to be before God's throne and worship with everything in me.

The throne.

"And above the expanse over their heads there was the likeness of a throne, in appearance like sapphire; and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness with a human appearance. And upward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were gleaming metal, like the appearance of fire enclosed all around. And downward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were the appearance of fire, and there was brightness around him. Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness all around.

Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. And when I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard the voice of one speaking."

-Ezekial 1:26-28

"...I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!"

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke."

-Isaiah 6:1-4

"At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald."

-Revelation 4:2-3

The throne!

Marriage? Kids? Missions? My plans? Do I want more than any of these things to see him on His throne? To worship him with all the creatures of the earth? To fall on my face before Him??

YES Jesus! I want Heaven!



Just an hour later, I was at our ministry meeting. We discussed new changes and what is to happen next. And all the while, I sat across the table from someone I care about, who wears their pain on their face. A weak "I'm here" smile was the most I knew how to offer. It killed me.

Marriage. Kids. Missions. My plans. Do I want more than all of these things to be in a place where there is no pain? To see an end to slavery, to divorce, to gossiping, to dissension amongst family members. To be in a place where there are no more tears?

Yes Lord. I want heaven. Come soon.

Gulp

Two days ago, I read Proverbs 17:

4 An evildoer listens to wicked lips,
and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue.

7 Fine speech is not becoming to a fool;
still less is false speech to a prince.

20 A man of crooked heart does not discover good,
and one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.

27 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.


Yesterday, I read Proverbs 18:

2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.

4 The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters;
the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.

6 A fool’s lips walk into a fight,
and his mouth invites a beating.

7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.

8 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.

13 If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame.

20 From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;
he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.


Today:

My boss walked into the room when a coworker and I were gossiping about someone.


I feel sick.

No One is in Trouble, But...

Part of blogging on blogspot means you get this fancy little button that says 'Stats.' With this feature, you can see how many people look at your blog within a certain amount of time, where the people live (or at least what country), what posts they are reading, and... how they found your blog.

At least once a week, someone finds my blog by googling my first and last name. I'll admit it's a little creepy...


Who are you people who look me up??


Just curious ;)

Are you Sassier than a 5th Grader?

The conversation:

Me: You girls should really be nicer to and about your little sisters. Someday you will be adults and your little sister might become one of your closest friends...

My 4th-6th grade girls at church: But they are so annoying! ahhh!! ::add some words like 'stupid' and 'hate' in there::

Me: Yeah my sister was annoying too. But now she's almost 21 and not only can she see why she annoyed me, she is no longer annoying and is really cool!

5th Grader: Wait... she's 21? how old are you?

Me: 27

5th Grader: ::looks at other girl:: wow... and she's not even married...


And on that note...



OH! but I guess I should add this, the gift my Valentine MADE for me :D

I feel spoiled...

and for Tomorrow?

Two and a half years ago, as I was volunteering at the Dream Center in LA, I had this crazy and original (or so I thought*) idea that instead of only volunteering in the inner city, it could be a good thing to live there with the people...

The next day, Keith Phillips, President of World Impact, came as a guest speaker to my church in Simi Valley. He told about his ministry in the inner city for the last few decades (*proving my idea wasn't so original) and from that moment on, my heart has ached for the mission field...

Six months ago, I decided to stop sitting around and finally work on my World Impact application...

Today, after sitting on my application even longer, Keith Phillips came as a guest speaker to my church in Lancaster. I don't remember the last church service where my heart has beat so fast the entire time...


My head is spinning. I don't like feeling torn.


For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Selah
-Psalm 62:5-8