Rubbing Milkshake into the Wound

Last night I had a rough night. I left work early to make it to church in time for a class I have been wanting to take. I gave myself more than ample time to leave work, make one errand, go home for dinner, and go to the class. The plan... MY plan... was fool proof.

As time moved, and traffic didn't, I realized I wasn't going to make it. I was SO frustrated! So much so that I freaked out. I had a nice cry in my car on the frozen 5 and then (brace yourselves) I got off the freeway to get a large chocolate shake and western cheeseburger with extra BBQ sauce from Carl's Jr. Yes... I was THAT upset! I didn't care. I was justified to have a 'freak out' moment. I was frustrated!

Frustrated that nothing was going my way.
Frustrated that traffic did not obey my rules so I could keep my plans.
Frustrated that I had already missed the last two weeks of the class I was trying to make it to.
Frustrated that I was single. (and why not? Might as well be upset at everything that I felt was wrong in this world, right?)

And?? I was frustrated that I was frustrated!

I got home and threw the equivalent of a 3 year old tantrum in my head. I complained about my life not being the way I wanted it to be to God, dragged my feet around the house, and nursed my upset tummy from the milkshake and greasy food I ate. Sulk sulk sulk...

Then, of all books, I picked up my current read: "Respectable Sins" by Jerry Bridges. Ironically (or not), it was the chapter on Anxiety and Frustration. Here's what he said:

"Frustration usually involves being upset or even angry at whatever or whoever is blocking our plans. ...This type of reaction has its roots in my ungodliness at the moment, for at that time I am living as though God is not involved in my life or my circumstances. I fail to recognize the invisible hand of God behind whatever is triggering my frustration. In the heat of the moment, I tend not to think about God at all. Instead, I focus entirely on the immediate cause of my frustration."

Wow... all in one move, I was convicted, mourned over how sinful I was, and ran to Jesus in gratitude for His forgiveness. My "respectable" sin of getting frustrated could not be respected by me any longer.

Thank you Lord for your conviction. The more I see my dirt, the more beautiful you become to me! I thank you that you are behind and in control of everything, even the traffic and everything else that triggers my frustration. I know you are in control of 'my' plans because...

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:16

P.S. The next chapter in the book is on Discontent. No doubt I have another roundhouse kick to the head coming tonight!