Me and My Stubbornness... Thank goodness for Grace!

I have come to realize that God doesn't change... ok wait, that wasn't the realization; that's a given. But what I realized is that something God tells you to do years ago, He still continues to tell you... until you finally decide to listen...

Rewind six years (wow! Six years!) when I went to the inner city for the first time. I was going to HIU and we had to do so many hours of service per semester so a group of us went down to the Dream Center in Echo Park. From there, they split us onto teams and sent us on buses with food, clothing, and an eagerness for the unexpected. My team was sent to a hotel where many people lived there, in a one bedroom with their many children. They were happy and grateful for our visit regardless of their living situation. From that moment, I already knew I needed to be apart of the lives of people on the street.

The next time we went, we were put on a bus to Imperial Courts... a public housing project in Watts. The crips erupted here, the bloods in another housing projects just a few blocks from there, and part of "Training Day" was filmed there to make it more "realistic"... thank you Hollywood having the open eyes to see the state of the city, but doing nothing more than exploiting the people...

eh, anyway...

I really loved it there. I never was able to make it back to the Dream Center while I was at HIU but I often thought about the people living there in the projects. In the years to pass I often took part in homeless outreach opportunities but being there once a week at the most wasn't enough for me. I knew eventually I would want to live in the inner city. I often told people that too... "If money was no option, I would live in LA and be with the people full time."

I kept making excuses though for not doing it. I needed to finish my degree first. I would have no way of supporting myself. I had to finish paying on my car. I have to save up enough money first. All stuff that made sense to me, and even to people who I told, but over all... all excuses! All excuses to hide the fact that really... it wasn't that I didn't have the money, the degree, or the lack of car bills, etc... it was all a lack of faith in God that He can do anything and that if He has given me a passion for his people, I need to go for it! No matter what!!

A few months ago I started going to the Dream Center on my own and, wouldn't you know it... they put me on the bus that sent me to Imperial Courts. I had the same feeling all over again that I had been ignoring so many years... "I need to be here! Every day!" I knew it wasn't enough for me to do what we were doing once a week... smile, hand person pineapple, tell them Jesus is all they need, and then disappear to my cushy home in Simi Valley as I complain that my laptop isn't working right. That would no longer do.

So all of that to get to this... I have quit school... and I am applying with World Impact to be an inner city missionary. And that's where I will close (even though there is SO much more detail to tell... ask me sometime how I came to the actual decision to quit school and how I learned about World Impact... God moves in crazy ways!)

I haven't told a lot of people about applying. I think because if it doesn't work out (or if I chicken out) I won't have too many people to keep me accountable to keep pressing or to be disappointed when my lack of faith kicks in again and I stall another six years. But I know I can't do that, so here I am! Push me guys! Don't let me drag my feet as God shows me where He wants me to go!


Here is a video that I keep watching... it is helping me stay focused on God's will... and mindful of my own selfishness...

I'm a doubting Thomas... Oh me of little faith...

In all the busyness, the excitement, and hustle and bustle... of life, I have to make a conscious decision to remember to update Rachel's progress... get ready... this is good!!!

To recap, it was ten weeks and two days ago that she was in the metrolink accident. She was rushed to USC medical center with a fractured skull, bleeding brain, fractured pelvis and ankle and major skin burns. We all wondered if she was going to make it. And when we became assured that she would live through this, we often pondered if she would speak, walk, or really, what quality of life she would have. We have seen her improve slowly, making responses by moving parts of her body, seeing her body heal, speaking every so often, and learning to eat on her own...

Last week, she walked 24 feet with a walker! Praise God!

Doubting Thomas me... did I think that would ever happen? Not really... I very much doubted her body would ever be capable of that again (Just being honest here)... but now.... Walking!! Talking!! She is such a miracle!!

Be praying for her continual healing. Along with the physical healing, also pray for emotional healing. She just found out during this last week about the accident so she has been pretty emotional lately. I am so thankful she doesn't seem to remember anything that happened that day, but after being in bed for ten weeks and counting, there will be a lot for her to deal with that she has missed. I am dreading the day she asks about Fennie.

God is good no matter what! He has already brought her through so much and I know He will continue to give her the strength to get through what comes her way!

"...the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended by me." -Matthew 11:5-6

Blessed are the poor... no, really...

To make up for my long absence, I am going to blog again in the same week, GASP! I know, I know... a little crazy...

Anyway, I made a joke to a friend earlier (as I was telling him my situation which I am about to go into) that maybe I should blog about it... because that's what all the cool kids do... apparently... so here I am...

Fraud... ugly, ugly thing... leaves you feeling naked, unprotected, and handicapped. Yesterday, I logged onto my bank account and saw that it had been emptied clean (I think they even licked it!) due to some special device that steals peoples card information and PIN numbers. I was shocked... but strangely calm.

As awful as it is to have something like this happen, I feel a strange freedom. I cannot spend money, even if I wanted to. I have none to spend and even if I did, no working debit card to spend it. I am, in a very weird way, enjoying having to find creative ways to not need money... like using my old train pass to get to work or eating that soup in the back of the cupboard that I have been looking over for months. I realized that with everything I already have, there is very little need for me to run up to the store for something, go to a restaurant, go get gas, go get that cup of coffee (I am loving on the hot chocolate lately!), go see a movie (Mmmm... Books...), etc...

I feel free in knowing that I don't have to spend money. Even further, a freedom in depending on God for everything I need. Sure I might realize there is something I need, but that's where faith comes in and if I model Jesus' prayer of asking for my daily bread, why should I worry? I know I will be taken care of!

"Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, "Who is the LORD?"
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God." - Proverbs 30:7-9

Updates, Food, and Identity Crisis!

I realized (on my own and after having a few people question me on my 'absence') that I haven't blogged in a while! So here are some recent updates!

Rachel update:

She is doing better everyday. In this time (since my last update), she has started speaking and is becoming more aware of everything around her. She is no longer in intensive care, is now in the burn unit at USC, and will hopefully be move to the rehab center in Northridge soon!

Last week, her trach (opening in her neck) was removed and they started swallowing therapy which did not take long at all! In no time, she was eating soups and puddings and even spoon fed herself! God is so good!


Last Friday for work, we had a dinner over at our assistant controller's house in Pasadena. It was so much fun!

The following is the menu we received that morning to taunt us as we waited for the night to come:

Tonight, we drink & wet our appetite on:

Cocktails & Appetizers

Mixed Drinks, Wine, Beer & Soda
Cheese, Fruits & Nuts
Smoked Salmon w/ cream cheese & capers on toast
Grilled Jumbo Prawns w/ garlic butter sauce on toast
Baked Jumbo Scallops wrapped in smoked bacon
Prosciutto on sliced Tuscan melon

Tonite, we dine on:

Dinner

Pasta with clam sauce & mushroom & basil
Grilled Salmon with lime-cilantro sauce
Grilled Rib-eye steak marinated in "secret sauce"
Grilled Tri tip loin steak marinated in "secret sauce"
Steamed Asparagus & baby carrots
Creamed corn
Green salad

Dessert

Leche Flan
Fruit Tart
Coffee

Wow! I couldn't believe it! I felt like I should have been dressed up for such an occasion!

Here are some pics to highlight the evening:

Only a sample of what we ate that night! Mmmmm!

Two of the Chefs: Caesar and Cesar

Can't wait to eat!

Everyone else was posing... I was too busy eating I guess!

Hanging out in the "party" room

Chef #3: Susan, Caesar's wife

Flan makes us feel weird... but very good!

Diving into the dessert! Do you see that spread of food? Mmmm...

We all had tons of fun that night! Got to relax, do our best not to talk about work (so hard!) and enjoyed each others' company as well as the amazing food and beautiful weather!

By the way, for Halloween four of us decided to dress up like two of our coworkers (two dressed up as Kent, our supervisor, and two of us dressed up like Chuck). I dressed up as Chuck... How do you think I did? I, personally, can't see the difference between us! ;)