But I NEED it!

Yesterday my sister and I were sitting in small group. I looked up at the clock when it ended and realized we still had about a half hour until church service started.


"Let's go get Starbucks. I need coffee." I said.

"Jen, you don't NEED it," Courtney replied, convictingly (yes I am making up words) "You just want it." She can be so annoying... (hehe)

"No... I need it!" I protested. But instead of running to my car, I let time pass and I missed my opportunity to get some yummy coffee.



Do I ever really NEED Starbucks? A $4 cup of water filtered through delicious dirt?

Did I really NEED the 4 books I bought the other night?

Do I really NEED to have lunch out every day, those cute shoes at Target, or to go to that really expensive hair stylist instead of Supercuts?



I'm feeling convicted today. And when I feel convicted, I start posting youtube videos that I have already posted 5 times before, but the kick in the head still hurts just as much.

After Hours Update

Written by Jen C

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Sorry for the delay in writing this, there has been so much going on, it is hard to find time to sit and write.


I really just want to give thanks to the Lord for all that He has done and is doing...we have so clearly seen His hand in the last several weeks. I had written before about feeling like we were hitting a wall of sorts in our ministry, well that wall is a crumblin! I really believe it started in prayer several weeks ago. As a team we took time just to seek the Lord and His vision, He began to reveal to us our next steps but He also began to reveal to us things that were hindering. I was strongly convicted of pride, thinking I could do things on my own rather than seeking the Lord. As I and others repented of the sin God had shown us in our hearts and sought Him in prayer, we began to see a breakthrough. We were able to hear Him more clearly and truly many of the walls had come down.

2 Fridays ago we hit the streets again, this time it was just Daryl and I and two new friends from Kansas City, who are being led to start their own outreach. We were so blessed to have them out with us and the Lord (as always) did great things!

2 women in particular really stood out to us: A**** and E**** sadly, what I noticed about both was a sense of hopelessness as if every ounce of hope they might have had was stripped away by the pain they daily endured. Each girl looked as though she was merely a shadow of who she once was or who she was intended to be. I can hardly think of anything more devastating than the loss of hope.

A was very willing to talk and shared some about herself, she had been on the streets for a long time. I gave her all of our information and told her we could help her if she wanted to get off the streets. I then prayed for her and said goodbye. I have said a lot of hard goodbyes in my lifetime but the ones I experience on the street week after week are by far some of the most difficult. Everything in me wants to take the girl with me that instant, so that she will never experience the terror of what has become her life again.

When we approached E I saw the same look that I did in A...hopelessness. We asked her a few questions and then asked if we could pray for her and she said, "pray that I get off these streets". You may think that we commonly hear that but in truth, it is seldom spoken. So, we did pray and told her there was a place we could take her anytime and gave her our number and then without a word she slowly, dejectedly walked away. It was as if she was so hopeless our offer of hope overwhelmed her and not believing it to be possible she became more hopeless even in that instant. My heart broke, as did the rest of team's. We spoke for a few minutes about what the Lord was showing us in that moment and realized we may not have made it perfectly clear that we could help get her off the streets that night. So we piled in the car and drove down to where she was. Daryl rolled down the window and asked her if she wanted to get off the street tonight and she replied by saying "my mom is coming to get me right now". Well, who knows, maybe she did call her mom (although I highly doubt it) but literally just seconds later the police pulled up and stopped her.
We all looked at each other and realized that God had answered us, maybe not in the way we had hoped, but she was going to get off the streets that night.

It is quite common for girls to go to jail and a few days later be back out on the street, my prayer is that in E's case she will not even consider it and will find herself somewhere safe where she can begin a new life. It's not too much to ask, it's not impossible, in fact it is absolutely possible with the Lord and it is His will that she be free. It is God's will that these young women have great hope in Him and that is our heart's desire as well.

Please continue to pray that we would hear from the Lord not just in long term vision but for every single decision, conversation, prayer....everything. We can do nothing apart from Him.

Praise God for all the doors He is opening:
A partnership with the Walter Hoving Home in Pasadena
Our next training class and outreach with Reformation House of Prayer in Los Angeles (December 4th)

She did it again...

Because I don't have facebook anymore (I still LOVE being free from it!), this is the only way I can share things that have been really convicting for me and I can only hope my two followers get something out of it...

Putting down the chocolates...

Psalms and Isaiah

Psalm 12
To the choirmaster: according to The Sheminith. A Psalm of David.

Save, O LORD, for the godly one is gone;
for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man.
Everyone utters lies to his neighbor;
with flattering lips and a double heart they speak.

May the LORD cut off all flattering lips,
the tongue that makes great boasts,
those who say, "With our tongue we will prevail,
our lips are with us; who is master over us?"

"Because the poor are plundered, because the needy groan,
I will now arise," says the LORD;
"I will place him in the safety for which he longs."
The words of the LORD are pure words,
like silver refined in a furnace on the ground,
purified seven times.

You, O LORD, will keep them;
you will guard us from this generation forever.
On every side the wicked prowl,
as vileness is exalted among the children of man.

Psalm 13
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.


Isaiah 12

You will say in that day:"I will give thanks to you, O LORD,
for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
that you might comfort me.

"Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation."

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. 4 And you will say in that day:

"Give thanks to the LORD,
call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim that his name is exalted.

"Sing praises to the LORD, for he has done gloriously;
let this be made known in all the earth.
Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."

DELETED!

In light of my last post (wow did you really need me to link to it? Scroll down lazy!), I decided to kill a snake...


Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling convicted of some things:

1. I'm a bad friend. The 'Hi' 'How ya doin?' and 'Welp, I'm prayin for ya' (while all in passing) just can't be what God intended when He brought His people together to fellowship and encourage one another (Hebrews 10:24-25)

2. I'm a big ugly gossip. Need I say more? :(

3. I'm horrible at managing my time. I have started a new Bible reading plan and it's only made me realize how little time I devote to spending time in God's word. I need more!!

4. I'm prideful. VERY prideful. I constantly have to ask myself when I tell people about the After Hours Ministry (or blog about it): Am I talking about it because I am super excited about what GOD is doing? or to tell people what *I* am doing?? My motivation for sharing things about myself needs to be in constant 'check.'

5. I'm lazy. If something is going to take more effort than a simple task would, I will either procrastinate or just not do it at all.


Interesting that during this time, I would come across this: Social Media and Digital Discernment (It's long... but even 'lazy me' got through it.)


OUCH Pastor! Way to go with the 5 finger death punch to the heart!


That's when I killed my snake: I deleted my facebook. And I feel so FREE! I'm excited what God is going to do with my relationships, my tongue, my time, my pride, and my laziness!

Eww... I think I just threw up in my mouth...

Watch Out For Snakes!

A Few years ago we had a garden snake in our front yard. Luckily I wasn't home for it, but legend says it climbed up our front door trying to get in the house! Gross! For quite a long time after that happened, every time I would leave the house to go to work, my mom would walk me to the door and then yell out as I walked to my car:

"Watch out for snakes!"

It became our family joke... always watching out for snakes. But perhaps there was something prophetic there. Just the other night my mom told me this story that she heard in a sermon...

There was a young woman who bought a snake when it was just a 'baby.' This snake would sleep on a pillow next to her head and then when it started to get bigger, it would sleep at the foot of her bed. 'Snuggles' was her precious pet. One day she took her snake to the vet because he hadn't been eating for about a month or so.

"Have you noticed anything else strange about your snake besides his eating habits?" the vet asked.

"Yes actually" the concerned snake owner explained, "Usually he sleeps at the foot of my bed. Lately I will wake up in the middle of the night and find him stretch out by my side, from my feet all the way to my armpit."

"Kill it"

"What??"

"Kill the snake... now."

"Kill Snuggles? I can't kill Snuggles! Why do I need to kill him?"

"Because," the vet explained, "He is measuring you to see how much bigger he needs to get to eat you."

Thoughts:

EWWWWWW!!! SNAKES!!!
EWWWWWW!!! SNAKES THAT EAT PEOPLE!!!

Once I finally got through the heebie jeebies, my mom talked about the reason this story was told: SIN!

Sin! It's "crouching at your door" (Genesis 4:7)! And it wants to EAT you! Sin... it starts out as something small, something managable, but then it grows to a size where you have only two choices: let it gobble you up in your sleep or kill it.

More thoughts:

EWWWWWW!!! SIN!!!
EWWWWWW!!! SIN THAT EATS PEOPLE!!!


Lessons of the day:

1. Don't have snakes as pets. I mean, really people??

2. "Be killing sin or sin will be killing you." - John Owen

Shopping

Through the process of car shopping this last weekend, I realized there was something uncomfortably familiar about it: It's a lot like 'man shopping.' Like I said, this is going to be really uncomfortable. Bare with me here... I'm going to a 'Marriage Conference for Singles' type thing this weekend so I guess I am just preparing myself for it and it's on the brain. ::shrug::

When shopping for a car, it's all about all the details that we are looking for, what we want, what we don't want, what we are willing to compromise on, and what we are willing to pay for it. And then in the end, it becomes a game. We plan out what we can say to the sales man to get the price lower, he says what he can to make us think the price is better than it is, and then we walk away either with what we wanted because we played our game right, or we walk away empty handed with the hopes that the next day we will receive a phone call from the sales man when he has finally come to his senses and is willing to make a better offer.

What else does that sound like? The dumb dating game. Like a car, we investigate some things:

Year/Mileage - How much life experience has he had? Too much? Too little?
MPG - Is the effort we put into the relationship going to be matched?
Body/color - Is he attractive??
Engine type - What do they believe? What drives them? (You would think religion would be under 'details' but for those of us who are Christians, loving Jesus is not just a detail... it should influence the way the person functions in every way!)
Accessories - We have our negotiables and our non-negotiables. We would like those tinted windows and spinning rims (a neat eater with an amazing beard) but its not enough to get us to walk away. But if there are no power locks or A/C (heart for the poor and a good sense of humor), No Thanks! I'll keep looking!

Price - Then we get to the bottom line. How much of ourselves are we willing to give to this relationship? If the life experience is more than we want, shouldn't we be able to offer less of ourselves? If the beard was included, would we invest a bit more of ourselves?


A game. A game about what we can get for what we give.


And yet, we do the same to Jesus. It's all a game of give-and-take. We tell ourselves its not. We preach against 'prosperity gospel' til we are blue in the face... but we still do the same thing. When our car breaks down, we give Jesus less praise than deserved. When He gives us a new car, we lift our arms in gratitude... because He gave us what we wanted. We seem to think the commandment to praise Him no matter what (Philippians 4:4) is allowed to be tossed out the window when things get tough. We turn our relationship with Christ into just another shopping game, giving only what we think is deserved based on the wants that we get, instead of based on obedience and on what we have already received, which is worth so much more than a dumb car or a guy who can laugh.

Sigh...


Anyway, this was just a long-winded, rabbit-trail way of introducing my cute, practical, low mileage, good mpg, with all the bells and whistles new car! No name yet... any suggestions?

Ode to Fiona

Before you judge me for naming my car, if you are a parent then you have all the fun in the world naming your kids and ruining their lives with the weird name ideas that come into your head. My car is just an inanimate object. Any ridicule for the names I give my cars will only affect me. I could totally judge you with far greater reason if I wanted to, but I won't. But what I will do is continue to name my cars. (Ideas are streaming in now for my new one!)

That said, Fiona got into an accident last week. I was driving out of town for my mini vacation when I suddenly lost control of the car, slammed into the median to my left, and then went spinning across the 4 lanes of the freeway. How did I lose control? Good question. I'd like to know that myself! All I know is by the grace of God I didn't hit anyone, flip over, and no one was hurt. Whew! Well, no one... except... ::tears:: ...Fiona.

Almost 7 years ago, I purchased my first car. As a youngin' in my early 20s, it was time to make my first big purchase. (Look at how skinny I was!)

Over that time of 7 years... wow think about it! 7 years! That's longer than any job I have ever had! That's also a longer period of time than any relationship I have ever had! And let's face it... Fiona has probably suffered much more abuse than any of my boyfriends ever did... ::gulp::

Within that 7 years, I have learned how to become a better driver (or worse... depending on how you look at it... working in LA has ruined me!), I have driven her to and from Valencia, LA, San Diego, and other locations, on a REGULAR basis! I have also stuffed her full of over 30 Treasure Boxes at once (and those things are heavy too!)

She has also listened quietly as I cried my heart out through hurt friendships, lost relationships, broken engagements (well, only one. Thank goodness. Yikes!), and dealt with mean drivers. She kept secrets that no one else knows... oh dear if that girl could talk! Without complaint, she let me use words a sweet Christian girl shouldn't. She knew my sinful nature better than many!

In her last days, she had a lot of repairs needed. But she still brought me to and from work, church, home, etc... regardless of my neglect to fix her problems or clean her.

And now? Now she has been taken away by a tow truck carrying other cars that most likely have the same destiny... sold piece by piece. But me? I will easily move on. I will move on to something younger and better and forget the attachment I had with this lovely girl who wanted to do nothing more than treat me right. Sheesh I sound like a man! (I kid I kid! kinda...)


Goodbye my friend! Hugs and kisses for a car that served me well!

Who do I think I am??

Amidst everything that has been happening lately (which I will update on later... I always say that, but do I ever really? *Oh well*), God has been sprinkling reminders all over the place of His sovereignty, of His promises to take care of me (Matthew 7:11), and of my sinful tendency to lose all faith in Him the second things go differently than I think they should. It's pretty disgusting when it comes down to it.

When my mom told me my car was officially totaled, I panicked, wondering how I would ever get by (I am so stinkin' dramatic...)

But then when I was told about the open doors to get a new car, a weight was lifted and I was jumping and singing...

Shouldn't I have been rejoicing regardless??


Then today my dear friend posted this as her facebook status:

"As Solomon wrote, "For God gives rest to his loved ones" (Psalm 127:2).

And so it is for the person who puts his or her trust in God. When we are worrying, we are really saying that God isn't in control, that God is not paying attention. When we worry, we are not trusting in the providence of God.

And what is the providence of God? It is the belief that God is in control of the universe. And specifically as Christians, it means we believe there are no accidents in our lives. Nothing touches us that has not first passed through His hands.

- Greg Laurie (see full entry Here)

Wow! So true! If I am truly trusting in God with my life, will I still be worrying or stressing? No way! David slept peacefully in the lion's den. Why? Because he trusted in God regardless of His circumstances! If I truly believe that this car accident is a PART of God's plan, not a set back from it, what kind of joy would I have BECAUSE of the accident?


To take it further, I was then reminded me of something Francis Chan wrote in his book, Crazy Love. It's one of my favorite books and this part was one of those that stuck with me because I had never heard it this way before:

"When I am consumed by my problems – stressed out by my life, my family, my job – I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a “right” to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it’s ok to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we’ve been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won’t be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God’s strength, our problems are small, indeed.

Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are?

So when we worry and stress, not only are we showing God that we don't trust Him, but it is actually sinning! We are making our circumstances a bigger god in our lives than the one God who can take care of those circumstances! That's so crazy and humbling!


Jesus, forgive me of my sin of not trusting you. YOU ARE BIGGER!