Fighting Despair

I had one of those moments yesterday when you know you're supposed to say something, not sure exactly how to say it, but you know you have to... and you don't. Instead, you politely nod your head, smile and change the subject. That's what I did.

WHY?

I was so disappointed in myself. I walked away from the situation with a big lump in my throat wanting to cry. I felt like through my silence I had not only missed a wonderful opportunity to share Christ's love in a new way, but through it, I had actually denied him. I couldn't shake it either. I was 'in the depths of despair' in every sense of the word.

BUT God knew I would be reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers (my book for the book club I just joined) and that yesterday's reading would include February 18. Less than an hour after my 'lack of faith' moment, I read this:


"The sense of the irreparable is apt to make us despair, and we say - "It is all up now, it is no use trying any more." If we imagine that this kind of despair is exceptional, we are mistaken, it is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize that we have not done that which we had a magnificent opportunity of doing, then we are apt to sink into despair...There are experiences like this in each of our lives. We are in despair, the despair that comes from actualities, and we cannot lift ourselves out of it."


I'll admit... when I experience something and then a book describes to me EXACTLY what just happened, it freaks me out a little bit. It really does. That is, until I remind myself that God is sovereign over all things, including the book which will come my way and I will end up deciding to read for the month. Then? Then I am comforted beyond belief. God knew I needed to be reminded that He sees our despair and that it will be a normal part of living life as a person who let's God down. And yet, while we are falling in the middle of it:


"Jesus Christ comes and says - 'Sleep on now, that opportunity is lost for ever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the next thing.' [Matthew 26:46] Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ, and go out into the irresistible future with Him."


A reminder I needed. So while I still look upon that moment and cringe and am tempted to kick myself over it, I have to remember to look forward and keeping going.


Arise and do the next thing... Never let the sense of failure corrupt your new action.