Better to give than to Receive?

Taken from Mint.com. Kinda makes you think!


budget planner – Mint.com

Prostitute Outreach - 12/04/09

Last night's outreach was amazing! God definitely prepared the hearts of the people who would be there on the streets. We didn't talk to *a lot* of people, but for the one's we did talk to, we had long meaningful conversations with them. It was as if, in their brokenness, they were just asking us to speak truth into their lives. It was so great!

Our team last night was Jen, Johnny, Lindsay, and I. Laurie had a procedure done on her feet so she had to stay home and rest. Poor thing!

We first came across two girls who were nice and took the bags, but you could tell they were being watched, so we didn't talk to them too long. But it was when we were talking to them that we noticed two men, A****** and H***, across the street. I'm not sure if they were runners or just some guys hanging out, but we decided to go talk to them and give them some pimp tracts.

They both didn't seem super interested in talking, but they didn't seem to mind us being there so we made small talk with the taller one. The other one was really quiet until Lindsay realized he spoke Spanish so she starting talking to him more. (I NEED to learn Spanish!) They talked for a good fifteen minutes, including when she praying with him. I told her afterward that I didn't know what she said, but it sounded good. lol She said that he didn't give a lot of specifics but said he had a lot of things in his life that needed prayer.

One thing that I have struggled with in this ministry is having compassion. I have been able to have compassion for the girls, and even for the pimps, but it is the Johns that I have had the hardest time with. I keep telling myself that if they would just go home to their wives, if there wasn't a 'demand,' there would be no need for the supply of girls. It was last night that I had to confess to God that not only have I never attempted to have compassion for the men, but I have never prayed for it or ask for God to open my eyes to the brokenness in their lives.

One thing Lindsay said that H*** said when she asked him what was on his heart is that he just wants to be loved and to have someone there with him. I thought back to the sadness in his face and all of a sudden, God gave me compassion for these men, without condoning the sin in their lives. We all have God-shaped holes that tell us our lives are meant for more than what they are and that we are meant for love, but as long as we fill that hole with anything but Christ, we will never feel complete.

We took turns getting out of the car to talk to a few other people. Jen and I (yes, the two Jens hehe) got to talk to J**** who had been working the track since 1984! We had never seen her before but she said she just gets out there, makes some money, and then gets out and heads home. She doesn't have a pimp and doesn't like to talk to anyone on the street, but for whatever reason, she felt like she wanted to let us talk to her. She said that, just as people have addictions to gambling, she had an addiction with prostitution. (She mentioned they should have a "prostitutes anonymous" class to help with the addictions... what an idea!) Her sister and her son both sound like they are walking with the Lord and they pray for her and encourage her to leave this life style, all the while loving her. She said she wants out, but needs the strength to do so. She was so sweet; very affectionate and we got to pray with her too. We got her number and gave her Laurie's number. I hope she calls!

It was a really great night. Sometimes I think I am more blessed by it all than anyone who we are reaching out to, but I guess that's how God works... blessing those pouring love as well as the ones being poured into.

Please pray for the team as we try to catch up on sleep (I only slept a few hours last night... too excited?), for Laurie as she is being healed, and for the people we met. Pray that God would continue to work on their hearts! God is so good!

Living Above Reproach - Oswald Remix

Leave it to Oswald Chambers to say so elequently (and in some words that I had to look up!) what I was trying to explore in my question about living above reproach. (Check out his daily devotions on http://www.myutmost.org/)


THE CONSECRATION OF SPIRITUAL ENERGY

"By whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world." Galatians 6:14

If I brood on the Cross of Christ, I do not become a subjective pietist, interested in my own whiteness; I become dominantly concentrated on Jesus Christ's interests. Our Lord was not a recluse nor an ascetic, He did not cut Himself off from society, but He was inwardly disconnected all the time. He was not aloof, but He lived in an other world. He was so much in the ordinary world that the religious people of His day called Him a glutton and a wine-bibber. Our Lord never allowed anything to interfere with His consecration of spiritual energy.

The counterfeit of consecration is the conscious cutting off of things with the idea of storing spiritual power for use later on, but that is a hopeless mistake. The Spirit of God has spoiled the sin of a great many, yet there is no emancipation, no fullness in their lives. The kind of religious life we see abroad to-day is entirely different from the robust holiness of the life of Jesus Christ. "I pray not that Thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that Thou shouldest keep them from the evil." We are to be in the world but not of it; to be disconnected fundamentally, not externally.

We must never allow anything to interfere with the consecration of our spiritual energy. Consecration is our part, sanctification is God's part; and we have deliberately to determine to be interested only in that in which God is interested. The way to solve perplexing problems is to ask - Is this the kind of thing in which Jesus Christ is interested, or the kind of thing in which the spirit that is the antipodes of Jesus is interested?

The Wounded Man

"[Job] says of God, "So Thou dost destroy [man's] hope" (14:19). Job's experience is that of the wounded male, the man who has been wounded by life's misfortune but, being a man of faith, knows that God somehow is behind the misfortune. In this sense, a relationship with God only complicates the problem. The man without faith merely deals with the calamity, but the man of faith must wrestle with God over it... Either way, one is disappointed. But disappointment with God is sometimes more difficult to accept than dealing with suffering without God. Factoring God into the equation only heightens the struggle. " The Masculine Journey by Robert Hicks


First off, don't ask why I am reading this book. LONG story but it was actually recommended to me by someone I trust and it has been amazing how much I have been learning as I read it... about myself, God, others... specifically the men in my life... especially the ones who have had dramatic impact in my life and who I am today, like family members or others I have been/are close to. I am really grateful for this book of 'masculinity.' hehe


This quote hit me pretty hard (as many others in the book have). I thought about how many people I have known who have walked away from their faith when things got too tough to be able to believe in God anymore. And then I think of all those I know who, through tough times, have only grown closer to God during those times and have actually become all the more stronger Christians because of their trials, not regardless of them. It's so amazing to see. And so sad to contrast.

I look at these two opposing reactions of Christians in pain and it seems like there are two things present in the resilient Christian and two things lacking in the one who falls away. I don't know that there is any biblical basis for this (if there is, that's even better!), but I know it wouldn't contradict the Bible and it has remained pretty consistent through what I have experienced.

Those two things are Foundation and Fellowship. The F words of Christianity. Oops! ;)

Foundation: A person with a strong foundation in Christ is one who trusts God regardless of what others say. He is not a Christian just because his family is, because his friends are, or because that's what the church says he should be. He has dug into the Bible and found it to be truth in his life. He knows that calamity may come his way and although no one is ever fully prepared for pain, he knows it will come and he is willing to stand strong throughout it because he knows Jesus is his savior... through it all.

Fellowship: A person with fellowship will stand strong through trials because she has a band of believers who pray for her, encouage her to stay strong, and keep her accountable when she is tempted to walk away. Unlike Job's friends, they will be slow to speak unless God confirms there is something that needs to be said. Otherwise, they will be gentle with their words and love on the struggling Christian the way that Jesus would want them to... ceaselessly!


I think back on the things I have been through, the extreme trials where I have questioned God's intentions as He had "dealt bitterly with me" (Ruth 1:20), and have been tempted to walk away from my faith in Jesus completely because of it. All I can think of then is how thankful I am to God for establishing in me a foundation that no one and nothing can shake... no matter how tempted I have been to turn away, I could never do it. It would be against everything in me to do so. And I am also thankful for fellowship. I am thankful for family members, friends, pastors, and mentors who have loved me through trials and have continuously fed me reminders of God's faithfulness when I have needed it. And of course I am thankful for Jesus who provides it all... the foundation, the fellowship, and for the trials themselves. They have made me who I am today.

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:10

Ironic that a post written on Thanksgiving would end in thankfulness to the only One who truly deserves it? Nah. Not ironic. More than appropriate, in fact!

Living Above Reproach

"He has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him" - Colossians 1:22

"Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach..." - 1 Timothy 3:2

"if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined." - Titus 1:6-8


The Bible talks a lot about living a life that is above reproach. But what does that mean? Does that mean not doing anything that could be rebuked in any way or by any person? Do we sometimes make up extra rules that are not Biblical (legalism?) to ensure that no one could criticize a thing that we do? And if we do, are we then hindering the work that God could be wanting to do through us?

In many ways, Jesus was not above reproach to our standards...

"And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?" - Mark 2:15-16

At that moment, Jesus was being rebuked. Granted, not for the right reasons, but in the Pharisees' minds, and maybe even his disciples' minds, he was not above reproach.

Perhaps, in our venture to live holy lives, we have jumped too far. We have turned something that God can use for good, and turned it into a situation that could be the 'appearance of evil' so we then don't act on the things we feel like God could be leading us to do.

So I guess my goal is to define what it means, and doesn't mean, to live above reproach. I want to get back down to basics. I don't want to live in fear of what something could look like to others and in the process miss out on God's mission for me.

Prostitute Outreach - 11/20/09

This is a repost of a note about last night's outreach... so amazing! I wasn't out with them last night but I did have the privilege to eat (pizza and killer salsa!) and pray with everyone beforehand. I second what Laurie says in this note that prayer is THE MOST important part of this! Without prayer and without God's guidance, we would be a mess out there on the streets, in our families, our relationships... everything! and next important thing is the fellowship. The more I get to know my brothers and sisters, the more I feel safe and unified with them and I know they have my back and they know I have theirs. We also can trust each other that we are all going to God in prayer as we follow God's leading. God is so good!


The Team (minus a few very important members... someday we will get a picture of ALL of us! hehe):




Anyway, here is Laurie's note... enjoy!! You will be so blessed by it!!

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LAST NIGHT'S AWESOME PROSTITUTE OUTREACH!!!

by Laurie Ishii

Wow. I'm still recovering from last night. Lol!!! Yesterday was a very long day/night. I went to lunch with a friend and she dropped me off at another friend's house we were proceeded to go all around town, last stop being Home Depot and then home right before everyone was coming over for pizza, gift bag's and prayer!

Our time of prayer was such a blessing (as well as the food and fellowship of course). This is my own personal belief but it's my heart to do more than just go out on outreach/ministry. I believe for us to be a tighter knit group, or "family" that it is important to have fellowship (and food of course lol) so that we can get to know each other outside of just doing ministry. Basically, we are putting our lives on the line every time we go out on the street in the middle of the night - it is important that we are in unity, even be willing to lay our lives down for one another out there.

There are a number of people that we meet and pray for as well as pray for each other - and we also do a lot of praying during the week, either together in person or on the phone. PRAYER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, THE "LAUNCHING PAD" OF EVERYTHING WE DO. :)

Last night after praying and making gift bags, we headed out.

We got on the track around 11pm. We didn't see girls right away, but it wasn't long before we noticed one here, another there, standing against a wall in the shadows or on a dim lit corner.

The first girls we approached were S*** and T****** walking an adorable stray doggie one of them had found. Ar first they looked at us very sceptically, S*** may have even appeared a bit scared. We introduced ourselves and when we asked them if we could pray for them, they both said YES! So we all held hands and prayed together. We gave them gift bags and they thanked us.

There were quite a few girls we saw after that while driving up and down the track but there were a few that really "stood out" - because either we got to connect with and/or pray with them.

There was Cr****, who said that she was 22 but did NOT look that old and who also looked about 4-5 months pregnant. I asked her if she had a pimp and she said he was her boyfriend, that she was "different from the other ho's because they don't get to keep their money. I get to keep my money. I just bought a house." Sad. She did say that eventually she wanted to stop turning tricks; she said something about hoping that having a house would change things... she let us pray for her before we parted ways.

As we walked down the street, we noticed a guy standing on the sidewalk (obviously a pimp by the way he was dressed and his "croc's" - shoes). There were girls across the street and a runner "spitting" at them. We approached this man, A****** and handed him a pimp track. We introduced ourselves (it was me, Everett and Lindsey) and I felt compelled to tell A****** that God didn't call him to be pimping, in the game... I can't remember exactly what I said but basically told him he was created for destiny, to be a leader, that he is leading people in the wrong direction and that he is to be a world changer and to lead people in a positive way. I asked him if he knew Jesus and he said he didn't - all three of us (Lindsey, Everett and I) went on to tell him how much Jesus loves him, he died for him, how God wants a personal relationship with him etc.

It was awesome!!! The Lord was totally ministering to A****** and we must have talked to him for at least 20 minutes or more. He shared with us that he wanted to be a professional comedian one day - he was always funny growing up but that his dad beat him whenever he cracked a joke and it kind of quenched his dream... he said that it seems like every time he starts to get somewhere or move forward something happens to mess it up... he said that he was supposed to go to Hollywood but instead he ended up on the track... I said "That's because God wanted us to talk to you!!!!"

We were able to pray with A****** and we could tell that he was very touched. The crazy thing about the whole thing is that there were girls all around us - I mean, for this guy to let us talk to him, to let us PRAY FOR HIM IN FRONT OF THE PROSTITUTES... that is humbling! Everett even overheard a girl say something about us talking to A****** about Jesus!!!

What an awesome, DIVINE appointment!!! A****** knows a lot of the same guys (pimps) I still talk to on the phone every now and then - they older "mack" pimps. We exchanged numbers and he even said he might check out church when he's in town again. (He's from outta state).

It is also awesome to know that Jen and Johnny are in the car interceding for us while we are talking to people.

The next ladies we saw were across the street from A******, two were standing by the bus stop, another sitting on the bus bench. We asked them if we could bless them with a gift bag, and one of the ladies standing said, "No, we don't want nothing from you guys, what are you doing out here anyway, you need to go away etc." She was pretty angry. :(

The lady sitting on the bench said, "You don't have to be mean to them, they're being nice - I'll take one" and stuck her hand out. The angry lady said, "Oh, you're out here to bless the ho's." She looked at us with disdain and I looked at her in the eye and said, "I WAS A HO. I love you and we want you ladies to know that Jesus loves you and you are special to Him. Please let us give you this small gift and bless you" handing her a gift bag. She kind of made a frown and said, "Well, I guess I can take one for my kid." :) (Yay! Praise God!)

After that we drove around a bit more and one of the girls we call "America's Next Top Model" (because she's so strikingly beautiful) had been texting me off and on through the night and we wanted to see her but she wasn't going to be out until 2am. Then a friend of mine who I am praying so hard for to come to know Jesus - he text me and man, he needs a lot of prayer, the enemy is really trying to keep him from coming to Jesus, beating him up with guilt, shame and condemnation. Anyway we saw another girl and this time Jen C, Lindsey and Everett went to talk to her while Johnny and I stayed in the car and I texted back and forth between two people at the same time. (Multi-tasking lol) Jen didn't turn the car or the lights off and after about 15-20 minutes a police car shined a spotlight on us! Lol.

I got out of the car and they asked what we were doing, I told them that we were just waiting for our friends who were talking with a girl about Jesus on the corner. The cop in the passenger seat said, "Well you guys are gonna get run up by some gang bangers if you don't turn your car off." I was so into what I was doing texting that i didn't even realize the car was still running!

It was great though, Jen, Lindsey and Everett were able to talk and pray with a woman, Sh**** who had just gotten out of prison and she was crying and they exchanged numbers.

By this time, my bladder was about to explode and we got back on the freeway and headed towards home. :) The whole night was amazing, the Lord is moving in such a powerful way and it is so encouraging to see people's lives touched!

The first time we saw the girl we call "America's Next Top Model" - she wouldn't even talk to us. She took a gift bag from us but didn't say a word - she almost looked like she'd start crying. The next time we saw her, she said that she'd read my story (tract) and was surprised that I used to be a prostitute. We exchanged numbers and now we text quite often - this morning we talked on the phone. We know that this young lady is going to come to Christ!

Serving Jesus is the most exciting, REWARDING life there is. Don't get me wrong, we may not see immediate rewards - but our treasures are stored in heaven. Just seeing something as small as a girl going from not talking to us to saying hi or taking a gift bag from us after weeks of having her not acknowledge us is a big thing!!! It may seem like a small thing to some but to us it is great progress! :)

What a privilege it is to know Jesus.

Singles Anonymous

Hi. My name is Jen. And I am a single.


Whew! So glad to finally have that out there. It's not like it wasn't written across my forehead, right?


After working for a bit of time now in LA and coming from living in Simi Valley where there were more single people in my life than married people, I had forgotten there is another world in a far far place (called Lancaster) where people get married a lot earlier and have kids at a much younger age also. There is nothing wrong with that... not at all... but for those of us, especially in our (late!) twenties or older (wow I feel old), who haven't been "lucky enough yet" to have found "The One," we singles end up looking more like science projects to the rest. Poke Poke. Prod Prod.



Why do people always feel the need to point out the obvious, but in the form of a question? Is it supposed to not seem as intrusive if it is asked rather than stated? Like if I were to say to someone:

"Say, how's the mole on your face?"

Is that better than plainly pointing and laughing? Maybe...

Ok no but really... what's with the "How's your love life?" question? If you do 'have a love life,' I suppose it is an easy conversation to hold. But what if you don't? Most people don't settle for the "I am in love with Jesus!" answer, even though that should be MORE than sufficient...

So, you wanna know about MY love life, huh? What's with the whole singleness gig, huh?

Ok so here goes...

I don't mind being single.

GASP!!!

I know I know. But hang in there with me. It's not that I don't want to be 'un-single' someday. But, most of the time, when I am not comparing myself to others or concerned about my ever decreasing egg count (I'm a nerd, I know. My brain works strangely.), I have learned to more than embrace where God has me in my life. Here is why:

(I always end up making lists... what's with that??)

1. I can do what I want. I know that sounds selfish but it is so fun being about to take off when I want to go hang out with friends, go visit a church, go to another town for the weekend, etc... WITHOUT having to make sure my boyfriend/husband doesn't already have plans for us.

2. Not only can I do what I want, I have the choice to do what I don't want to do. What?? Explanation: There are times when unexpected things come up... a friend ends up in a hospital, a person needs help moving, someone needs help with their rent. These are things that I wouldn't necessarily want to have to do compared to other things, but if it is needed, I want to be right there without anyone wondering if I will be there, be able to count on me, or not. I want people to be able to "expect" me to be there... no matter what.

*Sorry peoples... but I am not falling into that "single people have no commitments so they are allowed to be flaky" trap... not cool*

3.Ummm... have you smelled diapers lately? Have you smelled MEN lately? Eek! ;)

4. This is where God has me. I look at all He has been doing lately through the prostitute ministry and doors He is opening here, and it gets me thinking. I have no doubt that He could choose to do these things through me even if I was married, but where I stand right now, would I want to trade any of this for something else? If this is where God wants me, as a single, then how dare I tell God His plan isn't good enough? His plan is more than good enough... It is perfect!

I get the feeling I will one day write a sequel to this blog because God always shows me new reasons why He has me single... but for now...


So there you have it. Go ahead and ask me about my love life all you want. I am in love with a man who loves me more than ANY man on Earth EVER WILL! He DIED for me! So yes... I have an amazing love life. He is all I need.

To all my readers... the two of you...

Write it Down!

I know I have been blogging a lot lately. Don't get TOO used to it. It's just a fluke...


I sometimes complain about being in Lancaster. I guess I need to explain now why God has finally convinced me to stop the complaining and rejoice over my return ;)


A few weeks ago, I met this girl, Kristin, at our college group. She has been a missionary teacher abroad for quite a few years and is now back here for a while. As we were talking, she asked what I did and I told her about the prostitute ministry and how I hoped to someday start one here in Lancaster. She looked at me weird and said she just met a lady two days before who was asking her if she knew anyone who would want to go out and talk to the people on the streets of Lancaster with her. Umm... what are the chance of that? so I excitedly gave Kristin my number so she could give it to this lady who I knew nothing about, but I just had a feeling... ;)

Last Sunday, I got a phone call from a lady named Debbie. She was the one whom Kristin had met. I started telling her about the ministry I am in and she was telling me about her heart for the lost in Lancaster. That day I was about to head to LA to go to another training class for the After Hours ministry (which I had to speak at!! whoa!! That might be another blog I have to write... LOL) and invited her to come, but she couldn't make it. So we made plans to meet for dinner on Thursday.

But in this phone conversation, she mentioned wanting to start a home of some sorts. Whether it was for girls only, or another homeless shelter (there is only one that we know of around here... and it is small... and kinda smelly...), she didn't know. But ever since Sunday, I had been thinking about it and that Thursday morning, the morning of my meeting her, I had decided I wanted to start writing down ideas for our possible ministry and/or home. Not only ideas, but what I knew God would want to do with it. It was as if I would be planning it out, without a building, in faith that, if it's His will, God would provide the building if I step out in faith and start 'planning.' I don't usually think stuff like that. I'm not exactly a prophet. LOL But something in me said to start writing things out in faith that something would happen.

Thursday night we met at Panera Bread and immediately she took out her Bible. She told me God had her up at 4am yesterday praying for me and He gave her a verse for me (Isaiah 61:1-3) which she wrote out on a card and laminated for me. So sweet. She then pulled out a notepad with other verses she had come across that morning. One was Habakkuk 2:2-3:

"Write the vision;
make it plain on tablets,
so he may run who reads it.
For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
it will surely come; it will not delay."

WHOA! Write it down?? It will surely come?? Crazy! Just as she had come across that verse and was praying for me, that very morning I had the idea to start writing things down... wow...

She then turned the next page and she had a whole page filled with ideas for a home/shelter!


AND THEN!! Here's the best part. Oh Lord, if this isn't confirmation, please show me!

She mentioned that she went to the Dream Center in LA and went through discipleship program there. I said that the lady I do ministry with went through the same program... Laurie Ishii. She almost fell off her chair. They knew each other!! For years and years! What a small world is that?? I mean seriously... what are the chances that I would meet an ex-junkie/prostitute in Hollywood through a friend in Simi and then 6 months later meet an ex-druggie from Huntington Beach in Lancaster who know each other?? So cool!!

Needless to say, I am a little jazzed! I dunno what God is going to do through this and what He will actually lead Debbie and I to do, but even still, things are slowly falling into place and every day God gives me another glimpse as to why the AV is where He truly wants me. :)

Waging War

More lyrics. I know, I know... I post lyrics a lot. But this is an awesome song. Trust me ;)

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Waging War
by Cece Winans


Anoint my head
Anoint my feet
Send your angels raining down
Here on the battle ground
For your glory
Were taking territory
Fighting unseen enemies
Like never before
Were Waging War

(Bridge)
I’m tired of principalities
Messing with me
(Waging war)
I’m tired of the devil
Stealing from me
(Waging war)
I promise he won’t get
One more thing
(Waging war)
I’m taking it back
Taking territory
(Waging war)

I’m ready for the battle
I’m ready to win
(Waging war)
My weapon of power
He lives within
(Waging war)
I cant be defeated
The enemy's gotta flee
(waging war)
I’m taking it back
Taking territory


Going into battle
Going into battle
Going into battle

Be my sword
Be my shield
As we claim the victory
Over the enemy
In your name
You rule and reign
Never being defeated
Anymore
Were waging war

(Go back to bridge)


(Bridge 2)
Fire by night
Cloud by day
A strong tower
Send the latter rain
Lion of Judah
Lord, God,
Mighty In battle
Since you did
It back then
We know you’ll do
It again

Going into battle
Going into battle
Going into battle

A Unique Language

It seems I have this thing for music. Especially worship music. *Especially* Hillsong worship music. It has this affect on me to where it makes me cry or makes me really happy. If I am at a place where God wants to break me, His praises complete the brokenness in me. Or if I am broken, the words comfort me.

But whether it is worship music or not, God still speaks to me through it. It's His own creative way of catching us off guard and bringing us to a place to where we have no choice but to think about Him. Mmm... I love music.

So today on my way out to pick up my coworker for work, I was listening to... *what*... yes you guessed it: Hillsong worship music. And this song came on that hit me. It said in it's chorus:

Yes, I love you More Than Life
Oh, I love you More Than Life

Whoa. I started to belt it out but then I had to stop and ask myself:

Do I love Jesus *More Than Life*???

What would that look like to love Jesus more than life? How would my life look as a whole? How would it look on a day to day basis? Would I worry? Would I get stressed out about situations? Would I fill my life with distractions, friends, food, hiking, new relationships, girls nights, instead of spending time with Him when I need a comforter or a companion? Can I truthfully and whole heartedly sing to Jesus that I love Him *More Than Life*?

Not sure. I have to think, evaluate, and pray about that question. But until then, I am going to work on making my life look more and more like that. And during that time, I will go ahead and belt those words out, with faith that the more I focus on Him and His praises, the more He will make those words true in me.

And until then, I will keep listening to my music and letting God speak through it. Mmm... music.

Lover or Prostitute?

Laurie sent this to me a few months ago but I was thinking about it today so I thought I'd post it. A VERY good read even though it's long ;)


Lover or Prostitute? The Question that Changed My Life

by David Ryser

A number of years ago, I had the privilege of teaching at a school of ministry. My students were hungry for God, and I was constantly searching for ways to challenge them to fall more in love with Jesus and to become voices for revival in the Church. I came across a quote attributed most often to Rev. Sam Pascoe. It is a short version of the history of Christianity, and it goes like this: Christianity started in Palestine as a fellowship; it moved to Greece and became a philosophy; it moved to Italy and became an institution; it moved to Europe and became a culture; it came to America and became an enterprise.

Hand raised, Some of the students were only 18 or 19 years old–barely out of diapers–and I wanted them to understand and appreciate the import of the last line, so I clarified it by adding, “An enterprise. That’s a business.” After a few moments Martha, the youngest student in the class, raised her hand. I could not imagine what her question might be. I thought the little vignette was self-explanatory, and that I had performed it brilliantly. Nevertheless, I acknowledged Martha’s raised hand, “Yes, Martha.” She asked such a simple question, “A business? But isn’t it supposed to be a body?” I could not envision where this line of questioning was going, and the only response I could think of was, “Yes.” She continued, “But when a body becomes a business, isn’t that a prostitute?”

The room went dead silent. For several seconds no one moved or spoke. We were stunned, afraid to make a sound because the presence of God had flooded into the room, and we knew we were on holy ground. All I could think in those sacred moments was, “Wow, I wish I’d thought of that.” I didn’t dare express that thought aloud. God had taken over the class.

Martha’s question changed my life. For six months, I thought about her question at least once every day. “When a body becomes a business, isn’t that a prostitute?” There is only one answer to her question. The answer is “Yes.” The American Church, tragically, is heavily populated by people who do not love God. How can we love Him? We don’t even know Him; and I mean really know Him.

What do I mean when I say “really know Him?” Our understanding of knowing and knowledge stems from our western culture (which is based in ancient Greek philosophical thought). We believe we have knowledge (and, by extension, wisdom) when we have collected information. A collection of information is not the same thing as knowledge, especially in the culture of the Bible (which is an eastern, non-Greek, culture). In the eastern culture, all knowledge is experiential. In western/Greek culture, we argue from premise to conclusion without regard for experience–or so we think.

An example might be helpful here. Let us suppose a question based upon the following two premises: First, that wheat does not grow in a cold climate and second, that England has a cold climate. The question: Does wheat grow in England? The vast majority of people from the western/Greek culture would answer, “No. If wheat does not grow in a cold climate and if England has a cold climate, then it follows that wheat does not grow in England.” In the eastern culture, the answer to the same question, based on the same premises, most likely would be, “I don’t know. I’ve never been to England.” We laugh at this thinking, but when I posed the same question to my friends from England, their answer was, “Yes, of course wheat grows in England. We’re from there, and we know wheat grows there.” They overcame their cultural way of thinking because of their life experience. Experience trumps information when it comes to knowledge.

A similar problem exists with our concept of belief. We say we believe something (or someone) apart from personal experience. This definition of belief is not extended to our stockbroker, however. Again, allow me to explain. Suppose my stockbroker phones me and says, “I have a hot tip on a stock that is going to triple in price within the next week. I want your permission to transfer $10,000 from your cash account and buy this stock.” That’s a lot of money for me, so I ask, “Do you really believe this stock will triple in price, and so quickly?” He/she answers, “I sure do.” I say, “That sounds great! How exciting! So how much of your own money have you invested in this stock?” He/she answers, “None.” Does my stockbroker believe? Truly believe? I don’t think so, and suddenly I don’t believe, either. How can we be so discerning in the things of this world, especially when they involve money, and so indiscriminate when it comes to spiritual things? The fact is, we do not know or believe apart from experience. The Bible was written to people who would not understand the concepts of knowledge, belief, and faith apart from experience. I suspect God thinks this way also.

So I stand by my statement that most American Christians do not know God–much less love Him. The root of this condition originates in how we came to God. Most of us came to Him because of what we were told He would do for us. We were promised that He would bless us in life and take us to heaven after death. We married Him for His money, and we don’t care if He lives or dies as long as we can get His stuff. We have made the Kingdom of God into a business, merchandising His anointing. This should not be. We are commanded to love God, and are called to be the Bride of Christ–that’s pretty intimate stuff. We are supposed to be His lovers. How can we love someone we don’t even know? And even if we do know someone, is that a guarantee that we truly love them? Are we lovers or prostitutes?

I was pondering Martha’s question again one day, and considered the question, “What’s the difference between a lover and a prostitute?” I realized that both do many of the same things, but a lover does what she does because she loves. A prostitute pretends to love, but only as long as you pay. Then I asked the question, “What would happen if God stopped paying me?”

For the next several months, I allowed God to search me to uncover my motives for loving and serving Him. Was I really a true lover of God? What would happen if He stopped blessing me? What if He never did another thing for me? Would I still love Him? Please understand, I believe in the promises and blessings of God. The issue here is not whether God blesses His children; the issue is the condition of my heart. Why do I serve Him? Are His blessings in my life the gifts of a loving Father, or are they a wage that I have earned or a bribe/payment to love Him? Do I love God without any conditions? It took several months to work through these questions. Even now I wonder if my desire to love God is always matched by my attitude and behavior. I still catch myself being disappointed with God and angry that He has not met some perceived need in my life. I suspect this is something which is never fully resolved, but I want more than anything else to be a true lover of God.

So what is it going to be? Which are we, lover or prostitute? There are no prostitutes in heaven, or in the Kingdom of God for that matter, but there are plenty of former prostitutes in both places. Take it from a recovering prostitute when I say there is no substitute for unconditional, intimate relationship with God. And I mean there is no palatable substitute available to us (take another look at Matthew 7:21-23 sometime). We must choose.

Family Ties

I have always known I have a great family. I don't usually need too many reminders. But I guess God thought I need an extra reminder just in case I was starting to forget.

A few nights ago we had a strange situation that brought us all a little bit of anxiety. But through it, we were able to come together as a family, biological family and spiritual family, and face it together. It was neat to experience and see how each person handled it differently but all for the sake of protecting each other.

I am thankful for my family: My parents, siblings, sibling-in-law, in-law family, niece and nephew, as well as my siblings in Christ. God has brought us all together, as nutty of a bunch as we are, to be a team... a team which, through our love for each other, brings God all the more glory. Thank you Jesus!

Making Trouble

Not me... Mark Driscoll. I like when I can put the blame on other people for stating so eloquently what I have always thought. And the fact that it's from a Godly man gives me even more credibility when someone gets mad at me ;)

Yesterday, Mark put up a facebook status saying:

Mark Driscoll: taking the boys out for some indoor professional baseball coaching for our guy time. Boys who don’t do sports tend to sit around playing video games eating junk, making trouble & getting diagnosed with some disorder when they need to exercise, compete, be on a team, & learn to win & lose.

After many, many comments on it... some agreeing and others arguing with what he said, he added an additional comment to it:

"It's a proven fact kids spend more time in front of the tv than in the classroom by the time they graduate high school. Throw in video games, computers, gameboys, iphones and the like and check the stats for childhood obesity and you'd be hard pressed to say unplugging and exercising would not be a good idea. We've got elementary kids getting heart surgery for the first time ever. Toss in the junk food, caffeine, and jr high kids drinking energy drinks like water and you've got a crisis. Since half my church works at Microsoft and I type for hours a day I'm not opposed to technology, but without some exercise it's deadly and kids are setting a pattern of illness that will plague them. For the neatnicks who want a verse, how about that Jesus grew in stature and we're supposed to be good stewards of the body which is God's Temple? Me, I've been guilty of not getting my exercise and rather than defending myself I hit the gym as an act of repentance and when I do it's an act of worship. I don't care if the kids, run, swim, play a sport, practice a martial art - whatever."

Thanks Pastor. Nuff said.

Anyone can say what they want, but I know how I will live my life and how my kids (Lord willing) will be raised.

Stubborn? Me? Nah.

God and I have talks every so often... and they always end up the same way. Here is the most recent we have had that has been continuous and has repeated itself over the last few months or so.

Me: God... what do you have planned for me?
God: Look over there.
Me: No.
God: Don't you want to know what I have planned?
Me: It can't be that. I'll go do this instead.

God: How did your plans work out?
Me: Awful.
God: How about you look over there this time?
Me: No. I'm sure my next go at this will be better.

God: How'd it go this time?
Me: Awful. Again. But there's always this other thing I would like to try.
(This repeats about a million times. Then one day...)

God: You sure you don't want to look over there?
Me: Ok let's look. You did create the universe, didn't you? But if it doesn't work, don't tell me I didn't say so.

Me: God. :::on knees::: Wow. Thank you.

The End.

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
but the LORD weighs the heart." - Proverbs 21:2

The fear/joy/happiness... and blogging... comes full circle

A year ago I finally agreed to starting a blog as a way of presenting prayer requests. Rachel was in the Chatsworth train accident on September 12, 2008. It was the weirdest weekend...

I would usually ride the train, but that day I drove because I went to a concert at the Greek that night. During the concert I received tons of text message from people trying to make sure I was okay, but because of the bad service up in Griffith Park, I could not respond to any of them. Being the selfish person I am (and being unaware of the severity of the accident), I felt annoyed at the text-disturbances during the concert. When I finally had service after I left the show, I called my mom so she knew I was okay and decided I would text people back in the morning.

It didn't even occur to me that Rachel could have been on that train.

A year later, I look back on that day, and the day after which was spent entirely in the hospital waiting room as we all waited to find out what would happen next to our friend and the other survivors there. The coming weeks were filled with visits to the hospital, trying to find ways to get food to the family, and trying to help relieve people of their nights spent at the hospital also. It was strange... like a Twilight Zone episode... but, it was also something else. Amidst all the fear of wondering what would happen to Rachel and slowly seeing her progress, it was also... amazing. As a family, my brothers' and sisters' faith and dedication to each other were tested. God worked through everyone in ways I have never seen before. It felt like, for the first time, I understood what it meant to be a Christian living in a purpose-filled community with others.

I find myself now in a place where... well... we don't exactly have that. Some people long for it, but many don't. It was different for me then to have it, but now it is so strange to be without it. I miss intimacy and comradery with my brothers and sisters.

Lord you brought me back here for a purpose. Let my memories of what brought your family of believers in Simi Valley together a year ago be what continues to fuel my love for You and you people today.

Last Night's Outreach!

Coping and Pasting again. Hey... it's the thought that counts right? ;)

My turn to blog about the outreach again! Yay!

We wanted to make it an earlier night than usual so Jen, Johnny and I met up around Laurie's around 9. We had the weirdest experience driving out to the 7-11 as we had traffic literally stopped for ten minutes for... bicycles. A LOT of them. We approximated about 200. It was nuts! They just kept coming! I am kicking myself now for not grabbing my camera because it was quite a sight. My silly love for Pollyanna then had me quoting, "Two hundred bicycles! Four hundred Chinese lanterns!" ...it was funnier in my head. Oh well... ;)

We got to 7-11 and our doorman was back. I feel like I haven't seen him in a long time so it made me especially happy and encouraged to see him there. We got coffee and prayed for God to go before us tonight, for divine appointments, for Laurie, Daryl, and Julia who weren't with us, and of course, for the bicyclists to be safe.

At the track, things were very slow. We drove up and down the track three times and saw a total of four girls, and got to talk to two.

The first girl was I***** who looked like she might be pregnant, or it was just the dress. She said she has been out there for a year and before had herself on craiglist. She said she told herself she would only be out there for a year so this was her last night. She looked excited when she said it but we could tell she was scared and unsure even as she said it. A runner walked by to ask her if she was doing ok. I racked my brain for a few minutes trying to figure out where I had seen him before. It was M******* whom we had met almost two months ago, my first time out. Daryl was given a word of knowledge for him about going back to school to be an electrician. I***** had said she didn't work for a pimp but just had some guys who watched her, but once I figured out where I knew M******* from, I doubted it.

We saw another girl on a payphone and she didn't look too happy. We decided to walk up and hand her a bag, just in case she was just acting like she was on the phone. I had actually seen her before too my first night. I don't remember her name but she stuck out to me because of her glass eye. She took the bag and then as soon as she got off the phone, she took off down a side street.

At one point we parked and just started walking. There was a Spanish church having service on a corner and it sounded like so much fun! About a block down we saw a girl so we went to go talk to her. S*** said she had been out there a few years now. She was sweet and told us to be careful out there on the streets. When we asked if there was anything specific we could pray for, she said a change in her life.

Sometimes when we pray with girls, they are so distracted or scared or something, that they don't really seem to listen to anything we are praying. They are watching for johns or their pimp, or whoever. S***, on the other hand, was intently praying with us and said amen to agree with things being said as we prayed. Afterward she made some sort of comment about staying close to Jesus. It is humbling when you realize that we ourselves can know Jesus and have an intimate relationship with him, and yet we can all fall into sin so easily and so fast. We all need His grace.

The last girl we saw was walking super fast down the street. We pulled over to decide if we should try to turn around and race far ahead of the street from her so we could catch her. Right then she was stopped by a car. We got out and watched and prayed that she wouldn't get in. She did. I think that's the most heart breaking thing we can witness when we go out at night.

Whether it's 15 girls... or 4... it is still a fruitful night. God had us out at that time and place for a reason... for I***** and S*** if not for anyone else. Even if we only talked to one girl the whole night, it is still worth it.

The War We Fight

“I had been extremely miserable in adolescence, miserable from its very onset, and as I prayed to You [God] for the gift of chastity I even pleaded, ‘Grant me chastity and self-control, but please not yet.’ I was afraid that You might hear me immediately and heal me forthwith of the morbid lust which I was more anxious to satisfy than to snuff out.”
(Augustine, The Confessions 1997, Book 8, paragraph 17)

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Friday night during Outreach, we met a man on the street named Andre. He was riding around on a bike with headphones on and flashing light type buttons all his shirt. I don't remember if he said he was homeless or not. When we asked him where he lived, he pointed to a random corner so I wasn't sure if he meant the houses near it, or the vacant lot.

Either way, we started talking to him and he was a very sweet man. He said he is on crack but that he only takes what he can get and then goes to bed (a night cap?) He started talking about Jesus and how he knows that God is real and that He can save us from anything, even drug addiction. He said he puts no blame on God whatsoever for his situation and knows that he is just following his flesh, instead of what the Spirit would lead him to do.

This hit me for a few reasons:

* He doesn't blame God. He takes full responsibility for his actions. How often have I shook my fist at the sky because of something I don't agree with that is happening? And all to realize later, if I had only followed Christ through the situation, perhaps things wouldn't have happened that way.

* He knows God could save him from his life and his addiction, but he still chooses that life anyway. This made me think of the quote from above where Augustine says, "Grant me chastity and self-control, but please not yet." That's exactly what Andre is praying as he preaches to himself about the life he lives, but won't let God change it! How often have I done THAT? Too many times to count! and for the same reason: "I was afraid that You might hear me immediately and heal me forthwith of the morbid lust which I was more anxious to satisfy than to snuff out." I was afraid... that God might answer my prayers and would heal me of whatever 'addiction' I had... when I was not yet ready to give up the temporary pleasures that these addictions brought.

I found myself in a place recently that I had purposely kept myself in for over a year. I had prayed at times "Oh Lord! Help me! Give me the strength to walk away from this so I can glorify You with my life!" But instead of following through with the prayer by faithfully confessing my sins, getting accountability, changing my life habits with God's strength, I instead kept turning back to that sin... and decided this was just too big for God to get me out of. But when it gets down to it, I knew deep down inside that God could bring me out of it... but I didn't want him to. And even when he finally did bring me out, I, at first, had remorse for finally letting God work through me.

How do we get there? How do Andre and I find ourselves at a place to where we actually don't WANT God to do what He does? Where closeness with our Lord, only possible with a repentant heart from habitual sin, is not our first desire? Where we choose our sin and pleasure that we KNOW is temporary OVER the peace and eternal rewards of walking with Jesus?

I know why. The Bible says it clearly...

"For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells within my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

-Romans 7:22-24



(Picture taken by my talented sister Courtney. Doesn't it perfectly illustrate the truth of this scripture?)

Copy and Paste! (My cheater blog)

Everytime after we do Outreach, Laurie would write a blog about everything that happened. We decided to start 'sharing the load' and taking turns writing the blogs. Here is the one I wrote from when we went out Friday night (two nights ago).

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Hey guys! I just got home but I am not even tired even after my hour drive so I am gonna write about the outreach now that it's still fresh... but if I ramble or it doesn't make sense, it's almost 3am so grace please! ;)

Oh and if I forget anything, please feel free to add to it Laurie and Johnny! (I'll tag more people tomorrow when I am more awake too! hehe)

Laurie and I had dinner as I work in town so soon after, we met with Johnny at Laurie's place at ten and headed out. We did our routine of getting coffee at the 7-11 (sadly didn't see our usual 'doorman') and then prayed in the parking lot. Johnny showed us the jewelry he made too for us to give to the girls. Very nice! We prayed for divine appointments, for the people who weren't able to join us in ministry tonightt, prayer requests on our hearts, and also for all the hearts who were at the Harvest Crusade tonight and will be the next two nights (I am going tomorrow and Johnny is also volunteering there! Fun!)

We were lucky with no traffic on our way to the track but when we got there... no girls! We drove up and down the track once and saw maybe three girls spread out. We drove it up and down again and even they were gone. We went back to the Shell station to pray... and then Johnny bought a taco from the roach coach (see Johhny? Told you I would mention your dinner!) We talked to a couple guys standing around there (we saw one of them buy drugs off another guy on a bike... plain as day)... they kept saying we looked like cops. That made me laugh when I looked at Laurie's beautiful purple hair and I pictured my klutzy self with a gun. LOL

We started driving the track again... and there were more girls than we could count! They must have all been dropped off at once. We parked and came across Michelle whom Laurie, Jen and Johnny had met two weeks ago. Super sweet and we prayed with her about a friend and a guy, S*** and P*** who are addicted to drugs and alcohol.

We talked to ALOT of girls... we kind of lost count but based on all the gift bags we DIDN'T come back home with, we are guessing 15-20!

We also met Andre, a man riding around on his bike. He is on crack but knows full well Jesus can take his addiction away. He made no excuse for his addiction and said he knows his flesh does what the spirit does not want him to do. I thought he should totally be a preacher as he was speaking into us all as he spoke! We got to pray with him too.

Some of the girls looked extra young, like Jr High age. It was really heartbreaking. We got to talk to M******* for a little bit and she was really sweet. She looked younger than 20 (the age she said she is), but said she had been out there for about a year. She said she knew she was special and that she knew what she was doing was wrong. I seriously wanted to hug this girl so bad!

We also came across T****** who recognized Laurie right away from another track. The cops tried to talk to us as we were talking to her so the time was cut a little short.

Overall, it was a very fruitful night! Got to talk to a lot of girls and guys! I can't stop thinking of how young they all were either. There's always one thing every time we go out that hits me the most and these girls ages is what really got to me. So sad. I wish they knew how special they are to Jesus... they are His children!

Ok ramble done! Hope it made sense! God bless and thank you for everyone who prays for us! :)

Fun Fun!

This is going to be more like a facebook status than an actual blog, but...

I love my mom and sister! They made my blog so new and pretty!

And... I am reading Matthew (I like making my way back to the beginning of the New Testament again), Hosea (heavy stuff), and John MacArthur's "Safe in the Arms of God" (REALLY heavy stuff)! I recommend them all, especially the God-breathed ones. ;)

Hide Me

It's funny how you can have a CD for quite sometime and a few of the songs may hit you, but the rest is just sweet, cute songs that you sing along with. Then one day comes and EVERY SINGLE SONG speaks right to you! It's almost weird! That's what happened when I turned on my Kirk Franklin CD the other day. I relate almost too well to every song all of a sudden.

The lyrics are long for this song, but it's amazing... and it's totally my song right now. I admit I don't have the attitude of this song... not yet (Rain DON'T go away? Pff... I don't think so!), but God is definitely refining me toward it.

Enjoy the song. I put a video with it. There is actually nothing to watch but you can at least listen to it while you read the lyrics. Very good. God is good. :)


Hide Me - Kirk Franklin



I know You see us

I know you hear us

And You fill us when we pray

You understand us, See deep inside us

Translate tears and take them away

I'm a be honest,

There are times

Your ways and method's, I don't understand

It seems so far, Tell me who You are

I know your touch, but can't see Your plan.

I'm lost in this thing called life,

Left to me now feels right

It's Your turn now, I wanna be where you are

[Refr:]

Hide me

Let me live behind You

Cause I need

Shelter from the rain

Remind me

The only way my faith can grow

Is when You let Your winds blow

You're making me stronger now, so rain,

Don't go away

Don't go away

[Verse 2:]

I'd admit

It'd be nice

To have some light shine down on me

Especially,When, Lord I shall be, You don't always let me see

It ain't easy,

But I'm trying hard to get out of Your way

To believe

That what You say

That my change begins today.

The road includes some pain,

And to grow you need some rain

And when it falls, I wanna be where You are

[Refr.]

[Bridge:]

Cause there's some much I see

Needs to grow inside of me

In the fire I realize

Before I live, I have to die

Please believe me when I say

I can't waste another day

It's so easy to complain

But complain don't make a change

Not the victim anymore

All the things God has in store

If I ain't ready don't let the rain

Go away

Don't go away

[Refr.:]

Hide me (Can I just hang out behind you?)

Cause I need (It's cold out here; this rain)

Remind me
The only way my faith can grow

Is when You let Your winds blow

You're making me stronger now (It don't feel good right now, but I had to realize...)

You're making me stronger now (It's necessary. You're tryin' to build me up)

You're making me stronger now (You're taking away everything that's not like you, Jesus)

You're making me stronger now (It's that breaking process)

You're making me stronger now (Your delay is not a denial, I realize)

You're making me stronger now (You love me too much to give me too much, Jesus)

You're making me stronger now (Your plan is perfect even when I'm not)

You're making me stronger now (I can't rely on my own strength this time)

You made me stronger now (I cry when I worship)

You made me stronger now (???)

You made me stronger now (Forgiving my enemies)

You made me stronger now

(When daddy walked out) He made me stronger now

(When momma gave me up) She made me stronger now

(Everybody that gave up on me) They made me stronger now

(I need to write you a thank you letter) They made me stronger now

(Cause you made me) You made me stronger now

(Jesus I thank you) You made me stronger now

(I can see clearly now) You made me stronger now

(I didn't understand it at first) You made me stronger now

(I even got mad at you) You made me stronger now

(Cause you were taking too long) You made me stronger now

(But I'm sorry daddy) You made me stronger now

(Your ways are not my ways) You made me stronger now

Eavesdropping?

I can never decide if it is a blessing or a curse when there is a conversation that I REALLY want to contribute to, but I either can't because I don't know the people who are talking so that would be super weird to jump in, I shouldn't because I would say something that would only make more trouble, or, as in this case, I am not a member of the site where the (online) conversation is taking place and it would be odd for me to join the site just so I can put in my two cents.

So... Since I can't join the discussion, I shall blog about it! ;) (This isn't being passive-aggressive is it? I don't think so. Brothers and sisters call me out on it if it is, please!)

Anyway, we come to the discussion of clothing.



Sigh... Darn it!! Ok so God didn't want me to write about this. Just as I was typing I received a text message with a reference to a verse:

"Remind them of these things, and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene."

-2 Timothy 2:14-17

Alrighty... lesson of the day (or at least hour)? If I am not meant to be apart of the conversation, I must not be meant to talk about it. Period. I guess it was passive-aggressiveness after all? Hmmm...

Roses... By Many Other Names

I feel almost weird writing this after my last post with that funny picture. While I do want to be more creative with my blogs and even start to see more humor in life, this subject definitely isn't something that while I was doing it, I thought, "Whoo hoo! Blog material!" But, I do need to get this all off my chest and want people to know about it... so blog it is! ;)

A little background, I have mentioned (quite a bit), my desire to minister in the inner city and (I think) I have also mentioned that the people in the city that I feel the most burdened for is the prostitutes. These girls who think they have to do this to survive, or are forced to do it for pimps, it makes me so sad. Not to mention the lives and marriages that are being destroyed because of this 'business.' It's so awful.

A few weeks ago I went to a class to learn all about the business of pimps and prostitutes. I had no idea how much was involved and all the politics behind it. Not to mention the brutality of how these women are treated and how they are even brought into it. It is so sad. On our way there, my friend Brandon was asking me about my accounting job and he made mention of how someone who actually *likes* accounting is pretty unique (haha) and so I should try to do something with it someday that would be more meaningful to me. WELL while we were at this class, Laurie (the lady who leads the ministry... she used to be a prostitute and addicted to drugs until Jesus set her free from it all! Yay!) mentioned that they are looking for an accountant and so for us to be praying for that for them. Brandon looked at me with these big eyes and I couldn't deny that the timing was crazy! "Ok God.. you're telling me something here, huh?"

Over the time since then, I have had contact here and there with Laurie. She was out of town for a bit and then I was out of town for the Resolved Conference (oh yeah... still have to write about that too!) but we knew eventually we would sit down and talk about my involvement with the ministry. During this time, my mom came across a video that she sent to me. It was another one of those confirmations where I thought, "YES! THIS is why I WANT to and NEED to do this!" It's only a piece of a sermon so it's short: ;)



There are girls out there on the streets who feel like that rose. Tore up, used, barely holding on to their stems to keep them together... and overall, feeling unwanted. I want to go tell them all, 'JESUS WANTS YOU!' They need to know that.

Two days ago, on Friday, Laurie and I, after a couple days of phone tag, got to talk on the phone. Doubting myself, and also (sadly) God's hand in all of this, I shyly asked her if they were going out to do outreach that night. "Yes we are at 10! You wanna come?" OF COURSE I said yes!! I couldn't wait!! But, could I really do this? Could I really reach girls (and guys) who are in a lifestyle so different than anything I have ever experienced in my own life? "Yes Jen... because you have Jesus" I told myself... I am learning the art of talking to myself... speaking truth to myself (Thank you CJ Mahaney!)

After work I met Laurie and Daryl for dinner and we got to talk a lot about what my role will possibly be as I help with their accounting/bookkeeping. We also talked more about the outreach too. We went back to their place and prepared gift bags to give to the girls... great conversation starters! It helps them feel a little less on guard when you give them a free gift. Plus it's our way of showing them how special they are; they aren't used to being given free gifts just for being them.

At ten, we were picked up by Julia and we went to 7-11 to get some coffee. After that we sat in the car and prayed for a while for God's will to be done in all areas of the ministry.

We went out to the track where a lot of girls can be found. In the couple of hours we were there we got to talk to about 10 girls! Plus one runner/pimp-in-training (he was only 23! Just a boy out there!) who was really nice and receptive. It was all so Heartbreaking! These girls are so young and seem so scared to be out there! You can tell by some of their faces and even by what they would say that they don't want to be out there but don't see a way out.

I was asked if I felt scared while I was there and I wasn't at all. I, instead, just felt like I wanted to bawl my eyes out because I was so sad by what I saw. Although I have to admit, while I wasn't scared, I was still nervous. Not because of where we were or what we were doing (I totally felt like God was protecting us!) but because I felt unsure of how to talk to the girls. I wanted to smile at them so I didn't seem intimidating and wanted to be welcoming, but then if I smile too much or too big, am I gonna seem fake? Ahh I was a little frustrated with myself and my social awkwardness (at least I thought I was awkward... I dunno, maybe I wasn't) but I know that if this is something God wants me to do (which I really feel like it is!) that He will give me words and teach me more about myself and refine me to make me the tool He wants me to be to reach these girls for Him! :)

I am still so jazzed that God opened the door for me to do this. It's something that has been on my heart for a long time to where now that I have this open door, it doesn't seem real!

Oh Lord Please continue to use me! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Inspiration!

Hmmm... Kinda makes you look at the world differently ;)

All in a Day's Work

I don't know if I have ever actually touched on the character of the office I work in. To make it simple, there is NEVER a dull day. We have so many funny personalities that there is always some sort of drama happening. It can get tiring but other times, it is so amusing!

Kent, my supervisor, and Chuck, our payroll manager, probably cause the most hilarity for the rest of the office. We are all quite amused by their personalities. So much in fact, that we all dressed like them last Halloween (See: Updates, Food, and Identity Crisis!)

Remember this?



Anyway, these two silly men have a shirt schedule. Yes... a schedule in which they strictly abide to as to when they are allowed to where certain colored shirts. A while back, they both had decided to go shopping at Target for shirts and without knowing it, they bought the same colored shirts! After one frightful day when they both wore the same shirt, they made a schedule: Kent wears his brown colored shirts on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Chuck wears his on the other days. This usually keeps them pretty safe from dressing alike.

Until today... Chuck just bought a new shirt. Kent, not abiding to the rules (today is a Wednesday you know), wore his brown shirt also.

They weren't too happy at first... (That's our new intern in the back. Today was her second day on the job... the poor thing must think we are Freaks! haha)



But they made up...



AND of course, to add insult to injury, we all took pictures of them. We won't be forgetting this one boys!

The People Have Spoken!

After a FLOOD of requests that I write a new blog (people really count on me... their lives depend on a regular dose of "Jen Ramblings"), here it is... a blog...


So here's what I need from all my faithful readers... Ideas on what to blog about! Yay!!

Place your polls here please.


I will return to fulfill your requests.

(If this isn't a cop out blog, then I dunno what is!! haha)

From the Inside Out

I already posted a video of this song a few months ago, but it is stuck in my head so I am going to post lyrics... and I will add the video again... why not? :)

From the Inside Out - Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Proverbs 21

Crazy how the more I get into reading God's word again (even if it is just a few minutes in Proverbs) I now have so much to blog about!

Here's what stood out to me in Proverbs 21:


"Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor
will himself call out and not be answered." - Proverbs 21:13

Whoa! That is heavy! God will not hear me if I do not help the poor, the homeless, the helpless, the impoverished, the orphans...


"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue
keeps himself out of trouble." - Proverbs 21:23

I need to keep learning and relearning the art of holding my tongue.


This next one was like God reaching out of the Bible (well, out of the computer as I was reading it on Biblegateway.com) and giving me a huge hug. I have been feeling really down about being back in Lancaster and really missing all that is in Simi Valley. It's not the actual geography; it's the people. But I feel like us living in a desert... barren, dry, empty... it's like it's symbolic of what life is like here... I feel barren, I feel dry, I feel empty. But then, God showed me this... and without explaining too much (now that would be gossip and would go against my learning to live verse 23), let's just say it was EXACTLY what I needed.

"Better to live in a desert land
than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman." - Proverbs 21:19

Thank you God!

Dream a Little Dream

I have been having a lot of dreams lately. That's really weird for me because I rarely dream but almost every night has been some sort of a dream. Whether it is people from my past and I am dreaming we are reacquainted, or dreaming of the movie "Sphere" and everything I think of happens in real life, or... last night... which ends up teaching me a lesson.

To not go into all the details, I was at Cornerstone (you know the typical spiel... "it was Cornerstone, but it didn't look like it, but it was"... anyway...) and Francis asked the congregation a question, "Is it lazy to sleep in?" A friend of mine then went up and gave his answer and reasons why. I have no idea what he said. I am sure it was the *right* answer and it was good.

*Any of you cornerstone-ers KNOW this HAD to be a dream... Francis ASK a question about sleeping?? AND he wanted it answered by the congregation? No... he usually just says it and tells us all we are lazy slobs. Man... I miss getting my weekly beating ;)

Anyway, ever since I woke up from that this morning, it has had me thinking...

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LAZY!!

I sleep in as late as I can to still be ready for work on time. I sleep in on weekends as late as possible. I take naps on weekends.

More importantly, what did I used to do when I woke up early? I spent time with Jesus. I prayed with my brothers and sisters. I exercised. I rarely (maybe never) needed a nap and I was awake for a LOT longer every day.



This has made me realize quite a few things:

I terribly miss Simi - I miss the intimacy with my brothers and sisters. I miss praying at 6am on Wednesdays. I miss Cornerstone church.

I miss having energy - It was amazing how much energy I had on days that I was up early praying with the group (even if the group was just three of us hehe).

I miss being active - I used to go to the gym all the time, or go hiking or on walks with people, or just did more that go to work, come home, repeat.

I miss time with Jesus - This is my fault.



When I got to work today, I read Proverbs 20 (I try to read the chapter of whatever day it is - Proverbs 20 on the 20th of the month). Wow... God is good:

"Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty;
open your eyes, and you will have plenty of bread." - Proverbs 20:13


And then just to really drill this into my head, I looked up as many verses as I could on how I should be viewing mornings:

"O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch." - Psalm 5:3

"For his anger is but for a moment,and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night,but joy comes with the morning." - Psalm 30:5

"But I, O LORD, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you." - Psalm 88:13

"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." - Psalm 90:14

"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." - Psalm 143:8

"In the morning the word of the LORD came to me." - Ezekiel 12:8

"Evening and morning and at noon, I utter my complaint and moan,and he hears my voice." - Psalm 55:17

(I added this to show I am not trying to say that everyone should be up early... God hears us at any time!)

Don't forget... when did God come to feed the Israelites with manna? In the Morning.

And of course, our Lord and Savior set an example...

"And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed." - Mark 1:35


So yeah... I need to start waking up early. My recent lack of intimacy with God can no longer be blamed on my "busy schedule." It's all just because I am lazy. So here's to my new current life song:


How long will you lie there, O sluggard?
When will you arise from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man. - Proverbs 6:9-11


By the way, Proverbs 20 was really amazing for me today. Here are some verses that stood out to me, that maybe confirmed some recent decisions of mine, and one that made me smile :D


"It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife,
but every fool will be quarreling." - Proverbs 20:3

"Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets;
therefore do not associate with a simple babbler." - Proverbs 20:19

"The glory of young men is their strength,
but the splendor of old men is their gray hair." - Proverbs 20:29

Happy Mother's Day!

The other day at work, one of my coworkers, Esther came in with a fruit tart (I hate to admit it, but until I started working here about two year ago, I didn't know what an actual fruit tart was. I blame "kids and all their slang these days" for that one.)

What a fruit tart looks like for those of you who were like me, pre-enlightenment (Yummy!):



So Esther walked in and said "This is for all mothers! ... and future mothers!" and then she looked right at me! At that moment I think my uterus froze up as I squealed, "Oh no!" The room up roared in laughter... I am glad my fear of commitment and having children can bring humor to someones' life... pfff... (I kid... no bitterness from this chick!)

Anyway, this really wasn't supposed to be about my delicious fruit tart, or about me, but about my mom. I love her!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!